Birdman Page #5

RIGGAN(Joking.)

You're pretty sure it's mine?

LAURA(Unamused but plays along)

Well, let's see. There's you. Jake. That

masseuse wore a condom so... Yes, it's

yours... idiot.

She puts her head on Riggan's chest. We see his mind racing.

Laura is moved, and confused.

LAURA (CONT'D)

Are you excited?

RIGGANYeah.

LAURAMe too.

Laura moves slightly away from him and suddenly slaps him across

the face. Riggan looks at her, confused.

RIGGANWhat--?

LAURAYou're not funny.

She kisses him intensely on the lips and briefly places his

hand on her belly, then moves it up to her breasts. After a

moment, she backs away.

LAURA (CONT'D)

First preview tomorrow. Here we go!

Laura turns and walks away. Riggan continues down the

corridor. He passes by a Security Guard· in front of a small

TV. The camera becomes Riggan’s POV and advances until...

INT. BACKSTAGE - THEATER - EVENING1111...we go through the stage door. We scan the backstage area to

see the stagehands ready to do their jobs. We can feel the

electricity of a first preview.

On stage part of the kitchen set from before is visible. Annie

stands at her podium, calling the cues for the show.

ANNIE(Into her headset.)

Cue 34 and 35. Go.

10/29/14 / 29.

(CONTINUED)

She turns and looks directly into the camera.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Places.

RIGGAN (O.S.)

Okay.

Riggan walks on screen wearing his costume, carrying a bucket of

ice and a bottle of gin. He goes to the opposite side of the

stage and takes his place in the wings. He peeks out at the

audience who seem to be watching with interest.

Then we pan to the stage to find Mike, Lesley and Laura

performing the scene we saw at the beginning, around the table.

Mike looks comfortable, sipping at his drink. A half empty

bottle of gin on the table.

MIKEThe maniac shot himself right in front of

us. I rode with him in the ambulance to the

hospital.

LESLEYI’ll never get that image out of my head.

Right before he did it, his eyes-- they

were so sad... lonely.

LAURADid you have to treat him?

MIKEI didn’t have to. But I did.

(Pouring another drink.)

He was in bad shape. His head swelled

up to like twice the size of a normal

head. I'd never seen anything like

it. And I swear to God, I hope I

never do again.

Riggan stands near Annie.

RIGGANHe’s good.

ANNIEHe’s incredible. I think he's

drinking real gin.

Riggan looks out at Mike, who is refilling his glass.

RIGGANWhat?

10/29/14 / 30.

(CONTINUED)

A stagehand gives Riggan a bottle. Riggan watches and waits

for his cue.

MIKEAsk Nick what real love is. He’ll

agree with me. You watch.

LESLEYWhy don’t we just head to the

restaurant?

LAURADon’t get him started, Mel. You

haven’t seen how he’s been lately.

He’s been depressed. I’m worried

about him. He’s been--

She gently pushes Riggan and we follow him on stage...

INT. STAGE - THEATER - CONTINUOUS1212...where Mike goes to refill his glass with the last of the

real gin. Riggan snatches the bottle out of his hands and

gulps the rest, straight from the bottle.

RIGGANBeen what? (Beat.) I'll tell you

what real love is. This happened a

few months ago.

(Drops bottle on table)

And it ought to make us ashamed

when we talk like we know what

we're talking about when we talk

about love.

LAURANick, for God's sake. Are you

getting drunk?

RIGGAN(Pointed at Mike.)

I don't have to be drunk to say

what I think.

MIKENobody’s drunk. We’re just having a

few drinks.

LESLEYYou’ve had more than a few.

RIGGANWhat are you, counting?

10/29/14 / 31.

(CONTINUED)

LAURADon't you talk to her like that.

Don’t talk like a drunk if you’re

not--

RIGGAN(Exploding.)

Shut up. For once in your life.

Will you do me a favor and shut up

for a minute?

(Beat.)

Like I was saying... There's this

old couple, had a car wreck out on

the interstate. Some drunk kid

plowed his dad's pick up into their

camper.

We begin to hear the underscoring of violins.

RIGGAN (CONT'D)

F***ing teenager. By the time I got

to the hospital, the kid was dead.

He was off in a corner laid out on

a gurney. We took the old couple up

to the O.R.. They were a mess. We

worked like hell on them for most

of the night...

Over the speech, Mike reaches for the new bottle that Riggan

placed on stage. He refills his glass.

RIGGAN (CONT'D)

When we were done, we wrapped them in full

body casts. The husband was depressed.

Even when I told him his wife was gonna

pull through, he was still depressed. So,

I got up to his mouth hole and asked him,

and he told me it was because he couldn't

see her through the eye holes. Can you

imagine? I’m telling you, the man's heart

was breaking because he couldn't turn his

goddamn head and see his goddamn wife.

Riggan is doing a good job. Lesley and Laura are genuinely

moved. Mike notices. He sips his drink.

RIGGAN (CONT'D)

I mean... It was killing him. Killing him

that he--

MIKEI'm tired of this sh*t.

They all look at Mike. In silence.

10/29/14 / 32.

(CONTINUED)

MIKE (CONT’D)

(to Riggan)

What the f*** is this? Water?

He hurls the glass against the wall. Some laughter from the

audience. Riggan stares at him, confused. He presses on.

RIGGANIt was killing the old bastard...

MIKEDid you just give me water?

RIGGANCome on, Mike.

MIKECome on what?

RIGGANTake it easy. You're drunk.

MIKEOf course I'm drunk! I'm supposed to

be drunk! This is Carver, man! The guy

lost a piece of liver every time he

wrote a page! If I’m supposed to drink

gin then bring me f***in gin! I mean,

you f***ed the time period! You took

all the good lines for yourself! At

least let me--

The audience is now hysterical. Dozens of cell phones

pointing at the stage. Mike walks toward the apron, facing

the audience.

MIKE (CONT’D)

Oh, okay. Seriously? You people are

pathetic. Put the cell phones down and

join the real world! Will somebody

please just live in the real world?!!

He crosses to the refrigerator.

LAURAWhere's he going?

LESLEY(Firmly.)

Mike, cut it out.

Mike rummages through the fridge.

10/29/14 / 33.

(CONTINUED)

MIKELook at this. It’s all fake.

(Tossing items out of the

fridge.)

The milk is fake. The butter is fake.

Riggan storms off the stage.

MIKE (CONT’D)

(To Riggan.)

Your performance is fake.

(He finds some fried

chicken.)

Hey! There's chicken. Real chicken. The

only thing real up here is the chicken.

So I'm gonna stick with the chicken.

The audience laughs harder.

MIKE (O.S.) (CONT’D)

Hey, this is good bird, man!

Riggan charges through the chaos backstage running into a

panicked Annie.

RIGGANGet Mike out of here.

ANNIEHow do you want me to do that?

Riggan keeps walking up to...

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS1313...the hallway. Jake chases him.

RIGGANI want him gone.

JAKENo.

RIGGANWhat?

JAKEWe can't do that.

RIGGANWhat are you-- Of course we can do that.

It's our show.

10/29/14 / 34.

(CONTINUED)

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