Blended Page #7

Synopsis: After a blind date gone horribly wrong, Jim and Lauren agree they never, ever want to see each other again. Well, that's all about to change when the two find themselves and their respective families (including children) all stuck together in one suite at an African Safari vacation spot.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Frank Coraci
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  1 win & 10 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.5
Metacritic:
31
Rotten Tomatoes:
14%
PG-13
Year:
2014
117 min
Website
7,470 Views


- That's sweet.

I may have misread that situation.

- You think so, buddy?

- What is wrong with you?

Yeah, Lauren!

Yeah. baby!

- No!

- You can do it, Mom!

Go Lauren! Go Lauren!

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

Emotional. Time passing. Changes.

It's... it's... It's hard.

You gotta let it go.

Turning the page. Moving on.

She was a little kid just a...

Processing it. Accepting it.

The circle of life. Painful, though.

It hurts, right?

No. Not for me. I got a boy.

But you're in the shithouse.

Thanks.

Whoo! Aah!

The view is splendid!

Which mean "who's next?"

Please, Mom?

What? That? Are you crazy? No.

If Mfana can do it, I could do it.

It's totally safe.

There is no way

I'm going to let you do that.

Unless I try it first...

- ...and make sure you can handle it.

- Yes!

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Your mom is gonna do it.

You have nothing to worry about.

You are in tight.

You got 50-gauge webbing here.

Possibly malaria is the only thing

you gotta think about.

Don't swallow anything weird up there.

Okay. What happens if, like,

I wanna signal for help...

- ...or, like, if I decide to change my mind? Aah!

- Whoa!

Oh, yeah, baby!

- You look good!

- Oh, my God!

I change my mind! I change my mind!

- Whoo!

- That's awesome!

Oh.

Wow!

Oh, my God!

It's beautiful!

Go, Mama, go!

Aah! Aah!

There are giraffes!

Jim, there are giraffes right there!

I can see them!

Well, say hello for me!

Oh, wow!

Oh, this is so pretty!

Oh, my God! Elephants! Elephants!

Aah!

- Thatta girl!

- Go Lauren!

Why is she screaming?

She's not screaming. She's howling.

She's having fun.

Looking good up there, baby!

Fly, Mrs. Thorpopolis! Fly like the wind!

Tyler! You've gotta try this!

Why you slowing down?

- We're out of gas.

- You're out of gas? What does that mean?

We used to have gas.

But now we're out.

Oh.

Oh, my God! What's happening?

Jim!

- We're out of gas!

- What?

- Oh, no.

- Oh, my God! No!

This is all your fault!

Don't worry!

My dad's gonna come up with a plan!

- What's the plan?

- Look for a gas station.

You suck.

Why did I let you talk me into this?

Listen to me!

When you get close to the ground...

...start running fast!

I have the legs of a corgi dog!

It doesn't matter right now!

Move those little babies!

You cannot let your kids

see you die like this!

Go! Go! Go!

Now! Get those legs going!

Oh, my God! Rhino!

- Rhino, rhino!

- Oh, my God!

Spread them!

- Oh, my God!

- Spread the legs!

- Aah!

- Her bagina!

Aah! Ow!

Yeah!

Ugh!

- Go, go, go, go, go!

- Dad!

Ooh.

Aah.

I didn't have you pegged

for the massage type of guy.

It's the first massage I'll ever do in my life.

I have to.

To see if they can rub

my pancreas out of my neck.

My God. You're welcome, by the way.

For what?

"For what?" For saving you.

You didn't save me.

You told me to keep running.

Why didn't you catch me?

I was supposed to catch you?

Who am I, Batman?

Coming at me like 700 miles an hour.

You're weighing about a buck fifty.

The inertia would rip my arms off my body.

Yes. That's me. I weigh a buck fifty.

If I'm holding your left ass cheek.

- I don't know what women weigh.

- You don't know anything.

Mm-hm. We'll see.

