Blue in the Face Page #9

Now, you're gonna tell me he's black!

He's Italian. You're French and he's black.

What's up, brother?

How you doin', black man?

You got a great rap,

but you gotta follow this stuff up.

What's you talkin', follow it up?

Look at the suit, baby!

No, no, the suit.

All right, the clothes make the man.

But, you know, you gotta decide

what you wanna do with your life.

You're gonna go out here, get another...

Next week, he's gonna come back...

he's gonna be selling

used cars outside.

- Next week I'm gonna have a record deal.

- You could have a record deal...

- but you gotta go for it, you know what I mean?

- Like this cigar?

- I like the cigar.

- I took up smoking.

There's numerous possibilities for you.

Right? You never know what life's about.

That's your problem. I don't think

you're really realistic, black man.

- I'm realistic.

- See, last time I was in here, you really pissed me off.

Hanging around

these white people.

- Now you got Julio here acting like he's Francois! Please!

- Francois?

A buddy of mine...

We were ten years old. All right?

We all dared this guy to go in

and rip off this chicken joint.

It was owned by this German guy. And we

thought this German guy, he's a real square.

He's a white guy.

He lived in Harlem, right?

So we dared the kid to go in.

The kid, he had balls, right?

He goes in, but the guy

already locked up the night's receipts.

But he had a little cash

in his pocket.

So the guy, he goes in, he hits the guy

over the head with a bottle.

He gets his little cash out of the guy's

pocket, leaves him on the floor for dead.

The guy lives, of course. Kid's ten

years old. Goes home, all right?

His mother says, "Where'd

you get this money?"

She goes in his room next morning

to wake him up, the money's on the bureau.

"Where'd you get this money?" He's not

gonna tell her where he got the money, okay?

She finds out the guy on the corner

was robbed. She puts it together.

She takes the kid, drags him

by his collar back into the store.

The guy is there. His head's bandaged.

He's doing his day's business.

She says,

"Did my son rob you?"

The guy looks at the kid.

"Yeah, I think it was him.

But it's okay, he's ten

years old, he's young. I don't care."

She says, "Well, he's yours.

What do you want to do with him?

"You want to send him to jail?

What do you want to do with him?

You want him to work for you?

What, what do you want?"

So he gives the kid a job. The kid sweeps

up the store like Jimmy, every day.

Then eventually he's washing dishes.

Then eventually he's like cleaning tables.

I run into this guy,

all right, ten years later.

I looked at him, I said,

"What are you doin' with yourself?"

He says, "You know the chicken joint?"

I said, "The chicken joint?

That was when you were ten years old!"

He says, "I own the place."

The German guy died,

left him the place...

and the guy is making money

hand over fist. So you never know, right?

That's your problem. I'm a black man,

and I got to sell fried chicken.

That's your problem, man.

I got to be selling chicken.

- That ain't got nothing to do with my...

- That's not the point.

- I'm trying to make it...

- The point is...

out of something really horrible,

something really great happened.

- You got some watermelon too?

- Come on. That's not the point.

- Okay, that was okay. That was...

- That could happen.

Relax, I'm jokin'!

I got you. That's good. Thank you.

- Hey.

- Black people got to stick together, black man.

- I got a watch.

- Hey, I got one. Check it out.

Hey, what do you think about the suit?

Hey, hey, hey. Te gusta?

- Yeah, it's good.

- All right, baby.

Where's that $10 I gave you last time

I saw you? Remember the $10?

- You got a short memory. Remember the $10 I gave you?

- Yeah.

- Whenever you can, you give it back to me, all right?

- Okay. Thanks a lot though.

- He's got a heart.

- I bought some fried chicken with it.

I got some good news,

I got some bad news.

The good news is that you're all here.

The bad news is I'm gonna sing.

Well I was gonna join the army

when you turned me down

But I was rejected

so I headed for the river to drown

Well, I've reconsidered

decided life shouldn't end

'Cause girls like you

are a dime a dozen

And I got a nickel to spend

- Everybody.

- Girls like you are a dime a dozen

And I got a nickel to spend

Hey, don't you feel no pity

I'm a-living in paradise

They say life's a piece of cake,

hell I'm gonna get me a slice

Well, I see fine chicks all around me

Yeah, I'm getting the urge

'Cause girls like you

are a dime a dozen

- And I got a nickel to splurge

- Ya-hoo!

Yeah, girls like you

are a dime a dozen

And I got a nickel to splurge

Yeah, girls like you

are a dime a dozen

- And I got a nickel to splurge

- Brooklyn style now.

Yeah, girls like you

are a dime a dozen

And I got a nickel to splurge

- Why are you... Why are you still smoking?

- I'm not inhaling.

- What does it do?

- Stand back, a**hole.

You know, in case you get stuck up

or something, you just pull the fish out.

That's not food.

That's sugar and... and sh*t.

You know what that causes?

Diabetes.

- Not to me, man.

- Oh, yeah?

No, 'cause I got

sugar blockers.

Why can't we be friends

I'm sittin' out here

readin' the paper...

To most people it looks like

I'm not doin' a goddamn thing.

Havin' some coffee, right?

Smokin' a cigar. Hangin' out with Auggie.

But... they look at me.

They tip their hat.

"Good morning. How you doin'?"

They look at you. What do they see?

They think you're a mugger.

Well, early in the mornin'

Or even when it's late

I call my baby on the phone

up in the 718

And I think about the way

that she does love me

And I wish that

she weren't so hot

I talk on the phone a lot

so people can't see that I'm black.

But I really believe that...

I'm Sicilian.

- No, no, it's good.

- It's good. You like it? Do you believe me?

- I totally got it.

- I can't get my shoulders out of my frickin' ass here.

Put them all together

we got the same attitude

Very necessary being rude

That's the Brooklyn mood

It's the place where

it's hard to shed a tear

People are filled with little care,

any sympathy you won't find it here

That's the same problem we had. 'Cause I'm

a black man you don't think I can be Italian!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Wish I knew how to say

I had a friend.

Man, he loved cigarettes so much...

he used to like set his alarm clock

for the middle of the night.

Like he'd go to sleep. He'd set it for four

hours later, wake up, have a cigarette.

Butt me.

Last pack. Get your

filthy hands off'em!

When I was a young man

No bigger than this

A chocolate egg cream

was not to be missed

Some U Bet's chocolate syrup

seltzer water mix it with milk

You stir it up into a heady froth

Tasty just like silk

You scream, I steam

We all want egg cream

You scream, I steam

We all want egg cream

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