Black Cadillac Page #5

be this girl.

- Oh man.

You know, I can

almost see her face.

This girl

who would love me...

without me having

to say anything.

And her laugh would

echo down the hall

after math.

I heard people

can have this thing

happen to them--

a moment that changes

their lives forever.

I always hoped

I'd have one of those,

so I didn't

have to be...

- so me.

- Nobody wants to be

who they are, man.

God, we all have

sh*t inside of us

that we wish we didn't.

But we do.

And there's nothing

we can do about that,

I mean--

I don't think we can

change that stuff.

So what's the best

we can hope for?

Forgiveness.

Well, that doesn't

come so easy.

Robby:

You know what's weird?

The last time we saw

that Caddy,

I think I saw a girl

in the back seat.

- Really?

- But I couldn't

see her face so good.

It's "well," okay?

You couldn't see

her face so well.

God, I hate it

when people do that--

good instead of well.

It's like when

bad teachers ask you

"Is there any questions?"

It's "Are there

any questions?"

I f***ing hate that.

Look, I've been thinking

about that note--

on the windshield?

Then Charlie.

Why after they kill him,

are they still

trying to kill us?

C.J. was right.

It's because we're

witnesses.

Yeah, I know,

but why haven't they

done it already?

You know,

they could have,

back there when we were

sitting by the tree.

You know, they seem

to be leading us someplace.

Why?

To where?

Maybe they keep

coming back because

they killed

the wrong guy.

( scoffs )

Robby, man,

you are eating brain.

And that note--

about sins?

Maybe it wasn't Charlie's sin

they were after.

You know, maybe

it was meant for us.

One of us.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, blame C.J.

The ever-handy Judas.

I called two guys

in a bar "fat."

They kill you

for that?

I don't think so,

which brings us back

to you, Roberta.

- Me?

- Yeah!

Maybe while your friend

was smoking your bone

in the back room

her gap-toothed old man

was plotting your

castration.

Then why hasn't

he done it already?

You know, I think--

I don't know, I think

it's something bigger

than that.

C.J.:

And Scott, my man,

you're being awfully

quiet over there.

How were things

in the parking lot

with the sexless someone?

- Don't worry about it.

- Actually, I am starting

to worry.

Don't shift

the heat on me, man.

When the sh*t tumbles,

it's you in the middle.

Oh, yeah, and you're

so innocent?

Mr. Skull-and-Bones?

C.J., you're really

starting to get on

my f***ing nerves.

Oh, I know.

It must be so

draining...

stuck in this car,

sitting here all night,

staring at this face--

this same old face!

F*** you, man!

God damn you.

- What the hell was that?

- Grace under pressure.

- Can I ask you

a personal question?

- No.

How'd you get

the scar?

The squeaky voice

in the back seat asked

out of the blue.

I've heard all

of your stories.

If I told you...

it'd just be one more.

( Scott screams )

God damn it! Sh*t!

Oh my God!

Oh God,

are you okay?

- Robby:
Scott?

- Where are you, man?

What the--

What?

There's-- ( gasping )

there's something dead

under there.

It's Charlie.

- No, man, it can't be.

He's miles behind us.

- Is he?

We've been driving

around lost for an hour.

( all panting )

There's only one way

to find out.

I'm not a huge fan

of finding out, by the way.

It's an animal.

( laughs )

It's a cow.

It's a frozen cow!

It's a cowsicle.

How much do you think

that thing weighs?

Weighs?

A lot, why?

- ( all grunting )

- Scott:
And pull!

Pull!

C.J.:

Man, if you would've

told me this afternoon

while I was watching

"Hitler's Henchmen"

that I'd be

doing this tonight,

I'd say, "Where'd

you get the 'shrooms

and have you got

any more for me?"

- Come on.

- Okay.

Scott:

Come on, guys, pull!

- Robby:
This is genius.

- C.J.:
Yeah.

We bury old Bossy

here in a mogul,

then we lead those

Caddy sons of b*tches

right into her,

all one-ton-frozen-

dead-ass rock of her.

and we are

as good as home.

You know, I've sorta been

going over my top 10 sins.

Please don't feel

compelled to share.

One time, I jerked off

in the boys' locker room

after swim practice--

- Oh, come on.

- when I caught

just a little shot

of Kim Ward's "beave."

I don't suppose

the guys in the Caddy

could have known that, huh?

No, but if they catch us,

I'm gonna sing

like a canary.

( C.J. coughs )

I made love

with Miss Collier.

- The English teacher?

- Yeah, freshman year.

Details.

She told me to stay after class

one night because...

I didn't understand

gerundive phrases.

So I do,

but all I can do

is watch her--

cross and uncross

her legs

while she's sort of

explaining stuff to me.

And the next thing

you know she's crying.

Crying?

Right there in school?

Yeah, about how lousy

her life was,

what a jerk

her husband is.

And the only way I can figure

to make her stop crying

is by kissing her.

Well, the next thing

you know, I'm laying

on her living room floor

staring at the ceiling

while she's doing everything.

And all I'm doing...

is falling

in love with her.

Oh come on, get out.

You would have told me.

I don't tell you

everything, Scott.

All right.

Let's go get 'em.

- Whoo-hoo!

- C.J.:
Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Oh, yeah!

( engine revving )

Smoke signals.

( laughing )

How do you spell

"Come and get us, you greasy

murderous pig bastards"?

I think we lost them.

Can we go home now?

( engine rumbling )

Just like Pavlov's puppy.

- Okay, let's go.

- Scott:
Wait, wait, wait.

Let's just

reel them in.

( engine revs )

- Well, can we go now?

- Not yet.

- Now!

- ( engine racing )

Sh*t! Get out!

Push! Get out!

Come on! Go, go!

( engine roars )

- Robby, come on, man, push!

- I am pushing!

- ( engine roars )

- Push!

- ( tires spin )

- Come on!

Come on!

Let's go, go, go.

Go, go, go.

- I've got them.

- ( glass shatters )

Sh*t.

Scott:

Oh, sh*t. Sh*t.

- What?

- Scott:
Which one?

- Which one what?

- Which one with the cow?

- Which mogul?

- Are you kidding me?!

- Look, I can't tell.

- That one.

- Are you sure?

- No. Yes.

No.

Ho!

( laughs )

It worked!

- Yeah!

- ( all cheering )

( all laughing )

Yeah! Game over, man!

Yeah!

( hooting )

Game over,

sons of b*tches.

Scott:

Come on, Robby.

Let's go!

Get in the car!

I told you, Robby.

I'm gonna get you home.

Minnesota,

here we come.

What?

I saw that girl

in the back.

- There was no girl.

- Yeah, there was a girl.

She's down there

in the snow.

She was just going along

for the ride, I bet.

Now she's dead

with the rest of them.

A girl, man, a girl.

You talk about sin.

What sin?

She was riding

with those goons, okay?

She's probably a stone killer

just like the rest of them.

Jesus, Robby.

You think that

all girls are innocent

just because

they're girls.

Man, this night

is confusing.

Very confusing.

- ( sputtering )

- ( dings )

Sh*t.

- We're overheating.

- It's like 20 million below--

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