Black Dynamite Page #5

What that guard said,

I keep running through my head.

Code Kansas.

"You people

won't be so big anymore."

Code Kansas.

It just don't make no damn sense.

Hey, sweet thing.

What don't make no sense is

the service around this motherf***er.

B*tch, do you see us?

I'd like two sausage links,

two sausage patties...

...two hot dogs,

split down the middle twice, okay?

Baloney, fry that up into a dome.

Slice that,

take a spatula, smush fry it.

And one waffle, please.

I can get your waffle...

...but all we got

is the chicken from last night.

Now, I can bring you some of that

if you wasnt some meat.

Chicken and waffles?

That's it.

Take it easy, brother.

It ain't her fault.

Sorry, sister,

we all just a little uptight.

But if you bring us

some of them good-ass waffles...

...everything will be all right.

Man, you guys

ain't had no waffles like these.

These waffles are so good...

...they're like they come

from down South.

These buttery motherfuckers

will melt in your mouth.

- Man, you ain't had no waffles...

- Wait.

Bullhorn, what did you just say?

You said:

"Melts in your mouth."

Quick.

What else melts in your mouth?

- M&M's.

- Exactly.

And not in your hands.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

And who makes M&M's?

Mars Candy Company makes it.

- Yeah, yeah.

- That's right.

And Mars is also...

- The Roman god of war.

- That's what I'm telling you.

Who is the Greek god of war?

- Ares.

- Right on.

Now, you take Mars

and spell it backwards, drop the S.

- What is it? What did you get?

- R...

Ram. That's right.

And ram is the zodialogical sign

for Aries.

- Now dig.

- That right.

- Ares's half sister is Athena.

- Now you're getting it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Athena, Athens.

Which is the capital of Greece.

And as we all know...

...zodialogical astronomy

was created by the Greeks in...

And 785 is the area code of Topeka.

Oh, my God.

to Topeka, Kansas.

Code Kansas.

Now you take that,

spell it backwards and drop the S.

Snake doc. Snake doctor, yeah.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

And brothers...

...who is the Greek demigod

of medicine...

...who believed that snakes' tongues

had mystical healing powers?

Aesculapius, of course.

He had a staff with snakes

intertwining all around that b*tch.

They called it Aesculapius's staff.

It's a symbol the medical field uses

to this day.

I've seen it.

Now,

what legend involving snakes...

...is in both Greek and Roman

mythology?

Now, come on.

It involves Aesculapius's own father.

Apollo.

Yeah. Thanks, lady.

That's right.

Apollo slew the serpent at Delphi

which was a big-ass snake.

That's right.

And what, brothers,

is the biggest snake in the world?

The South American anaconda.

- What she said.

- Anaconda Malt Liquor.

And what is the slogan

for Anaconda Malt Liquor?

"Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you..."

Gives you what?

And who else is famous for:

Little Richard.

- Who?

- Little Richard.

So, what they're really saying is...

Anaconda Malt Liquor

gives you Little Richard.

What is another word for Richard?

- Gunsmoke. Come on, get up.

- Gunsmoke!

Damn.

Anaconda Malt Liquor

gives you a little dick.

Should we kill him?

Man, do you wasnt to live?

I said, do you want to go on?

Man, this time these crackers

have gone too far.

- The warehouse.

- The warehouse.

Freeze, you jive-time suckers.

Who's in charge?

Brothers, make these honkies load

this dick-shrinking poison...

...back into the warehouse

so we can burn this mother down.

Waste them if they make a sound.

I'm gonna go inside and find out

who's running this sh*t.

- All right, men, move it.

- Come on, you heard him.

Sucker, you drop it right there.

- O'Leary?

- That's right.

Go ahead, guys, I got this.

O'Leary, you son of a b*tch.

I should have known it was you.

You should have.

You were too busy

and trying to lay that orphan mama...

...to not see

what was in front of your face.

You diabolical

dick-shrinking motherfuckers.

You were the leak all the time.

And I bet you were behind

Jimmy's death.

Hey, man,

I was just following orders.

That's what a good soldier does,

follow orders, unlike you.

Everything's gotta be done

the Black Dynamite way.

I gave the order on Jimmy.

I gave it to James,

who gave it to the don.

What good's it gonna do you now?

The old birthday-candle trick

from Nam.

Just when you think it's out...

O'Leary. O'Leary, where are you?

Yeah, who's this?

Fellas, we going on a boat ride

to Kung Fu Island.

Hey, Black Dynamite,

there's the island.

Okay.

Now, here's the plan.

Yeah.

Okay, let's split up.

He's here.

We kicked their ass.

Power to the people, brothers.

This is it, brothers.

- This is where we stick it to the Man.

- Yeah.

Now, let's go get that lab.

All right, let's go.

You know, when we get back home,

I'm gonna retire from the revolution.

Start a family.

Show this picture.

That's Betty Jo.

Yeah, right on, yeah.

Buy a home in the country.

Raise our own fruits and vegetables.

Bake our own bread,

know what I mean?

Bake our own...

Who saw that coming...?

Who saw where that came from?

Let's go.

I should've known you would be

behind this, Fiendish Dr. Wu.

Your knowledge of scientific

biological transmogrifications...

...is only out-matched by your zest

for kung-fu treachery.

Your kung fu is quite extraordinary,

Black Dynamite.

But no match for mine.

You should have joined us

when you had the chance.

But now you must die.

Man, I'll take this jive-ass turkey.

Bullhorn, no.

At long last, our friendship bonded

by the struggle against the Man...

...has been brought to an end

by kung-fu treachery.

Brother, your death

will not go unavenged.

Fiendish Dr. Wu,

you done f***ed up now.

Get him.

You must try the Wu family

Red Silk Kung Fu.

Black Dynamite Panther Fist.

What the f***, huh?

Keep your eye on Black Dynamite.

Looking for me?

Can you see where I'm coming from,

you jive motherf***er?

No rush, huh? Come on, huh?

You told him

to keep an eye out for me.

I threw that sh*t

before I walked in the room.

I wanna know

who's pulling your strings.

Now start talking. Talk.

- I said, start talking.

- Okay.

Your government

has been preoccupied...

...with building the bigger penis

for years.

What's this green one?

It did exactly opposite

of what it was intended.

It made the penis shrivel to the size

of a 2-month-old snapping turtle.

This is what you've been putting

in the malt liquor?

I was under orders.

They threatened to fire me.

Speaking of fire.

Suddenly,

I'd like to leave your island.

No! No!

No.

You dirty motherf***er.

Hey, Black Dynamite,

I found a helicopter.

Quick, give me a hairpin.

What's in the briefcase,

Black Dynamite?

How far does this all go, man?

Cream Corn,

this goes all the way to the top.

And when I say top,

I mean the tippety-top.

There it is, Black Dynamite.

The Honky House.

I'm going down.

- This shouldn't take long.

- Whoa, hey...

- Take the controls.

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