Blood Diner Page #2

you numskull!

That's a better view

for you, Uncle.

Hmm...

slim pickings.

What an idiot.

Hey, Georgie!

Georgie, quit goofing off,

and get to work, will you?

Sheetar, help us.

Sorry, Mikey.

Excuse me.

That's the best

frigging veggie burger

I've had

in a son of a b*tch long time.

Yes, sir,

damn good veggie burger.

- Here you go.

- If I didn't know better,

I'd swear there was

some meat in it.

I'm an expert on veggie burgers.

I've eaten them

all across America.

I've eaten in some

of those health-food hangouts

where the soup

ain't fit to piss in.

You're Michael Tutman,

- ain't you?

- Yeah.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Tutman.

My name's Horatio Titus,

but my friends

call me Vitamin, see?

Get it? Vitamin C.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. C.

Hell, you can call me Vitamin.

Was everything okay?

I noticed you hardly

touched your food.

It was really good.

I'm just upset, that's all.

Let me let you in

on a little secret

about those

so-called friends of yours.

A couple of years ago,

they used to all come in here

dressed up like "Flashdance",

and they looked really stupid.

Can I put you

on our mailing list?

We're planning

a special feast for...

Hey, will you

turn that thing down?

Special people.

It's going to be

a Lumerian feast.

I never heard of that.

That's because

there hasn't been one

since 5 million years B.C.

Buddy, why don't you

turn that thing down?

How can you

stand that homo sport?

That hurts.

- Connie.

- Ooh. Oh, Mommy.

What a lovely name.

Do come see us again, Connie.

Thank you. I will.

Bye.

Mm, I bet she's a virgin.

Come on, girls!

And up! Out!

Yeah, come on, girls!

Out! Yeah, come on! Let's go!

All right!

Up, out! Yeah, come on!

Can you believe Connie could

pass up a chance like this?

'Cause her dad's a cop.

That's 'cause her dad's a jerk!

All right, girls!

Listen up!

I've gotta some more tape,

but remember, this is going

on cable coast to coast.

Not enough to be the only nude

aerobicizing cheerleaders here.

We've gotta be the best

nude aerobicizing cheerleaders!

Tony, take over.

Come on, girls! And...

up, out! Yeah, come on!

Let's go!

Ohh!

At least eight tongues

must be set aside

for proper aging.

Discard the vocal cords

and any surrounding tissue,

or use them

for tomorrow's veggie patties.

Am I doing this right,

- Uncle Anwar?

- That's right!

Remove only one unblemished limb

from each of the tramps.

The body of Sheetar

must be a composite,

as she is a goddess

of many facets,

but it must be fair

and appealing to the eye,

especially the head.

To choose the wrong one

would be a desecration.

My name is Sheetar.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay, take this one on down.

Eww.

Charlie, take a look

at this over here.

Hold it.

Right.

Ah, come on over here,

give me a hand here.

Uh, we get more bags down there?

Uh, call someone down.

Get some bags.

Ohh. Jesus, Mary, Joseph.

God damn that son of a...

For God's sake, be careful, man!

Sorry, Chief.

Shh... Uhh! God.

Well, what do you

make of it, Mark?

Looks like someone had

a do-it-yourself

lunch-meat party.

- Ohh!

- Chief's getting tough.

Sorry, Mark.

Perhaps I went too far.

But I will not tolerate

any disrespect

for human life on my force!

That's okay, Chief.

A good detective,

no matter how hard he becomes,

can't lose his sense of decency.

I'm glad you feel that way.

Now, before we haul this goulash

off to forensics,

what do you make of it?

Could be the work

of the same killer.

More likely two, judging from

the disproportionate bite marks

on this forearm.

Mark Shepard, meet

Sheba Jackson, your new partner.

Bite marks. Cannibals?

You know, there's a biker group

called the Cannibals,

but they... they've never

gone to this extreme.

Besides, they're supposed

to be vegetarians,

and what

self-respecting vegetarian

would be a party

to such a gruesome display

of monstrously inhuman

degenerate behavior?

This is disgusting.

Arms sawed off. Organs removed.

Head severed from its body.

Nine perfectly healthy tongues

ripped from

their young, live throats.

[ Gags 1.

With your permission,

Chief Miller,

I would like to go down

to the coroner's now

so we can get a head start

on any clues from the autopsy.

Good thinking, Jackson.

You two go over there.

See what you come up with.

I'll try to round up enough guts

to call their parents.

Now get moving, both of you!

Right, Chief.

I love you, honey

Let me give you money

I love you, honey,

let me give you money

I love you, honey,

let me give you money...

Thank you, Miss... Sanders.

We'll be getting to you

very soon.

Thanks. I'm sure.

I love you, baby

Oh, yes, I do

I love you, baby

I love you true

I love you, baby

Through and through

I love you, baby

And I don't know

what to do, whoo...

George!

Quit screwing around, would ya?

We got two specials.

All right. Coming up.

I love you, honey

Ah, um, ah, um

Ah, loop de loop de loop

Ah, loop de loop de loop...

This is

even better than the last time.

Hey, I'm glad

you like it, Vitamin.

Thanks for

all the business, too.

I'm determined

to make you boys famous.

Good health food's hard to find

in this dung heap of a city.

By the way...

what is the special ingredient

in the Tuesday surprise?

Well, if I told you that,

it wouldn't be a surprise

anymore, would it?

Okay.

...long ago

Stuck in his fly!

Ah, pretty baby

I sense your need

Ah, pretty baby...

Hey, Georgie. George.

Cover for me, will you?

Okey-doke, Mikey.

And now

a challenge to the public

from one little Jimmy Hitler.

Mr. Hitler...

I have a message

to tell this land!

Any of you knot-head scum-heads

who think that you're

man enough to mess with me,

Little Jimmy Hitler,

then meet me here

this Thursday night,

and I'll be ready

to wipe the mat

with any of you gut-smelling

butt-wipers audacious enough

to try the true strength

of professional wresting!

That's this Thursday night

here, baby! Be here!

You better believe

I'll be there!

I'll wipe the mat with your ass,

you Nazi scum!

I wrestle! I'll show him good!

Can you wrestle

as good as you cook?

Eat this, fat-ass.

' - [gagging 1

Connie, what's wrong?

Michael, you don't understand.

I knew those girls.

If I'd... If I'd done

that tape, I'd be dead, too.

Listen to me.

If anybody ever so much

as looks at you cross-eyed,

I want you to come and tell me.

They won't have a head left

to think about doing it twice.

Thank you, Michael.

It's nice to know.

One has a guardian angel

to count on.

Look, I want to give you

something for good luck.

It's a sacred amulet.

It's very old,

and it's very powerful.

It represents

the ancient goddess Sheetar.

From now on, you belong to her.

Two guardian angels in one day.

I guess I have nothing

to worry about after all.

Wait till I tell my father.

No! Don't... Don't tell anybody.

This is just between

you and me and Sheetar.

Here. On the house.

Goddamn right, on the house.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes