Blonde and Blonder Page #2

You can't lose.

Oh, thank you.

So, where are you dancing? I'd love to

come see you some time.

Oh, well, I'm kinda

between jobs right now.

Oh, me too.

Yeah, I got fired for typos.

[gasps] What are typos?

I have no idea.

I was working at a talent agency,

you know, a receptionist and

secretarial stuff,

and I have to admit, I'm not

much of a typist.

Ah! Sh.

I love White-O.

Mr. Lean, there's something

wrong with the computer.

[sighs] What, what, what?

[sucks air in sharply

and sighs]

Oh, my--

Get out! Now!

Well,

I've been working on a little

Busby Berkeley, Gene Kelley number.

Oh, here. Sorry about that.

Ta-ta-ra-ra.

Ta-ta-ra-ra.

Oh! Oh!

(Dawn) [laughs]

(Dee) [sings]

Ta-ra-ta.

Oh!

[sings] Ta-ta-ra-ra.

Like this. Like that.

(Dee) Whew!

I always do that. And then,

it's a big fat, oh!

(Dee) Jeez. And then

it's a big Ta-ra!

(Dee) Oh! Ow!

Wow!

Ow!

Oh!

That's it.

That's so good!

Wow! My God, you're a

really good dancer.

You came up with all those

moves yourself?

Uh-huh. Well,

I had inspirations.

You're really good.

Thank you. Want to give it a try?

Give it a try.

Oh, God, no. That's a hard act to

follow, I couldn't do that.

You can, I will talk you through it.

Okay? Yeah, do it.

Okay.

I'll start the music again.

Okay. Hey.

(Dawn) Start with

the kicks.

Oh, sh*t. Well, sorry.

Just, just, um.

Okay. And a one,

and a two and a three.

Flashdance! Flashdance!

And perfect, oh!

Now one, two,

kick, kick those legs!

Kick it!

Oh my God.

Look at you.

You're so good.

Big finish!

Big finish!

Big finish?

Okay, big finish.

Big finish!

[whispers] Jazz hands.

[whispers] Jazz hands.

[whispers and chuckles]

That's so good.

You are a natural.

"Natural", my ass.

I didn't train in 8 years for that.

A lot of good it did me.

Because, how many jobs really ask you

to do the splits? Zippo.

Were you a dancer?

Gymnast. I tried out for the

National Park Olympics,

I placed 90th.

[gasps] What happened?

Discovered boys.

It was a lot more fun.

Because the guys really do

dig my backbends,

so maybe it wasn't a total waste.

A waste? With your talent, honey, you're

gonna make us stars!

Oh my God.

At last!

(Dee) The first

thing we do is

We do that by getting your first gig.

[gasps] Oh, look at this!

"Looking for dancers

at the Beaver Patch Lounge"

That sounds like a nice family show.

Yeah, with animals.

Like Doctor Doolittle.

Yeah.

You're going for this audition

and you'll get it.

With me,

you can't lose.

You think?

You know what they say, "Great minds do."

That's right.

I'm so excited.

"Beaver Patch Lounge" that sounds

like a great place to work.

Alright.

While transporting an alleged perpetrator

in the car,

someone passed some very nasty gas.

And you denied being the guilty party

and blamed the suspect,

Agent Campbell,

was it not in fact you,

who cut the cheese?

No.

Ha!

Damn!

This machine is good.

Alright, alright. It-- it's my turn now.

It's my turn. Okay.

Last fall, someone stole a donut,

off of my desk.

They took a bite,

and they put it back.

Was that in fact you,

Agent Gardenia?

No.

He, he.

Aw.

Okay, thi-- this machine

has got to be wacko.

Let's do one more round,

I'll give you, uh, uh,

five to one odds on this.

Hey.

I got a new job for you guys.

What's up,

boss?

Rimoli blew his cover

as protected witness.

He's running a joint called "The

Beaver Patch Lounge."

Until I can convince him to take on a new

identity and relocate,

I want you two to shadow him. Make

sure nobody wacks him.

Leave it to us, boss. No one will get

near him with us watching.

For the past several months

somebody's been writing unflattering

things about me

in the bathroom stalls.

Really?

Now, would that be you?

Or you?

Me? No. I-- I-- can assure you, sir,

that we-- we would never do such a thing.

We're professionals.

That's out of character.

I can assure you we would

never do such a thing.

These machines, look,

they're so unreliable

that-- that we're calibrating.

Just get out of my sight

before I hook up your family

jewels to those things.

[light chatter]

Damn. I don't believe it.

That's a very tasty act you

got there, my dear.

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm in an audition.

What am I doing?

Have you seen this ad?

Is the audition over?

No. Stay upside down.

You interrupt my fun to show me my ad?

You wrote this in the paper? You

used your real name.

No sh*t. The name Louie Rimoli

used to mean something in some places.

In powerful organizations

it means "Kill with extreme prejudice."

That was a long time ago.

They've probably forgotten.

Yeah, yeah.

Louie,

Louie, these people don't forget.

Oh, okay.

You're hired.

Send in the next girl.

So I can finish my lunch.

You know I didn't join the Agency

to protect the scum of the earth.

Reformed scum of the earth.

That's what the Witness Protection

Program is all about.

Look over there.

Tell me what's reformed.

We're here to protect Louie Rimoli.

Can't judge a book by it's cover,

Agent Campbell.

This book should have been judged

a long time ago.

My mother was right.

I should have been a bible salesman.

What?

Bibles.

No way.

Way.

Well, whatever floats

your boat, I guess.

I thought you were a Buddhist.

What are we doing here, Swan? We can get

in big sh*t for this.

This is The Cat's job.

Don't worry, Leo, You're gonna give

yourself a heart attack.

We won't interfere, you know.

Just wanna put a face to the

reputation. That's all.

Nobody knows what she looks like.

Ah, that's why we're here. Okay?

Now, keep your eyes peeled.

One of these women coming

in or going out

is the infamous Cat.

You're next, doll face.

Hi.

Hi.

We're here for the audition.

Aren't we all.

It amazes me the lengths people go

to to get these auditions.

I know.

I like your shorts.

Are those real nylon?

Oh, excuse me,

do you guys know what the show's about?

About?

Yeah.

Yeah. The plot. The driving

force if you will.

Oh! Oh,

the driving force?

Yeah, it's about producing

erections.

Oh.

It's a musical about architecture.

That's unusual, right?

No, not really.

Producing. Cool!

Mmm.

(Louie) So, uh, what've

you got for me?

Surprise of a lifetime.

Uh-huh?

It's nice.

You got another surprise for me?

You like this?

Oh!

Ah! Just give uncle Louie a taste

maybe, huh?

You know what? Time is money.

Come with me.

Come on, show me what you got.

There's an idea.

The Godfather says goodbye.

Can I help you girls

Mr. Ravioli?

Uh, no, he's inside.

I'm Manny,

the Talent Manager.

What's your act?

We're a new team.

Together?

Yeah.

Well that I would like to see.

We're excited about producing

your erections.

[whispers] Good one.

Are you gonna watch us, too?

It's tempting.

Tempting,

but, uh, Louie prefers to do his

business one on one,

but I'm sure he wouldn't object to

a two on one, if you know what I mean.

Ha.

Hi, Mr. Ravioli. I'm Dee and this

is my partner Dawn.

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