Black & White & Sex Page #5

I start reading the lines again,

and as I build up

to this big crescendo,

he starts coming on

with all these,

"Oh, yeah, baby.

That's great, babe."

"Let's do it together, babe."

And then... that's it.

He's done.

So, are you trying

to tell me something?

Tell you what?

Oh. I see.

Movie director, casting couch.

You, me, Marilyn.

That's just a coincidence,

sweetie.

You wouldn't have the balls.

- Do you know what you are?

- What?

You're a vagina man.

Vagina men...

they're afraid of women.

Most men are vagina men.

C*nt men aren't,

but you're no c*nt man.

You don't even like

saying the word.

- It's just a word.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

There's nothing wrong

with being a vagina man.

You just got to make sure

you find yourself a penis girl.

Do you know what a c*nt man

wants in a woman?

No, but I'm sure you're

gonna tell me anyway.

A wet woman.

Meaning?

Means what it says...

a wet woman,

a woman who gets wet.

Oh, when she's excited.

Maybe all the time.

It's not so much a statement

about the woman...

It's more about the man.

So, a man who can take a wet

woman is a man who likes women.

It's the biggest point

of difference.

Most men aren't wet men.

They're dry.

That's why the really dry men,

they take a shower

straight after sex...

to get rid of the wet.

To get rid of her

and all that nastiness.

But she... if she's a wet woman,

she's wet everywhere.

The outside, inside,

in her brain.

Female sex is wet.

Women are wet.

Men are dry.

Did you know that?

Can't say I'd ever

thought about it, no.

That's because

you're a vagina man.

Right.

I knew a woman once.

She used to like to strap on

a dildo and penetrate men.

- Did you?

- Yes, I did.

Was her name Matilda?

My question is,

what does that make her?

It makes her a woman who likes

to f*** a man's bottom.

Yes, obviously,

but I meant in the context

of what we're talking about.

Something different again.

Sex isn't about pleasure.

You said sex was about pleasure

and pain.

No, I said women

are about pleasure and pain.

Sex is about procreation

and power.

Anal sex has nothing to do

with procreation, so...

That just leaves power.

So when she buggers him,

who's in control?

She is.

And when she did it to you,

what did you feel?

I never said she did it to me.

If she did it to you,

what would you feel?

Vulnerable, I suppose.

Why?

Well, because...

I would be at her mercy.

You would, wouldn't you?

On your knees,

head down, taking it.

What, like a woman?

So women are at your mercy

when you f*** them?

- Hang on, I didn't say that.

- Yes, you do.

When you f*** a woman, you know,

spread her legs, penetrate her,

she's at your mercy...

vulnerable... isn't she?

No.

Then you must be

a really bad f***.

You know what? Why bother?

Do you ever find Matilda,

you know,

watching TV

while you're doing it?

Because that's what I'd be doing.

Geez, man, just go for it!

For once, just take control.

Just f*** her... like no tomorrow,

like she deserves it.

Christ, if I said that...

Oh, what...

you'd be a misogynist?

- Yes!

- You are a f***ing misogynist.

- I do not hate women!

- Oh, you are polite to them.

You respect them.

You treat them courteously.

- Isn't that all right?

- You're just gonna twist around

- whatever I say.

- Oh, but surely,

- that's all true.

- Yes, it is.

And you'd never want

to hurt them, would you?

No.

So, there you go.

"There you go" what?

You're the perfect gentleman.

How can you not want

to penetrate the woman you love?

I do!

Oh, yeah,

with a little poke and a shower.

If you really loved her,

you'd want to penetrate her

so deeply, it would hurt.

I would never want to hurt her.

I'm talking about hurting her and you...

at the same time.

Hurt till you can't bear it anymore,

and then...

And at that moment...

she'll possess you... equally.

You'll both have given up...

to each other.

And that's when a man

starts to love a woman.

That's when he starts

to understand her.

- I need a break.

- Well, we're not stopping now.

That's easy for you to say.

I'm the one doing all the work.

How much research did you do

for this film?

Have you ever been to a hooker?

So, what did you do?

- Not much.

- Oh, come on.

You must have got something

for you money.

We had sex.

Oh, wow. Really?

Did you tell wifey?

It happened before we met.

That wasn't my question.

- She never asked.

- You never thought to tell her.

I didn't think

it was appropriate, no.

Oh, because good boys

don't do that sort of thing?

I suppose so.

So, why tell her now?

She... she'll see this film

when it's finished, won't she?

So... she's gonna find out.

What's she gonna think?

- How the f*** should I know?

- Well, you should know.

And you should care, too.

That's how it works.

Well,

thank you for the free advice.

Hey, sweetie,

I'm just trying to help.

What,

w... now you're my therapist, eh?

I can be anyone you want.

I can be anyone you want.

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

What?

Choose it.

You're such f***ing hard work.

It's because

you don't have a hard-on.

That's the problem.

- What makes you hard?

- What?

- You heard me.

- Foreplay.

Foreplay.

What kind of foreplay?

Intimate foreplay.

- Like what we're doing now?

- This isn't foreplay.

Are you sure?

Sometimes, foreplay can

just sneak up behind you

when you least expect it.

- Do you know what I mean?

- Not really, no.

You're supposed to tell the truth.

- I am.

- I don't think you are.

Well, that's your problem,

isn't it?

Well, actually, you know what?

It's your f***ing problem.

Because now I get to give you a dare.

Take off your clothes.

I'm sorry?

I know you are,

but it's too late for that.

I didn't mean that kind of sorry.

I don't give a sh*t

what sort of sorry you meant.

Can we get back

to the interview, please?

- This is the interview.

- Me interviewing you!

First, I've got to make sure

that you're clean.

And don't think

you're anything special.

I inspect all my clients.

I am not a client.

Oh, no,

of course you're not, honey.

You're a big movie director.

So, why don't you start

getting your gear off,

then we can get things rolling?

I haven't got all day, you know.

Huh?

Okay. Fine.

If you don't want to play,

that's your choice.

Where are you going?

Angie, we had a deal.

Bye bye. Ta-ta. Ta-ta.

Angie. Angie!

F***'s sake.

Don't do anything.

Just keep rolling.

Angie?

Listen. Listen.

Can we just talk about it,

please?

And what exactly

didn't you understand?

Take your f***ing clothes off,

or I'm out of here.

It's really very simple.

I haven't got all day, you know.

Come back inside.

You'll get undressed?

- Yes. I...

- Finally! Thank you...

Okay.

Okay, everyone else,

out of the room.

You. You. Out.

Trust me,

you don't want them to be here.

How long do you want them

to go out for?

For as long as it takes.

And, uh, leave the cameras on.

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