Blankman Page #3

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Let's go, Loonyman!

I don't believe you.

I almost had him.

Did you like my Bruce Lee stuff?

That's what I was going to do.

I was gonna karate chop...

Just come on.

Hey, Chuck...

...you got to hear this.

Tell him who you've come to see.

I want to speak to the Commissioner.

Tell him why. Tell him why.

I'm a crime fighter.

I had a run-in with some punks last night.

I'm trying to get police cooperation

as I take these street punks down.

I don't see what's so funny.

What about your name?

Tell him your name.

Okay. I don't have one yet.

But I'm leaning toward Brotherman.

ls there someone behind me?

What's the joke?

I got a name for you.

How about Shithead Man?

I want to see the Commissioner.

I'll go get him.

Oh, Commissioner?

Shithead Man's here to see you!

- He's busy.

- This is not a joke.

I'm not leaving here, darn it,

until I see the Commissioner!

The judge said he can go

as long as you take him to a shrink.

Thanks a lot, Officer.

'Bye, guys. And remember what I said:

A life of crime is a waste of what?

- Eat me.

- Take a hike!

I really think I reached a couple of them.

Darryl, what is this?

An aerial view of the Fiji Islands.

And this?

A decorative Incan burial mask.

And these?

That's a tough one.

I'll pass.

You sure you want to pass?

The South American "Twitsue" butterfly.

I got to tell you, Kevin:

Not only is your brother normal,

he's actually rather brilliant.

The only problem I see is he's a geek.

No, no, no. He's got problems.

He thinks he's a superhero.

Tell him how you're a superhero.

I'm not a superhero, silly-billy.

Are you going to chump me?

Tell him how you fight crime.

I'm an ordinary citizen.

The police fight crimes.

What's gotten into you lately?

He is a superhero.

Last night, when we were fighting crime,

he got shot. Bullets bounced right off him!

See, he invented a jacket

that bullets bounce right off.

I can't get any sleep lately because of

him. There's this female at my workplace.

She thinks I'm not right,

'cause she caught me talking to my nuts.

You were talking to your testicles?

No! I was talking to Darryl

through my belt buckle.

You were talking to Darryl's testicles?

No.

Tell me about your mother.

You say one more thing about my mother,

I'll kick you in the side of your head!

There's a lot of anger here.

ls there this much anger around the house?

It's like living with

a swollen Gary Coleman.

Why did you do that?

Now that doctor thinks I'm crazy.

Why didn't you tell him

about the superhero thing?

And give away my secret identity?

So you're not going to give this up.

This is my calling!

I have to make the world a safer place

for my children.

Your children?

You got to be with a woman first!

You got to knock some boots, man!

You're a virgin!

No, I'm a gentleman.

This is obviously something...

...you've got to do

to work through Grandma's death.

If that's what you've got to do, fine.

But we'll do this together.

But we will do it my way.

Okay, Karateman!

- What?

- That's your crime fighter name.

No, no. Don't call me that.

You call this fighting crime,

housing patrol?

Can't we at least wear the costumes?

Hell, no.

I'm not putting on them stupid costumes.

Help me! You got to help me!

- ls someone following you?

- No, no!

A lady in my building needs help!

- Holy needy neighbor!

- ls she getting kidnapped?

- No!

- Her house is on fire?

No! She's stuck in the elevator.

Right. We got a situation.

- You are going to help her, right?

- Yeah.

- What building is she in?

- Follow me.

- Where are you going?

- I got to get something. I'll be back.

Help! ls anyone there?

We'll try and get you out as soon

as we can, but you got to be patient, okay?

Step back!

What's that?

It's called the "Speculum of Life."

Okay. Step back. There's fire in the hole.

I'm going in.

Come on!

Grab on. I'll lower us down.

Sure, do it your own way.

She's pregnant. We'll need an ambulance.

- I'll radio for help.

- I'm in labor!

- I'm going to have this baby right now.

- Mayday!

We've got a pregnant situation

at 13 Fillmore Street.

I need assistance now, please.

Hang on, I'm coming down. Just hang on!

I'm almost there now.

Just hang on!

I'm almost there, I'm coming!

Keep breathing.

Okay, help is on its way.

What we gonna do?

We're going to have to deliver this baby.

We can't do that.

We'll have to see her thing!

Just get down there and catch this baby.

- It's so ugly.

- Just do it!

Push.

Take my hand.

- You have a big finger.

- Thank you.

Whatever you're doing, it's working.

I'm starting to see something.

I see a head. It's coming.

It's coming!

It's a boy!

It's a boy!

I'm a father.

Can you let go of my finger now?

- Where's the baby?

- He's bringing him up.

He delivered him. He saved me.

- How wonderful!

- Great photo.

You're a hero.

You were wonderful.

Who are you?

What?

He's gone blank, ma'am.

Blankman.

Well, you're a true hero, Blankman.

Blankman.

Help, Blankman!

Help! Fe-fe's stuck under the house!

Don't worry. I'll save your little puppy.

Please save him. Please, please!

Hi, Fe-fe.

Come on, give me the money!

Come on! Hurry up!

Our closing story is a hopeful one,

for a change.

It's about a caped crusader

who calls himself Blankman.

Numerous reports have come from police

and citizens about his heroic exploits.

In a city where joblessness

and lawlessness run rampant...

...it's hard to believe that goodness

is coming back in style.

Well, if it is,

this reporter just wants to say thanks.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Apparently one man can make a difference.

Minelli wants to see you.

Good. I want to see him, too.

How you doing, Mr. Mayor?

Listen, the DA is investigating

that Civic Center thing.

I want to shut that thing down.

Don't worry about no witnesses.

We'll take care of that.

Not only will the investigation continue,

but...

...l'm going to recommend to the DA

that he issue a warrant for your arrest...

...for bribery and extortion.

You're kidding me, right? Are you bluffing?

You're negotiating.

You're not kidding me, you're not bluffing,

you're not negotiating.

You're asking for trouble?

Yeah.

I'm asking for trouble.

You're going to get it.

What's all this stuff?

Neat, isn't it? People keep sending

this stuff to Blankman as a gift.

They even sent money.

Really? How much?

One guy sent $5,000.

Great! Where is it?

I gave it back.

I told him,

"Send me all your appliances instead."

I mean, who needs money

when you got neat stuff like this?

Now what is this?

The lower half of a roller blade.

The lower half of a

Rollerblade, the bottom.

Have you lost your mind?

I guess we know you've lost your damn...

Get this sh*t out of here, man!

Get all of it out!

All of it, Darryl! Get this stuff out!

Give me that!

What did I just throw out there?

Your radio.

Come here, Darryl!

Open up.

Open this door!

"There's a magic in your heart

"lf you open it you'll see

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