Blood Diner Page #3

Synopsis: Two cannibals/health food diner owners are on a wacky quest to restore life to the five million year old goddess Shitaar. Aided by their uncle's brain and penis, the two set about getting the required parts - virgins, assorted body parts from whores, and the ingredients for a "blood buffet". Their adversaries are the police: the chief with a Russian accent, the "player" detective, and the new Yorker with an Australian accent.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Jackie Kong
Production: Lightning Pictures
 
IMDB:
5.2
Rotten Tomatoes:
50%
UNRATED
Year:
1987
88 min
191 Views


Now I gotta start

all over again.

Damn shame about those girls

getting butchered up like that.

What beats the hell out of me is

what do those meat creeps want

with those body parts anyway?

Ah, loop de loop de loop

Ah, loop de loop de loop,

ah...

Vegetarians?

You mean all the victims

are vegetarians?

According to the autopsy.

The coroner found

undigested bits

of soybeans, carrots, celery

in all cases,

except for one girl

who had something

that might be cat meat.

Cat meat? Jeez,

how weird can this thing get?

We got a make

on that machine gun.

It's the same one

reported stolen

from the Gangsters Museum

on Third.

Good work, Shepard. And I

want you two to make rounds

of all the health-food

places in town.

See if any weird characters

have been hanging out,

particularly that biker group,

the Cannibals.

You know, Chief,

maybe it's not them at all.

Maybe some hamburger

franchise owner went berserk.

You know,

health food's pretty popular.

- So suppose with the combined...

- Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Are you trying

to tell me that some nut

from McBurger's is respon...

That's okay, Chief.

Come on, Sheba. Let's go.

See you later.

Murderers from McBurger's! Jeez!

Here's a list

of all the health-food eateries

between here and Sixth.

I'll check some out

on the north side.

Then I thought that you and I

could meet at Mr. Veggie's

at midnight for a bite.

Fool!

Oh, yeah. Check that out.

- Whoo!

- Nice!

You boys will learn

from my mistakes.

Ah, a little more wisdom, Uncle?

Don't make

the same mistake I made.

I let my schlong

do the thinking for me

and got confused!

Georgie. Georgie,

would you stop screwing around?

That's right!

Aren't you d*ckheads done yet?

Almost, Uncle Anwar.

What the f*** was that?!

Imbecile! I can't see!

It's a photo we found of you

from the good old days.

Ah, yes, The good old days.

People had ambition then.

I, most of all,

took pride in life's goals.

Everything I did

was done with care.

I truly enjoyed

my appointed destiny,

no matter

how difficult the test...

I kept at it,

again...

And again

and again.

Like cleanliness,

I was in a state

next to godliness,

as you, my nephews,

are becoming in your devotion.

Sheetar's body is complete,

but it is just the beginning.

You must now

gather the ingredients

necessary for the blood buffet

that will bring her to life.

Stop it.

Georgie, you f***ing moron,

listen to your brother!

Stop messing around

with Sheetar.

Now listen.

The first ingredients we need

are two stomachs

from a couple of tramps.

And, Michael, keep your idiot

brother out of those gay bars.

Do you want to come

with us, Uncle Anwar?

No. You boys go,

but don't make

the same error I made

by ravishing the virgin

before the sacrifice.

I failed the mission,

and for that disgrace,

lopped my schlong off

on the day

of the glee club massacre.

Good night, Uncle.

Just don't forget!

Two stomachs

from two immoral girls!

Sheetar, your body looks good.

What a set of knockers.

If I only had my schlong back,

you would know

the meaning of machismo.

Oh, I don't know.

You guys come here twice a week

with this fake l.D.

You'll never get in here.

Hey, get out of here.

Gentlemen,

do you have any l.D.s?

Yeah, we're on the guest list.

Sorry. No l.D.s, no admittance.

Hey, have a good time

inside, guys.

Hey, Jason. You okay?

[song playing 1.

Shake, shake, shake

Shake it out - Uh-huh

Shake, shake, shake

- Shake it out

- Oh, yeah

Shake, shake, shake

Shake it out - Mm-hmm

Shake, shake, shake

- Shake it out

- I said please

- Shake it out

- Shake it out

Baby, you know

what it's all about

'Cause if your man's

not here

Then you're gonna

have to do without

- Shake, shake...

- Uh-huh

- Shake it out

- Hey, hey

- Shake, shake, shake

- Mm-hmm

I said shout and hoochie-coo

Shout, rama-lama,

if you're through

'Cause if you do me

like you do

Then I'm gonna have

to see it through

Shake, shake - Uh-huh

- Shake it out

- Yeah hah

Shake, shake - Mm-hmm

- Shake it out

- I said spit

- Spit it out

- Spit it out

Baby, don't you

jump and shout

'Cause if the cat's

got your tongue

Then the tiger's

gonna pull it out

Shake, shake - Uh-huh

- Shake it out

- Yeah hah

Shake, shake - Uh-huh

Shake it out

Shake it out

The girl. The girl!

Be cool.

Just like this.

Shake it out

Be cool.

- I said shout...

- That one.

- And hoochie-coo...

- MICHAEL:
No.

She's not trashy enough.

Keep looking.

Then I'm gonna have

to see it through...

Over there!

Yeah. Those two are perfect.

I said, girl, shout it out

Shout it out - Come on

Shout, shout it out, come on

I said shout and hoochie-coo

- Shake it out

- I said shake

- Shake it out...

- Hey. Buy us a drink?

Yeah, sure.

I said spit, spit it out...

Hey, how come we haven't seen

you two before?

You two from around here?

We're from around here.

It's just that our restaurant

keeps us pretty busy.

Ah. We thought

you were in a band.

Yeah, we are.

Uh, It's just that our cafe's

keeping us busy

until our LP comes out.

Oh, yeah? What's it called?

"Blood Hunger"

by the Sons of Sheetar.

Sheetar! Sheetar!

Hey, listen. This dive's

really a crashing bore.

What do you say

you come back to our place

for a little Lumerian feast?

- Is that something special?

- Special?

There hasn't been one served

since 5 million years B.C.

'Cause if you do me

like you do

Then I'm gonna have

to see it through

- Shake, shake, shake

- Uh-huh

- Shake it out

- Yeah hah

- Shake, shake, shake

- Uh-huh

- Shake it out

- I said shout

Shout it out, Come on!

Shout, shout it out

I'm impressed.

You caught the enema bag rapist?

How 'bout a date?

Sure, sweetie.

Find anything?

Not a clue.

So what is this,

a dragnet or something?

We're looking

for a couple of psychos

that like to pick

on vegetarians.

Any of your customers

fit that description?

Customers?

You need glasses, officer?

I'd be glad to serve

Jack the Ripper himself

as long as he paid the check.

Hey, what about me?

Ah, you get handicapped rates,

you little fart.

You don't count.

Well, if you see

anything suspicious...

Mister, unless all the goddamn

cockroaches in Los Angeles

start eating at that place

around the corner,

I don't think

I'll be seeing anything

but the mortgage

going up in smoke.

Tutman Cafe?

I checked it out. It's closed.

The place

is packed all the time.

It's their seasoning.

It makes everything

taste real good,

and they keep it

a real tight secret.

Why, you pint-sized

Benedict Arnold!

Thanks, Stan.

Do you think

they get any bikers there?

If you mean the Cannibals,

I don't think so.

They run their own co-op now

and do their own cooking.

They should cook up

the Tutman boys.

They look like

a couple of vegetables.

Well, keep your eyes peeled,

and give us a call

if anybody

or anything weird pops up.

He'll probably serve it first.

Come on, Jackson. I got an idea.

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Michael Sonye

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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