Blonde and Blonder

Synopsis: Dee and Dawn are two dim-witted, pink-clad, blond ladies whom meet by accident and try to make a living with their dull lives, until a series of circumstances ensue when after they unwittingly take jobs at a local strip club, they are mistaken for two deadly female brunette assassins known only as the Cat and the Kit whom are hired to kill the club owner whom is a mobster in a witness protection program. With two persistent, but inept, FBI agents on their tail, the ditsy Dee and Dawn try to stay one step head of the law, as well as try to figure out what is really going on.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Dean Hamilton
Production: Empire Film Group
 
IMDB:
2.9
PG-13
Year:
2007
95 min
172 Views


Oh, something's back there.

Oh.

Oh.

[laughing] You got one, too.

Oh! Thanks.

You're welcome.

Oh.

Oh.

Nice outfit. I meant to tell

you back there.

Thanks.

Yours, too.

They think I'm crazy

to get this for flying.

[scoffs] Me too. Shows

what they know.

Yeah. It's all about taste.

[giggles] I'm Dawn.

Dee.

Cool. Dawn-Dee. [chuckles]

That's so cute.

I guess so.

Shall we take this baby up?

Sounds good to me.

So what's next?

Uh. We start the engine and we

take off into the sky.

Okay. They make it

sound so easy.

(Dee) That's how they

explained it to me.

(Dawn) Oh-uh, tell me if I'm doing

something wrong.

Okay. But I'm sure

you'll know first.

I'll just pay close attention.

[giggles] Wow, I feel like I'm

at Driver's Ed again.

Hey, great office supplies!

Oh, thanks.

That's a cute pen.

Alright!

I want to take some notes.

Okay. Alright. So,

seatbelt, check.

Mirrors?

Don't see any.

Um. Blinkers?

Headlights?

I'm just gonna get my book out. Okay.

Um. Alright.

Well, I turn on the master switch,

then the ignition?

Okay.

Push the throttle.

[both laugh and yell]

(Both) We're flying!

Turn! Turn!

[laughs] I did it!

I can't believe it.

Okay. Miss St. Dom

and Miss Dee Twiddle.

We're gonna be flying over

some incredible sce--

Amazing? Incredible scenery.

[gasps heavily] No!

Ladies!

Ladies, stop the plane.

Ladies! Ladies!

Uh! Oh!

Stop the plane!

Alright, here we go!

Up, up and today!

[gasps and heaves] Oh-- Oh, God!

What's wrong, Frank?

Bernie's lost his mind. He took

off without clearance.

Bernie?

That'd be a first.

What the hell is he thinking?

You can ask him yourself.

Oh my God.

They took the plane.

Who took the plane?

Two blondes.

Blondes.

Blondes.

Blondes?

Oh my God.

We're flying!

I can't believe it!

Do you always get this

excited when you fly?

Yeah. Don't you?

Sure.

So when did you start flying?

Well, today's my first lesson.

Really? Me, too.

Oh, that's funny.

Sean Bromley steps up to the tee,

he's an amateur in this

Pro Am Tournament,

and as you might see,

a par here could tie

him for the day.

Oh my God!

We're gonna crash!

Look at that!

What a shot!

Right for the pin.

A hole in one?

Could it be?

That's pretty freaking low.

Do something!

What?

(Both) Turn it off!

We're gonna crash!

Run for your life!

Look out!

Oh,

Oh!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the airplane has just made a hole in one.

We're going up to the plane

right now

there are two people inside,

They're okay!

There are two women

who just came out of the plane.

They seem to be okay.

We come in peace.

They're blond.

Is there a lawyer in here?

Uh, I'm a lawyer!

Yeah, me too.

I'm a lawyer.

I'm a litigation attorney.

Yeah, right here.

So,

the bastard's living in Vancouver.

Can you believe the nerve?

Took an add out using his real name.

"The Beaver Patch Lounge."

Seems like old Louie hasn't changed a bit.

But the Witness Protection Program don't

know nothing about this.

They will soon enough.

Let me take him out, boss.

It would give me great pleasure.

No.

We need someone to move undetected.

Too many FBI protecting him.

In and out, in the blink of an eye.

The Cat's eye.

The Cat?

