Blonde and Blonder Page #3

We're here to audition

for your show.

No, no! Don't say a word.

Don't say anything.

Just relax, sit there, have

a drink, smoke your cigar,

and enjoy the show.

Ready Freddie?

You're gonna like this.

You're gonna like this.

I think he's interested.

I'm really good at reading people.

Definitely.

You ready, Dee?

Yeah.

Six, seven, eight,

(both) One, two, three, four.

Six, seven, eight.

Sorry.

Starfish!

(both) Starfish!

Starfish!

Big finish!

Oh, big finish.

Big finish.

(both) Jazz hands!

Mr. Ravioli.

Oh!

You killed him!

I killed him?

You threw a stick at him.

Now he's never gonna give us a job.

Oh my God,

you're right.

Oh, no.

I know we didn't kill'

em. Maybe he's,

maybe he had a heart attack from

watching our crazy moves. It happens.

Give him the hammock remover.

The hammock remover?

Oh!

Um, okay.

Oh, oh! His piece of hair!

Oh my God. oh!

Someone's here.

Hey.

[chuckles] I'll come back later.

Wow, some guys get to

have all the fun.

What are we gonna do?

Just leave him alone there.

[whispers] Let's leave discreetly.

Oh my God!

Oh!

He's on fire!

Oh my God!

Oh!

Oh, no! What have you done?

Oh God!

Hurry up!

Move it!

Oh my God.

Them?

No.

The Cat works alone. Besides,

those outfits are way too flashy.

A good assassin keeps a very low

profile, Leo.

You'd better remember that.

Help! Help! Somebody! Anybody!

There's been a murder!

Murder! Help!

Murder! Help!

Oh, crap!

Then again.

Come here! There's been a murder!

Come on in! Come here!

Somebody help me!

My boss has been murdered!

Louie's been murdered.

I thought you said it

wasn't them.

That's just what she wants

you to think,

expecting to work alone, she brings

somebody along.

instead of blending in,

she stands out.

(driver) She's brilliant!

The Godfather's gonna want this Cat,

or kitties, if you will, to take

out Mr. Wong for sure.

(Manny) I warned him, but

he wouldn't listen.

I should've guessed they'd use The Cat.

So you think this was the

work of The Cat?

Oh yeah,

without a doubt.

They were professionals.

They even invited me in

to watch them do it.

Oh my God, I could've

been killed, too.

Now wait,

you said "they"?

Yeah, there were two of them.

And we got them on the

surveillance tape.

Good. Good.

She's become brazen

and taken on a partner.

[both gasp] Oh! Oh!

All things considered,

I think the audition went really well.

It did.

Didn't it?

It did.

Well, what are we gonna do?

Oh!

Okay, we leave town.

Let's get out of here.

Pack whatever you can,

let's get out of here.

No, we're innocent.

Let's go on a vacation.

We're going to die.

Someone's at the door.

[screams] Oh! Okay.

Oh my God!

Grab something hard.

We're not home right now.

Leave a message after the beep.

Here's the beep."Beep."

Good one.

Hello. Yeah. Oh my God.

It's Warren,

What?

You know how they

killed Louie?

They burned his friggen

head off.

What?

They burned his friggen

head off!

Holy sh*t.

Hello,

we're friends, ladies, uh, we're

here to offer you a job.

Oh, job. I could really use a job.

So could I.

May we come in?

Sure.

So we were thinking, oh.

We work for Mr. Capella, uh,

there's no need for violence.

Oh!

I'll be the judge of that.

Are you guys agents?

No, no, no,

uh, we work for Mr. Capella,

I swear to God.

I think I've actually

heard of him.

He runs a big firm, right?

Yeah, that's it.

A big firm, probably one of the biggest.

So the rumors are true, you've

taken on a new partner?

Wow, you know,

word travels fast.

I just booked you in today.

I know.

We won't waste any of your time. Let's get

right to our point of view.

We're listening.

There's a guy. He lives in Niagara Falls.

His name is Hang Wong.

We want you to take him out.

Take him out?

I don't even know 'em.

We're willing to pay big bucks.

Say a quarter of a million dollars?

Wait a second.

You're want me to take this guy

out for $25,000?

Just take him out?

Wow. Is that more?

I think so.

Half now and half when

you're finished.

Why me?

Why you?

[chuckles] 'Cause you're the best, you know?

For that kind of money I'll take him out,

take him in or all out.

I know you guys are great,

but it's not that easy

this guy's well protected.

Ah, doting mom. Don't worry,

I know the type.

Well, don't worry. I've taken out

tons and tons of guys. Lots of guys.

I've taken out doctors,

lawyers, actors,

musicians,

and don't even get me started with the

high school boys.

Oh, woo wee!

High school? You were taking out

people in high school?

Oh yeah, only the ones I liked.

Wait, have you ever done any girls?

Once. I just wanted to see

what it felt like.

Me, too.

Really?

Wait, we don't have to do this do we?

Listen, I don't care what you do

to the guy just get the job done, okay?

Well, when is he expecting us?

He's not. But the sooner

the better, okay?

I think it fits into our schedule.

Okay, we'll do it.

Okay, deal. Alright,

here's the, uh,

show of good faith.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Pleasure doing business with you.

It's American.

Woo! Woo!

We're going to Niagara Falls!

Woo!

How'd it go?

Piece of cake.

Couldn't bring yourself to turn

down one last slice, huh?

What are you talking about?

Oh, come on. It's all over the street.

You agreed to take out Mr. Wong

in Niagara Falls.

You told me I'd get the next one.

Wait,

someone hired The Cat

to hit Mr. Wong? Who?

Like you don't know.

The Godfather, for a quarter of a million.

Well, well, well,

someone finally decided to step

on my paws.

Fatal mistake.

Are you saying someone

is pretending to be you?

Someone's about to get scratched. Badly.

I'm coming with you.

Tell you what,

kitten, this time,

you get to do the honors.

I'm in.

Meow.

Have you seen these two women?

Yeah, I remember 'em.

Two dumb blondes,

they came in early this morning.

Amazing.

Their cover's flawless.

Yeah, they bought a red Minicooper from

the lot. Paid cash.

Of course,

no credit card, no paper trail.

Continue.

That's it. They left their car,

said they'd pick it up,

when they returned from

Niagara Falls,

said they were gonna take out a Mr. Wong

or something.

You'll never see them again.

Hey, can I keep their car?

No, I'm sorry,

it's evidence.

They'll probably use it to run over

innocent babies.

Can I get out of the rain now?

Oh, please.

Okay.

Simply brilliant.

They knew we'd have the train station

and airport staked out.

But, we didn't.

Well, we should have.

Smart Mr. Wong.

Looks like they're celebrating another

notch in their kill pole, Campbell.

Run up all available agents.

We're goin to Niagara Falls.

Boss, we need to talk.

So talk.

Uh,

We did like you said. We delivered

the money to The Cat.

And?

She's not working alone anymore, boss,

She's hired on another assassin.

They torched Guido at The

Beaver Patch pretty bad.

Burned his whole head off.

They're bad to the bone, boss.

Yeah, he's right,

if we didn't stand our ground when

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes