Blank Check

[Panting]

[Thunder Rumbling]

[Grunting]

Where are you?

Oh. Hello, beautiful.

[Kissing Sound]

Did you miss me?

Dad, I've given this|some thought...

and I've decided that since Damien|and Ralph have their own rooms,

well, there's no reason why they should|be bringing their junk into my room.

Well, how does that|sound, Helen?

- [Gulping]|- [Door Opening]

- Out of the way, stick boy!|- Hand & Foot is here to stay.

- Oops, kicked your baby monkey.|- Get out of here, Ralph!

- Here, take this.|- Go away, Damien. This is my room.

Was. Now it's also|the world headquarters|of Hand & Foot, Incorporated.

- Hand & Foot all the way!|- Hand & Foot, Hand & Foot,|Hand & Foot!

- Hand & Foot?|You guys aren't gonna make a dime.|- Okay, we'll use this.

- Yeah!|- Hey, that's my life savings!

- Consider yourself our silent partner.|- Yeah, say something and you're dead.

- Yeah.|- How's the big move going?

- Great.|- Good.

Come on, Ralph.|Gotta get to work.

Dad?|[Clears Throat]

Dad...

well, I've given this|a lot of thought,

and I've decided that...

- s-s-since Damien and Ralph|have their own room...|- Preston,

they need the space|for their business.

- Not my space.|- Young man, in this family,|industry gets rewarded.

While you're in here playing,|your brothers are hard at work.

- Yeah, kissin' butt for money.|- [Ralph] Well, you know|the golden rule.

- He who has the gold makes the rules.|- One day you'll have a job.

- When I was your age, I had my|own business cleaning wheels.|- [Mimicking Dad]

I was pulling down 100 bucks a week|polishing cars.

- You used to say 75.|- Well, you gotta think big, Preston.

- Surprise.|- [Brothers] Whoa, check it out.

Yeah, it's for your business.|We had a spare at the office.

- Damien, the speakers|are out in the hall.|- How does it work?

It imitates human intelligence,|like you guys.

- Preston, maybe you could teach|your brothers how to use it.|- Not possible.

[Dad]|The software will teach you how to do|everything but make love to a woman.

- Now I know what programme to get|your father for Christmas.|- Mom!

- Oops! Uh, here.|Let me help you with that.|- Preston, you're gonna be late...

- for Butch's birthday party.|- Who wants to celebrate|Butch's birth?

- [Dad] It's important|to get out of your room more.|- [Brothers] Our room.

Well, good luck, guys.

[Computer Beeps, Talks]|Damien and Ralph sleep...

butt to face, butt to face,

- butt to face,|- Huh?|- Who said that?

- Butt to face, butt to face,|- Type "Quit." Hit "Delete."

- Butt to face,|butt to face, butt to face...|- Turn it off! Pull the plug!

- Ow!|- Don't rub it. Be a man.

- [Moaning] Ouch!|- Little wimp.

[Dad] Come on, Preston. You don't want|to be late for Butch's birthday party.

- Are you gonna have fun today?|- [Preston] How can I, Dad?

- I don't have any money.|- Now, look. Here's a couple of bucks.

Ah, heck, you can have fun|all day on that.

You don't get out much,|do you, Dad?

[P.A.] Welcome to Fun Land.|Fun, fun, fun for everyone.

Welcome to Fun Land.|Fun, fun, fun for everyone.

- Hey. Hey, man.|- Hey, Butch.

Hey, man. Yeah!|Hey, what's up?

Oh, look.|It's Presto the Pesto.

- Hello, Butch.|- [Kids Laughing]

Oh!

- Tokens!|- [Kids Cheering]

- Give me 50. It's my birthday.|- Fifty.

- Twenty-five, please.|- Twenty-five.

- Twenty-seven.|- Twenty-seven.

- Six, please.|- Six.

Six.

- Coming?|- I don't know.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

- [Shouting]|- It's gonna be awesome!

- Yeah, let's go over here!|- This one!|- Hurry!

[Butch]|Hey, Preston! Hey, over here!

- Hey, Preston, how's your ostrich?|- Watch out!

Preston has an ostrich!

Hey, Preston,|come with us!

- Just kidding!|- [Laughing]

[Groaning]

[Dad] Did you have fun|at Butch's birthday party?

I have a question.|Are we broke?

- No, we just have to watch|our spending habits.|- That's right.

Like when your mother calls her sister|back East and talks for 97 minutes.

So if we're not|poverty-stricken,

there must be some other|reason I'm so deprived.

- We're outta here! Whoo!|- Goin' to the ball game.

- Can I go?|- We bought tickets, toad.

- [Mother] Damien!|- You need some cash?

- Nah, we got a bunch of change.|- Later, Preston.

It's not fair.|Why can't I have anything?

Well, Preston, they have jobs,|and they've learned to save.

How can I save money|if I don't have any?

A penny saved|is a penny earned.

- What do you want for your birthday?|- Money...

so I can pay to have Ralph|and Damien knocked off.

Anything else?

Well, maybe we'll give him|one of his birthday presents early.

A gift came|from Grandma today.

Hmm. What a rip-off!|It's a cheque for nothing!

I'm having a bad day.

Oh, your grandma just forgot|to fill in how much it was for,

but she signed it|at the bottom, see?

It's a blank cheque.

- We'll just fill in the amount.|- How much did you get|last year, honey?

A thousand.

- Ten dollars.|- Wait, Dad. What about inflation?

- Oh, make it 11.|- [Muttering]

You'd be surprised how fast...

eleven dollars can grow|with interest.

Preston?|Preston?

[Preston]|Eleven dollars...

at 3.45 interest.

[Computer]|Your account will reach...

one million dollars...

in 342,506 years.

I'm stuck here forever.

- [Dad] Lights out up there.|- Why?

My house, my rules.

"My house, my rules."

My own house.

[Yawning]

[Engine Stops, Car Door Shutting]

[Man]|Dave, who needs assets? I'm your asset.

- I'm a big asset. Oh, c...|- [Man On Phone] I can't believe you.

Dave, Dave. Come on, come on.|Why only borrow 150,000?

Our money is your money.|Round it off to two.

- Do I qualify?|- Of course you qualify|for the loan, Dave.

We're golf partners.

- You don't look happy to see me.|- Quig...

- Quigley.|- Quigley.

That's funny. I don't remember you|stuttering on the witness stand.

- You just sang|like a bird, didn't you?|- I had no choice, Carl.

- I mean, lying in court...|- You also pointed at me.

- That hurt.|- Well, I was under oath.

- I mean...|- Come here.

The only reason|you're alive, Biderman,

is I knew I might need you|again someday... like today.

Oh, sure. You need a loan?|The rates are great now.

- And you get a toaster.|- I don't need a toaster.

Before I went away, I put|aside a little nest egg.

[Gasping] These bills,|they're marked consecutively.

- They'd trace these in a minute.|- That's right.

- [Coughing]|- That's where you come in, old buddy.|I want new bills.

- We're back in the S&L business,|Biderman.|- Ah, money laundering...

- is very difficult these days, Carl.|- You still do it though, don't you?

That's a good-looking family|right there.

You're not gonna|hurt them, are you?

- Hate to have to.|- All right.

How do you want|to do this?

- I'll send my guy in tomorrow|with a cheque for a million.|- Tomorrow?

Yep, just like the old days.|You give him the cash, unmarked,|send him on his way.

- Whom should I expect?|- Whom should...

Whom should you expect?|His name is Juice.

- Juice?|- Mmm, he'll be here in exactly 24 hours.

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