Blue in the Face Page #3

- All right. Be good.

- Yeah.

- What are you doin', gorgeous?

- How are you?

Nice to see you, baby.

So, you and I go

dancey-dancey, okay?

- Saturday night.

- Saturday night?

Yeah.

Not this Saturday night.

You mean the Saturday night after.

Bullshit, Auggie. Bullshit!

- Oh! What are you doin'?

- What are you doing to me?

Don't do that.

He's gotta sweep the floor.

Auggie, you say Saturday night. Don't bullshit

me. What kind of number you tryin' to pull?

You say the sixteenth.

We say the sixteenth, okay?

I planned the whole night.

Jesus! Is there something in the air?

What's the matter with you?

Dotty's upset.

You're upset. About what?

- What's in your ear?

- That's my music.

Listen, sweetheart.

Saturday night, um...

Saturday night

I promised Tommy...

I'd clean out

his brother's apartment with him.

His brother, um,

his brother Chuck.

We were... in the Navy

together, and he died.

- You understand?

- I don't know what you're talking about, okay?

Chuck. Chuck.

Who the f*** is Chuck?

No, who the f*** was Chuck?

Chuck is dead.

Chuck's the guy

I was in the Navy with and he died.

You... are two-timing me,

ain't you, baby? Come here.

- Two-timing you?

- Come here. Yes.

- You're too beautiful to two-time.

- Who is it? Dot? Sally?

Oh, I know. I know.

It's the little waitress

with the fat culo, isn't it?

You give me more credit

than I deserve, doll.

No, no. I would never two-time you.

What's the matter with you?

I love you. Come on, stop. Stop.

You lied to me, Augusto.

And people who lie...

don't deserve no love.

You mess with Violeta.

And Violeta fight back.

I rip your guts out, Auggie...

like a tiger.

Like a f***ing tiger...

with teeth...

as sharp as the razor blades.

Don't f*** with me.

L- Is a Brooklyn girl

a good fighter?

Of course. 'Cause we don't

scratch and pull hair.

We fight like guys, fist to fist.

You know what I'm sayin'?

And if we can't beat

the other girl, we'll use...

a garbage can or a bottle

or anything.

Do I have a boyfriend?

Yeah.

He's a roughneck, though.

But he's not like me. He don't like

lookin' at stuff and chillin' out.

He wanna go smoke weed

and drink forties all day and...

That's all he does. I mean, I think

he smokes a pound of weed a day.

He's my boyfriend, but I'm gonna change him

because he got too much Brooklyn in him.

Pack of Luckys?

You know what? No.

I'll tell you what.

I've got one cigarette left...

and I decided I was

gonna come here, I'm gonna quit.

But I wanted

to smoke this with you.

So I thought, you know,

"Last cigarette, smoke it with Auggie."

- In fact... Hey, Jimmy.

- You're kidding me? I'm touched.

Would you take a picture of me

and Auggie with my last cigarette?

- You just push this.

- Yeah.

- This is it, man.

- All right.

- Where do you want me to stand?

- I don't know.

- Think you could come over here?

- All right.

- Yeah. You just push this.

- This one?

No, this one.

- All right?

- Yeah.

- Bob, you know...

- The last cigarette... with Auggie.

I'm touched you would want

to smoke your last cigarette with me.

Twelve years I come in here. Luckys.

Wait, Jimmy. Your finger's in front.

All right.

- All right. Thanks, man.

- Good. You got it, Jimmy.

Good. Okay. You got it.

Thanks. So this is it.

One more cigarette.

I remember

my first cigarette, man.

These friends of mine, they stole cigarettes

from this store, Beeler's Pharmacy.

I still remember. It was like a suburb

of Akron, Ohio where I grew up.

So we walked home along

the railroad tracks. Opened the pack.

I still remember.

It was like a pack of Newports.

We smelled 'em first. You know,

that menthol. It smelled like candy.

Then we lit 'em up.

We started inhaling, coughing.

- A couple minutes later,

we're sick, nauseous, dizzy.

- But we felt so cool. You know?

- Yeah.

Real bad-ass

ten-year-old kids smokin'.

But sex and cigarettes, man,

you gotta admit.

- That's one thing I'm really gonna miss, having a cigarette.

- Sex?

- Well...

- You giving up sex also because you can't smoke afterwards?

Maybe, you know, if...

l- I've never had a girlfriend who didn't smoke.

Maybe that means if I quit,

I'll never have sex again. I don't know.

But having a cigarette

after sex, that's like...

A cigarette never tasted like that, you know?

Share a cigarette with your lover.

- That's bliss.

- That I'm gonna miss.

Also with coffee.

Coffee and cigarettes, you know?

That's like

breakfast of champions.

- Hey, my man. Hey.

- What's happenin'?

Want some coffee?

Don't get lint

on your outfit.

Lint? No, I hate lint.

Lint ain't no good for me.

- Let me ask you somethin'.

- What do you want to ask me?

I got a job interview

at 209-1/2...

See, man. Is there any nurses

livin' in the neighborhood?

Nurses? There's a hospital

five blocks up on the left-hand side.

I just came out

of the hospital.

You need to go back

to the hospital, get that redressed.

- No. It just got dressed.

- It don't look like it just got dressed.

- What day is this?

- Today? It's Wednesday.

- Wednesday.

- What are you lookin' for?

- I'm lookin' for 209-1/2...

- This is 211. 209's across the street.

- Half is in between. Right in that crack.

- You're wrong.

This is 209. 209 ain't across the street.

208 is across the street.

209's here, 211 's here. So 209-1/2

is in between these two buildings.

I don't need no information from you.

You don't know nothin'.

This is Brooklyn. You don't go by

numbers. What are you lookin' for?

I'm lookin' for $4.95

to get a Belgian waffle.

Ah! You're lookin'

for $4.95.

- Is that a work of art or what?

- That's beautiful.

They don't make those anymore.

Obsolete.

You can't get that.

You better go home to mama and get that.

It looks pretty good actually.

Brooklyn has everything.

It has little, little, uh, rivers runnin'

through it. People don't know it.

It has waterfalls in it,

and they don't know where it's at.

And, uh, it's just fantastic.

It's a big, beautiful borough.

It has everything.

Flatlands, highlands,

lowlands, wooded land.

And even swamps.

When you look at the other boroughs

and compare them all...

Brooklyn is larger and is the hippest

of all of the boroughs.

I'll meet you there, then.

Check it out. I got the clocks,

the watches. I don't deal in Swatches.

Seiko, Casio, Timex, Rolex.

What do you need when you have sex?

The latex. Don't forget. How you doin', man?

- I got it all.

- I'll take the whole batch.

- You like my sales pitch?

- Not bad, man.

- What you sellin', my man?

- I got a good deal for you today.

- For you, Mr. Brooklyn Cigar Company...

- What've you got?

- I got $20 and $25 prices.

- Twenty and $25?

I've got the African price, I've got

the European price. Which one you want?

- African price or European price. Show me something nice.

- What does that mean?

Take a look. I'll get to

what that means in a minute.

I'm dealing

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