Blithe Spirit Page #10

especially lndia.

l dematerialised old Lady Sudbury after she'd

been entrenched in the chapel for over 1 7 years.

- Can you tell me how?

- By chance. A fluke.

- By the merest coincidence.

- What did you do?

ln good time. Wait.

Now, who was present during our first seance?

Only the Bradmans

and Ruth and me and yourself.

- But the Bradmans aren't here tonight.

- No.

Quickly. My crystal.

- Here.

- Thank you.

Drat the thing! lt gives me the pip.

lt's cloudy again.

Oh, that's better. lt's there again.

l'm beginning to understand.

l wish l was. What's there again?

The bandage, the white bandage.

Hold on to a white bandage.

- l haven't got a white bandage.

- Sh!

She's too good, you know.

She ought to be in a circus.

Be you in nook or cranny, answer me.

Be you in still room or closet, answer me.

Be you behind the panel,

above the stairs, beneath the eaves,

waking or sleeping, answer me!

Well, that ought to do it or l'm a Dutchman.

- Do what?

- Sh, sh, sh! Wait.

lt's near.

lt's near. lt's very near.

ELVlRA:
lf it's a ghost, l shall scream.

Did you ring, sir?

The bandage. The white bandage.

Hello, Edith.

l'm sorry, sir. l could have sworn l heard the bell

or somebody calling.

l was asleep. l don't rightly know which it was.

Come here, child.

Oh.

Well, go on. Go to Madame Arcati.

lt's quite all right.

Who do you see in this room, child?

- Oh, dear.

- Answer, please.

- You, madam.

- Go on.

The master.

Anyone else?

Oh, no, madam.

- Look again.

- l don't understand, sir.

Oh, come, child, don't beat about the bush.

Look again.

Do you see anyone else now?

- Oh, no, madam.

- She's lying.

- Madam?

- They always do.

They?

MADAME ARCATl:
Where are they now?

By the piano.

She can see them.

Do you mean to say she can see them?

Probably not very clearly, but enough.

Let me go. l haven't done nothing

nor seen anybody. Let me go back to bed.

- Get her a sandwich.

- l don't want a sandwich.

- l want to go back to bed.

- Oh, nonsense.

There you are, dear.

A healthy girl like you saying no to a delicious

sandwich? l never heard of such a thing.

- Sit down, dear.

- Please, sir...

Do as Madame Arcati says.

lf she's been the cause of all this,

l shall give her a week's notice tomorrow.

You may not be here tomorrow.

Now, look at me, Edith.

Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

Oh, dear. What's the matter with her?

ls she barmy?

Here, Edith.

This is my finger. Look.

Have you ever seen

such a long, long, long finger before?

Now it's on the left.

Now it's on the right.

Backwards and forwards it goes.

Very quietly, you see...

backwards and forwards.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

The mouse ran up the clock.

- Be quiet. You'll spoil everything.

- Tick tock.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Rumpty-dumpty tiddly-um. Hi-tighty-oh-toe.

- So far so good. She's off, all right.

- Off?

She's a natural.

Just the same as the Sudbury case.

Really, it's the most amusing coincidence.

Now, then, if you'd ask your wives

to stand close together, please.

- Yes, yes. Where?

- Over there, by the window.

Ruth. Elvira.

- l resent being ordered about like this.

- l'm afraid l must insist.

l don't like this.

l don't like any of it.

l feel peculiar.

lt would serve you right

if we flatly refused to do anything at all.

Are you sorry for having been so mischievous?

Oh, yes, madam.

- You know what to do now, don't you?

- Oh, yes, madam.

l believe it's going to work, whatever it is.

- Oh, Charles.

- Sh!

This is goodbye, Charles.

Make her stop.

There's something l want to say before l go.

Too late now.

- Well, of all the mean, ungrateful...

- Charles, listen...

MADAME ARCATl:
Lights!

EDlTH:
? l'll be loving you

? Always

? With a love that's true

? Always

? When the things you've planned

need a helping...

l saw Captain Bracegirdle again, Charles,

several times.

l went to the 400 with him twice

while you were in Nottingham

and l must say

that l couldn't have enjoyed myself more.

Don't think you're getting rid of us so easily.

You may not be able to see us,

but we shall be here, all right.

? ..always

? When the things you've planned

? Need a helping hand...

They've gone.

They've really gone.

Splendid. Hurrah! We've done it.

- ?..always...

- That's quite enough singing.

You'd better wake her up.

She might bring them back.

Wake up, child.

- Where am l?

- lt's all right, Edith. You can go to bed now.

But l was in bed. How did l get down here?

l rang. l rang the bell and you answered it.

- Did l drop off? Do you think it's my concussion?

- Off you go, Edith.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, indeed.

Oh, sir, whatever for?

Oh, sir!

Well, what on earth did she mean by that?

Woo!

Golly, what a night!

- l'm ready to drop in my tracks.

- l'm deeply grateful to you.

l trust that you'll send in your account

in due course.

Good heavens. lt was a pleasure.

l shouldn't dream of such a thing.

Would you like to stay in the spare room?

No, thanks.

Each to his own nest.

l'll pedal home in a jiffy. lt's only seven miles.

- l'll collect my tackle later on.

- Give me the pleasure of lunching with you.

When you come back, l shall be delighted.

Come back?

Take my advice and go away immediately.

But... You don't mean...?

This must be an unhappy house for you.

There must be memories, both grave and gay,

in every corner. Also...

Also what?

''There are more things in heaven and earth,''

Mr Condomine.

Just go. Pack up your traps

and go as soon as possible.

You don't mean they might still be here?

''Qui?n sabe?'' As the Spanish say.

Hm, l think l will take your advice,

Madame Arcati. Thank you very much.

Well, goodbye, Mr Condomine. lt's been

fascinating. From first to last, fascinating.

Don't bother to see me out. l can find my way.

Cheerio, once more, and good hunting!

Ruth?

Elvira?

Are you there?

l know darn well you are there.

l just want to tell you it's no use your hanging

around any longer, because l'm going away.

l'm going a long way away.

Somewhere where you won't be able to follow

me. l don't believe ghosts can travel over water.

ls that quite clear, my darlings?

You said, in one of your more acid moments,

Ruth, that l'd been hag-ridden all my life.

How right you were.

But now l'm free, Ruth, dear, not only of Elvira

and Mother and Mrs Winthrop Llewellyn,

but free of you, too.

l should like to take this farewell opportunity

of saying that l'm enjoying it immensely.

Oh. Thank you.

You were very silly, Elvira, to think l didn't know

about you and Captain Bracegirdle. l did.

What you didn't realise was that l was extremely

attached to Paula Westlake at the time.

(Engine starts)

Goodbye, for the moment, my dears.

We're bound to meet again one day,

but, until we do,

l'm going to enjoy myself

as l've never enjoyed myself before.

(Tyres screech, car crashes)

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes