Blended Page #8

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Um, sure.

What should I sing?

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds

Are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where

You'll find me

- There's a gorilla right there!

- Aah!

I'm just kidding! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, I just couldn't handle how

emotional it was getting. I just... I'm sorry.

Get some rest.

I didn't mean to do that to you.

So get in your stance. That's right.

And spread your legs just a little bit.

Like an inch.

Elbow up. It's all about balance.

That's right. That's right.

Keep your weight right there.

How do you even play cricket?

We're not playing cricket.

We're playing baseball.

The only thing at the hotel they had

was this stupid battle thingamajiggy.

Who's that guy?

He's some guy named Dale.

Uh, he'll be pitching to you.

Yeah, in cricket we don't pitch,

we bowl.

Hey, Dale.

How much am I paying you?

Five Brooklyn T-shirts

from your sporting goods store.

Okay, I'm gonna make it four

if you correct me again.

All right, Dale. Pitch...

Or bowl one in.

- I stink at this.

- No, it's not you. It's not you.

Dale, you think maybe you can reach

the plate? That would help.

Actually, in cricket we bounce the...

I'll try. I'll try.

All right.

Elbow up. Come on. Get there.

I don't wanna do this!

Hey. What are you doing?

You don't throw your bat.

Or whatever this thing is called.

- A bat.

- Thank you.

You're an athlete. You're a sportsman.

You gotta respect your equipment.

- Yes, sir.

- We ain't leaving here...

...till you hit the ball

as good as you ride an ostrich.

Pick up the bat.

Hey. I know you're up there all alone.

It's scary.

You feel like all the pressure's on you.

But guess what?

The pressure is on him.

Doesn't look like

he's feeling the pressure.

Oh, he's feeling it all right. He doesn't

think he can get the ball past you.

I want you to look him right in the eyes

and let him know you own him.

Go ahead.

That's it, big time.

Give him the stink eye.

What's his problem?

Well, look at that. You rattled him.

Okay. Dale, pitch it in if ya got the guts.

Whoa!

Yes! Did you see that? I killed it!

Let's do it a hundred more times.

If I hit like that, my dad's gonna start

coming to my games.

What's going on here?

Jim just taught me how to make

the pitcher my b*tch.

Ah-ah-ah.

My brother doesn't need you

to teach him how to hit!

Okay. You wanna show him how to do it?

Let's see what you got.

I don't need to prove

anything to you, d-bag.

Dale, did he really

just call me a d-bag?

This sh*t just got real.

I'm gonna kill you.

Okay, we'll see. Let's get your gloves up.

Face protected.

Kick his ass, Brendan!

- What's that?

- Kick his ass, Jim!

Uh-huh. Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

You see, you gotta look at your target.

How about I put a picture of your babysitter

on my face? Will you look at it then? Huh?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Just leave her out of this!

Use your right hand.

You're better with that one.

- All right, all right. Boom.

- Oh!

- You seem pissed at me.

- You just hit me!

No! Before that. Before that,

like when we first met.

- Just think that my mom could do better.

- First of all, she can't do better.

Because no one's better than me.

I am the greatest.

Secondly, I think it's nice

that you wanna protect your mommy.

I hate you!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. Calm down.

That was good though.

Showing a little something in there.

Listen, being a man...

...ain't about pissing and moaning

anytime something's bothering you.

It's about dealing with what's

in front of you. So deal with me.

Are you okay?

That was sneaky. But I'm fine.

Does that make me a man now, Jimbo?

No.

Asking me if I was okay, that was a start.

They are blending

They are bonding

Yeah, that's great. Didn't know you guys

worked out together, but it makes sense.

When one person

Meets another

Come together

Oh, they are blending

And then what happened?

The bowler threw it,

and I hit it like a mile away.

Yeah. And then Jim taught me

how to box.

And after 5 minutes,

I basically knocked him out.

Yeah!

Well, that was nice of him.

Kind of worked out well,

they came on this trip.

Yes, it did.

Lauren, you looked so hot in this dress,

I had to buy it for you.

And by "buy," I mean "steal."

Hope you're having fun on my vacation.

So its tongue was ridiculous.

It got me, like, all over.

It was, like, in balls.

They were like:

Like a stem going against each

other, head-to-head.

Dad. Did you comb your hair?

No. Got out of the shower like this,

I guess.

You took a shower?

I shower! I'm allowed to shower.

My God.

- I haven't taken a shower since we got here.

- I know. You stink. I love it.

Yeah, I stink bad.

Yeah, you stink real bad.

Your breath smells terrible.

Where's Lauren?

Wow.

- Look at Mom.

- Hello.

Dad! Say something to her.

Yes, yes. You look very, very nice.

Oh, well, thank you. You showered.

Am I really known as the non-shower guy?

I shower all the time, guys.

No, he doesn't.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...it's the final night...

...of our blended family experience

here in Africa.

Our tradition is to invite the kiddies

to the pool area...

...for our famous kids-only

safari buffet...

...and 10-foot chocolate

rain forest fountain!

Can we go, Dad?

All right, go ahead.

Stay with you sisters though.

My boy here's a chocoholic.

You better watch out.

Or he's gonna jump in and come out

looking like a handsome Hershey bar.

Did you see that?

I made him smile. He tried not to

but he couldn't help himself.

- We're gonna be a great family.

- Yes, we are.

Love you.

All of the little ones have gone.

Tonight the dining room is:

Adults-only.

Yeah, now we're getting there.

Let's have all you blended lovers

on the dance floor.

Love

Is a many blended thing

It's the April rose

That only grows

In the early spring

It's crazy, huh?

The song.

He took the word "splendid"

and replaced it with "blended."

So clever. It rhymes!

But, the real word is "splendored."

So wouldn't it be "blendored"?

What's this now?

I'm just rambling. I'm sorry. What...?

- Heh.

- Are you ready, Mr. Chiapetolis?

"Chiapetolis"? All right. He finally got it.

- Heh. Ready for what?

- You scheduled a star-gazing experience.

So...

...Mrs. Chiapetolis,

would you like to come join me?

- Oh. Yeah.

- All right.

Once

High on a windy hill

Or two hills, that's good

On a morning mist,

Two lovers kiss

Just a little bit farther.

- All right. Thank you.

- Okay.

Here we are.

Dinner for two.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

This is good.

I gotta give it up to Dick. He's probably

the most romantic guy on the planet.

Yeah, he's got the moves.

No doubt about it.

I bet this is where

he was gonna ask Jen to marry him.

Maybe.

We were able to get everything

you asked for this morning...

...except the sticks of cheese

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