Who better to kill a rat?

The perfect assassin.

Still completely unknown even by me.

A mastermind killer with an IQ off the

scale of normal humans.

She's never failed.

Even her victims haven't

seen her. A ghost.

She's not completely unknown

we know she's a woman--

Don't interrupt me! Who's the freaking

Godfather here, huh?

I'm sorry, boss.

Alright.

A ghost,

that never leaves a trace.

Send half the kill money to her contact.

If she nails this one,

we'll let her take out the

infamous Mr. Wong.

Looks like I got another job, Kit.

Woo Hoo,

party time!

The Godfather wants me

to take out Lou Rimoli

at the Beaver Patch Lounge.

I thought you were retiring.

Let me take this one. You

have enough kills.

I have to do this last one, Kit.

A final favor for the Godfather.

Besides, doing Lou Rimoli will

be a pleasure.

I promise,

after this one I'll turn the

claw over to you.

Meow.

I love you.

For driving without a license.

Pay a $100 fine and we don't even have

to show up in court.

Aw, those cops are so sweet.

I know, they were cute, too.

I know.

Look at John Daley.

I mean, please!

Come on, look around.

Check all this out.

All for me.

For my vision.

For my picture.

When I say "Jump" the

studio says "How high"?

Hey!

Oh!

All right! Let's shoot this thing

before the snow melts.

Where's my megaphone guy?

Too slow!

You're fired!

Get me a new megaphone guy.

[sighs] What are

we listening to?

Oh, that's The Sound

of Music.

Oh, cool.

What's the music called?

Move! Hey!

Nobody yells "move" on my set. I'll tell

you when to move.

Move!

Oh!

Are you okay?

[gasps] Those jerks!

Who were those crazy blondes?

Are they trying to get killed?

Didn't they see there

were no crosswalks? Jeez.

God! Stupid Hill Piggies.

They'd better not have scratched my car.

I know.

(Dee) Are you okay?

(Dawn) I think so.

Are you okay?

Uh, I think so, too.

What a day.

Take a left here and then two rights.

Wait, no. I'm sorry.

Take a right here and then two lefts.

Wait. Can you say that again?

U m, I don't think so.

[mouths silently]

(Dee) Hey, are we

going in circles?

(Dawn) [chuckles] No, don't be silly.

Go left. Okay,

turn left and just

Here we go!

Wait, sharp right.

Woo! I'm dizzy!

(Dawn) [chuckles] Beep! We're here!

Oh! I'm in this one.

How long have you lived here?

Nine months.

How about you?

Not nearly that long. About a year.

Oh. Hey,

you wanna come see Virgil?

Is he cute?

He's really cute.

Sure!

It's so cold.

Are you a magician?

No, it always does that.

Really?

Can I try?

Sure.

[laughs] I love it! Wow!

[laughs] I got to see him.

Virgil.

Virgil.

Virgil's your dog?

No, Virgil's not a dog.

Oh, there he is. [sings]

Virgil's a turtle.

(Dawn) Oh, Virgil.

(Dee) It'll take 'em over

a minute to get here.

He's the one to win the

race, right Virgil?

Oh, Virgil. I don't think you're

gonna win many races.

[chuckles] Well, just a

figure of speech.

(Dee) Baby, come

to mama.

Come here, baby.

He likes to kiss me.

He's so cute. Virgil.

Are we?

Go back under there.

There you go. Don't toot.

[farts]

What was that?

He has a little gas problem.

Oh, okay.

I got him from a turtle orphanage.

Really?

They have them?

Not enough.

That's my dream.

I want to have my own

turtle orphanage.

And I want to dance in a Broadway play.

That's nice.

[chuckles] What's your dream?

My dream is to marry the

man of my dreams.

Who is he?

I'll show you.

Wait 'till you see him.

(Dee) Oh, that's

what that's for.

Yeah. DVDs.

At Superfly, our destinations are

your dream vacations.

So come fly high with us.

(Dawn) Isn't he dreamy?

(Dee) Yeah, he's cute.

Can you help me land him?

Of course you can land him.

Really?

I mean, you have beauty and looks.

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Rolfe Kanefsky

Rolfe Kanefsky (born 1969) is an American film writer/director who specializes in horror films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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