Blankman Page #2

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A cool $1 million.

Save your money, Mr. Minelli.

You can't buy me.

How about I rent you for a couple of years?

You can't even window-shop.

If you'll excuse me,

I got a press conference...

Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.

Hey, Harris! Don't walk away!

Nice office you got here.

Don't work too hard!

Especially you, lady. Life is short.

So must be that thing in your pants.

Caught me stealing coffee!

I hear the coffee downstairs

is even greasier than the reporting.

So now you know I work at Hard Edition.

I hear you're a good cameraman.

You've been asking about me?

Here, let me give you my card.

You don't need to sneak around.

The digits are right here.

The first one's the office...

...the other one's the important one,

that's the phone by the bed.

I bet that one doesn't ring much.

I'll think about it.

Kevin, it's me! Come in. Over.

- What?

- Kevin, are you there? Over.

- Darryl, not now, please!

- I can't hear you. Talk into the buckle.

- I said, "Not now." I'm busy.

- Closer. I can't hear you.

- Not now.

- Closer. Over.

- Not now, I'm busy.

- Closer. Roger.

This is as close as I can talk.

I would love to play with you,

but now is not the time. I got work to do.

When I've finished my work,

we'll go in the bathroom.

I'll play with you then.

Make sure everything's working.

We can check you out.

I thought about it.

And I just changed my mind.

I wasn't talking to my jammy!

Oh, damn.

$5 from the Johnsons.

They don't have two nickels

to rub together, and they still pitched in.

People know a good cause

when they see one.

Nobody moves! Give me all your money!

Now! That's it!

- That, too! Hand it over!

- They're checks.

Hand it over!

You ought to think about showering

if you want to remain anonymous.

Good evening.

Michael Minelli sends his regards.

Stop it! What are you doing?

Darryl, talk.

You haven't said a word all night.

What are you doing? Stop this!

Help me, somebody!

Come here!

He's got a knife!

Oh, God, I'm going to die!

Thank you, young man.

The rest of you ain't sh*t!

Gee whiz, Kevin. Look what's happening

to our neighborhood.

They're gambling right out in the open.

They're just throwing bones.

Look at that car.

They have no respect for the law anymore.

They're selling drugs

right across the street from our house!

Darryl, it's a crack house.

That's what they do, sell crack.

They shouldn't be doing that.

They're apes.

That's a crack house.

Come here! Darryl!

You can't walk in no crack house!

Those people are animals.

- They'd sell their own babies for a hit.

- That's why someone should close it down!

I got news for you, Urkel.

You don't need a permit

to open up a crack house.

You close that one,

another one'll open up next to it.

You can't walk around like some vigilante.

- Why not? Batman did it.

- Batman?

That was fantasy. He had everything.

You live in reality. You got nothing.

You're no Batman.

Maybe I ought to be.

Bring your goofy ass on!

It's politics as usual

in the Mayor's Office.

Newly elected Mayor Marvin Harris has

reappointed to the building commission...

...several reputed associates

of crime lord Michael Minelli.

So much for campaign promises.

In other news:
With no end to

the budget crisis in sight...

...unpaid police continue a citywide work

slowdown. Which raises the question:

As crime escalates,

who will keep our streets safe?

I'm Kimberly Jonz

and I'm saying good night.

- Darryl!

- What?

What's going on?

What are you doing in there?

I'm busy.

Come on.

Stop all that noise. Let's go back to bed.

Wait! Don't go yet!

I want to show you something!

Kevin, are you ready?

You better be because here I come!

Look, I'm a crime fighter!

What do you think?

If you walk out on the street like that...

...they're going to arrest you

and lock you in the nuthouse.

No, Kevin, this is real.

The costume is bulletproof.

Besides, look at all these great gadgets.

See, these are handcuffs.

And I got stink bombs,

made from concentrated flatulence.

I collected it while you were sleeping.

Kevin, look at these.

Electric nunchakus.

Sorry.

This is a nightmare.

No, Kevin Walker. The best is yet to come.

I made you an outfit, too.

J-5, retrieve crime fighting outfit.

That's it. Get out now, Darryl!

Remember you said Batman had a costume

with gadgets? Well?

No, I said Batman had money.

Which is why I got to go back to bed

to wake up to make some for me and you.

Kevin, don't you want to make the world

a safer place?

I've been up all night.

Ever since my grandmother died,

he's just getting worse and worse.

I got bills to pay.

I can't even afford to pay for the funeral.

How's that lesbian

necrophiliac story coming?

Thanks for the love.

Hello, Betty!

Hello.

- What are you doing down here?

- I came to see if you were busy tonight.

I'm not busy tonight. What do you want

to do? You want to go out to eat?

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

I got a guy who's gonna snitch

on Michael Minelli...

...and my best cameraman's sick,

so I'm desperate.

So you come to me?

It's not exactly sheep whipping

or public spankings, but it's a job.

If things go well, it could be full-time.

You said you want to do real news.

Here's your chance.

- You in or out?

- I'm in.

I'm not in exactly where I want to be,

but I'm in.

Darryl, I got great news!

I got a real news assignment!

Darryl!

Darryl, I got a real job.

My God.

Car 6239, report to 425 West 10th Street.

Disturbance in alley of building.

Hey! Wait for me!

- Take me to 10th Street. On the double.

- It's not my route. I go to the Southside.

You don't understand!

There are innocent lives at stake.

I need your assistance.

I'm a crime fighter!

Sure you are. Listen,

pal, look in the back.

You're a freak, just like them.

Why don't you get in the back or get out?

Driver, take me to 10th Street now!

Get out of here!

I want my money, girl!

I don't have it, Biff, I swear.

Listen!

You better come up with it or I'll have

to slap you around. Understand?

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

What the hell is this?

ls the circus in town?

Get out of here before I hurt you.

Let the lady go.

- You want to take her place?

- No.

But I will if I have to.

I'll beat you like you're

one of my b*tches.

Then slap me around and call me Susan.

I warned you, Susan.

Someone should help that lady.

You give up or you want me

to get rough with you?

Listen, you little creep...

...you got three seconds

to get the hell out of here!

- One...

- Two, three.

Go ahead and shoot me.

Look what you made me do!

I had to kill a guy in this goddamn alley!

Give me my money!

Want to try it again?

What the hell are you?

Try shooting him in the head.

Yeah, shoot him in the head.

That's right.

I'll shoot him in the head.

Let's get out of here. Come on.

Don't call me by my real name.

You're blowing my secret identity.

Nobody knows who you are.

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