- Have a nice massage.

All right. Now do the same on your partner...

...while making sure to continue

to look deeply into each others' eyes.

- What is this?

- A scene out of The Doors?

I don't know. Uh...

Ma'am? Yeah. I booked a massage.

Yes. You've booked

for the Art of Couples massage.

- I just got a call from my babysitter...

- Oh. There was an avalanche in my back yard...

Come on!

This is exactly what you guys need.

We'll form a massage train.

I'll be the caboose.

- Unacceptable.

- I'm joking.

- Join us.

- No, ma'am.

- I'm so good.

- I'm being totally honest...

I think you should. This way.

- And there you go.

- Oh, my God.

Okay!

Let's loosen things up

by stroking your lover's neck.

Okay

Come on now.

Don't be bashful.

Give yourself over to the pleasure

of your loving partner's touch.

Yeah.

- Hello.

- How are you?

Ow.

Remember to keep the touch soft.

Lightly brush your fingers

against her skin.

It's so...

Oh, God! What's happening?

- Is there a bug on me?

- No.

There's no bug. I was just trying

to get some skin, like she said.

- Well, that hurts the jugular.

- I won't do it.

I'm sorry. I don't know...

...how to give you a...

Okay, so...

- There you go.

- Oh.

- That's actually really nice. Heh.

- Good.

Oh, God.

Oh.

I feel like I'm relaxing.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Excuse me. Am I gonna get

some sort of rub action here...

...or does the guy do all the work

in Africa?

Very funny, Mr. Moptopolis.

But he's right.

Ladies, it's time for you to join in.

As your partner moves down

to your shoulders, reach out...

...and touch his ears.

Gently rub the lobes

between your thumb and index finger...

...as if you were rubbing the morning dew...

- ...off a flower petal.

- Uh-huh.

- Are these your flower petals?

- Yes.

- Now rub the dew. Ha, ha. Do the dew.

- Heh.

I'd be doing you a really big favor if I just

yanked these goofy things right off.

Oh, just shut up, schlumpy shoulders.

- I do have schlumpy shoulders.

- No, you don't. They're very nice.

But you know what helps

if you need to work on your posture?

Here, just lift your arms a little bit.

Watch, I'll show you. Right...

Feels very good.

- You have nice shoulders.

- Really?

You really have a lot of muscle.

- Not as much as you.

- Heh.

From carrying that kid around

and smashing his head.

- Ugh.

- Oh, yeah!

Mr. Wernick.

Those are not your wife's shoulders.

Busted!

Loving it though. Respect the vision.

I get it.

- Gotta go for it, right?

- You do!

Whoa.

Mm. That was so relaxing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hope I put your pancreas

back where it belongs.

I don't even know where it is right now.

- Are you my sexy little wormhole?

- Yeah, I'm your sexy little wormhole!

They have fun.

That's very pretty.

You were very nice. Thank you.

Heh. Oh, you know.

You're a strong woman. Strong hands.

Mm. I'm glad you like my hands.

Daddy?

Can Lauren put me to bed?

Sweetheart, Daddy will put you to bed

in one second.

But I want Lauren.

Lauren...

Another time, Lauren will do that.

But I want her to put me to bed tonight.

And Daddy said no.

- Mm!

- No.

- Mm!

- No!

I want Lauren.

I'm flattered.

That's good. You're all right.

Okay. How's that?

Are you all cozy now?

Yes.

Daddy?

Can you give us some alone time?

I could go to the bathroom outside.

Is that what you want? You got it.

Thrown out of my own tent.

I own him.

It seems that way.

Can you rub my head

so I have good dreams?

Of course.

What a cute little head.

Ew.

Couldn't go a little further

from the tent?

What do you want from me? There

could be gorillas out here, ready to kill.

Well, why don't you get them to give you

some Flomax or something.

Yep, getting older. I'll give you that.

Can you sing to me?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Ivan Menchell

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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