Bite Marks

1

All right, sweetie, I'll

see you in a few days.

Drive safe, lover.

Evening, Shirley.

Aw, sh*t. This won't last me to Franklin.

Hello? Anybody in there?

Figures. I bust my ass to get here

on time, and everybody else is late.

One... two... three!

Come on out!

All right, now, I ain't foolin around.

You know what I'm gonna do when I find you?

Sh*t... my pans.

I'm gonna kick your ass, that's what!

Not again, baby!

I don't know what's wrong.

It's never done this before.

Not since the last three

times we've been together.

What're you saying?

Nothing, nothing.

Look, I'm taking a big chance,

meeting you here like this.

If my husband found out...

He'd divorce you.

Then where would you get

your booze money from?

That's right! So you'd better

make it worth my while,

cause if it's not you, it's gonna be Mr.

Beam or Mr. Daniels.

Makes no difference to me.

Yeah?

Have you seen your brother Walsh?

He didn't show up for his shift.

How should I know? I'm not his keeper.

If he's not here in ten minutes, he's fired.

So?

So did he pay you back

the two hundred dollars?

Can the Bank of Brewster afford another loan?

Now, I don't want to fire him,

but what choice do I have?

Of course, if you took over his route,

then my little problem would be settled, and

I'd be willing to overlook his

no-show. This time.

Caplan, you know they took my license away,

and you know why.

Then don't get caught!

Okay. Okay, Mr. Caplan, I'll be right there.

You're delivering a shipment

to a funeral home in Topeka.

The paperwork will be in

the cab of the truck.

You just show up and take off.

Now, get your ass over here!

Didn't you drop Walsh off at work?

Yes, why?

Well, Caplan says he's not there.

Oh my god! Maybe he knows about us!

Maybe he's on his way here right now!

How would he know about us?

I don't know, but you have to leave!

Okay, I'm going! I have to

take over his route anyway.

No use in hanging around here.

Get out! Just go!

B*tch! You drop these once,

and they're only good for butt plugs!

Drive safe, lover.

Hey, Caplan!

Caplan!

A**hole.

Damn it! These are my good boots!

Drive straight ahead.

Continue for twenty-five miles.

Tyler.

Yeah!

Tony?

Yes.

Tucker.

Once.

Ubaydalah!

You really think I'd have sex with some guy

named Ubaydalah?

Yeah.

Zackary!

Does oral count?

If you're a conservative, yes.

It's hot. I'm getting sticky in my pants.

That always was your trouble.

That's always been your trouble.

Ha!

I am what I am, and you love it.

No, I love you...

Me, too.

not hearing the erotic misadventures

of your one-eyed wanderer.

And yet, you're the one doing the counting.

Look, it was your idea to take this trip.

"Let's backpack across the country.

It'll help us reconnect," you said.

Then why don't you go

home? Why are you still here?

Because I want it to work. I want US to work.

And when you can say you love me back,

instead of "Me, too," then

I'll know we can make it.

Do you know what my biggest fantasy is?

That thing with the carrot?

Let me rephrase the question...

Do you know how I'd like to

spend my last moment on Earth?

Curled up in bed with you.

My arms around your chest,

pressed up against your back.

My lips on your skin, as I

said my last goodbye.

What would you say to that?

"Ugh! I'm being hugged by a corpse!"

C'm0n! What's the holdup?

I thought I heard

something fall into the creek.

So a squirrel dropped

a nut or something. Let's go.

What are you doing?

YouTube.

What are you doing?

My feet hurt. I want to ride a while.

He won't stop. It's against their rules.

Hi! Where ya headed?

West.

Perfect!

I thought we were going south!

Eventually.

Hey! Put your ass in gear, fellas!

Where are the seatbelts?

Seatbelts are for pussies.

Been travelling a while?

Days. Only we're footing it.

Hey, isn't it against the rules

for you to pick up hitchhikers?

You complaining?

Don't mind him. He's an idiot.

I'm Vogel, and this is Cary.

Charmed.

Cary? Isn't that a girl's name?

Different spelling.

Right. How often do you have to spell it?

There are lots of guys named Cary.

Name one.

Cary Grant.

Name another.

Cary Elwes!

Who the f*** is Cary Elwes?

Hello? PRINCESS BRIDE?

Well, my feet are killing me.

I'm gonna catch a quick snooze

while you two intellectual

giants battle it out.

Uh-uh. The only reason I picked you up

is so you could talk to me

to help me stay awake.

Let's take shifts. I'll grab a few winks,

and Cary here will talk to

you about anything you want.

So?

You like sports?

Who's your favorite football team?

The Colts.

Awesome. Good team. They're

really doing great this year.

Who's your favourite player?

Peyton Manning.

C'mon! Peyton Manning?

Everyone says Peyton Manning. Who else?

Who's yours?

Well, I like Dallas Clark, but Reggie Wayne,

Don Brown, Robert Mathis, they're all good.

So, do you think the Colts will win the Bowl?

I said, do you think the Colts

will win the Bowl?

Well?

The defensive line is going to have to

pick it up against the Saint's offence,

especially with Drew Brees and

Reggie Bush in the backfield.

Their offensive line is going

to have to hold the blocks

long enough to give Manning

time to throw the ball.

Seriously, though "Cary"? Total girl's name.

Hey, let's get a bite to eat

then get back on the road.

Put er in gear, fella.

Brewster! Good lord, boy! I haven't

seen you in, I don't how long.

Been a long time, sweetheart.

I'll say! Last time I saw

you, I was still a virgin!

Last time I saw you

was the last time you were!

Anyway, who's your friends?

Just a couple guys I picked up.

Well, howdy, fellas. Plant your

keisters and place your orders.

Burger for me.

Make it two.

And how about you, honey?

Oh, I don't know. It all looks so good.

Do you have a restroom?

Out back. But the food's better in here.

Oh, and hey, honey! If you see a pair of

pokey-dot panties in there, be a

doll and bring em in with ya.

I think I left them by accident

when I took my morning dinkie!

Two burgers!

I guess this is what

hell's gonna look like...

When Vogel gets there.

C'mon!

I believe in you. C'mon!

Close enough.

Vogel, what are you doing?

I wanna f*** you.

No! Oh, no! No way! Not here!

Oh, c'mon! It'll be just like that

motel we stayed at in Fairvale.

That place didn't smell like ass.

How was it, handsome?

Same as I remember it. Hey, how long was it

on the road before you

scraped it up and fried it?

Shame we charge so much for it, isn't it?

Hey, bag that burger.

He can eat it to go.

Say, what are you carrying today, Brewster?

Anything that nobody

notice if one went missing?

Why, sure, darling.

I'm sure there's one in the back

that would fit you just fine.

Really? Would I get a lot of use from it?

Oh, yeah. You'd use it a long time.

Nice. What is it?

Coffins.

Coffins?! A coffin?! Are you nuts?

What would I do with a coffin?

We all need one eventually, darlin.

Not me. I'm gonna be

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes