Boat Trip Page #2

- Yes! Right, Jerry?

- Yeah!

Alrighty!

And all filled with hot,

beautiful women!

- Yes!

- Awesome, awesome, awesome!

Think of the sexiest creatures

boarding this love boat as we speak!

- Alright, this is great!

- Yeah, you know!

- Hello!

- Hey! What's up, guys?

How you doin'?

Alright!

- Lovely boat, huh?

- Oh, yeah.

Don't you ever doubt me.

What the hell was that?

Well, on board entertainment.

You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil

is here. Like Vegas.

- Cool.

- Right?

Hey, how are ya?

There it is. Stateroom 211.

The number that 'll be on every

woman's lips by the end of the trip.

Let's do it.

That's weird.

Only one bed.

I know why.

We're going to have so much sex one

guy's always going to sleep out.

Yeah, right.

You better hope that couch

is more comfortable than it looks.

There's a mirror on the ceiling.

Excelente.

That way the babes can watch me

get my peak on.

Check this out, Jer.

- Four racquetball courts.

- Hey!

- Nine cocktail lounges, a casino.

- Six and eight's a running mate!

A video arcade...

Onboard chest waxing salon...

- Chest waxing?

- Yes, of course, for swimming.

Let me see that.

Club Socrates wants you to know

you'll be treated like a queen.

- You mean king?

- Queen. It says so right there.

That's weird.

Hello?

Ring, ring, ring.

Everybody conga.

Conga, conga, conga, everybody party

Party, party, party

Five o'clock today

Yeah, baby! I told you, Jer.

This boat is wild!

- Where's the party, sweet thing?

- Stateroom 209. Stateroom 209.

It's casual.

To fresh scratches on our backs.

- Scotch and soda, please.

- Coming right up, sir.

Oh, please.

Why do they always

have to play Liza?

I don't know.

I kinda like "Liza With a Z".

Yeah, it's kind of cool

for making out.

I prefer Johnny Mathis, myself.

Yeah, if you're gonna

make out with a dude.

That is very funny.

My name is Faversham.

Lloyd Faversham.

- Nick Ragoni.

- Nick.

- Jerry.

- Jerry.

- Is this your first cruise?

- No, my third.

- And you?

- Numero uno.

Then you are going to positively

adore it. It is one wild...

...decadent week.

- That's why we're here, right?

- All night parties.

- Excellent.

- Midnight skinny dipping.

- Sign me up!

And if you're into it,

lots of sex, sex... sex.

You hear that, Jer?

All the sex a man could want.

Well, then you must visit

the hole in one room.

Oh? They have an on board

driving range?

Some of the chaps down there

do swing some very large clubs.

You two have an open relationship?

Open? What do you mean

by "open relationship"?

- I mean do you date?

- Of course we date.

- That's why we're here.

- Yeah.

That's absolutely wonderful.

We must get together sometime.

Go for a midnight swim.

Do whatever feels right.

That is what a gay cruise

is all about.

I see.

Hear that, Jerry?

We can do whatever we want.

Whatever feels right.

That's what a gay cruise

is all about.

Whatever we want to do,

we can do it...

because it's a gay cruise.

It's a gay cruise, Jerry,

not a bi-cruise. It's a gay cruise!

Capital G, capital A,

capital YMCA gay cruise, Jerry!

Damn, damn, damn!

I wonder how many other people

made the same mistake I did.

No one! Sh*t! Jerry!

Don't worry, buddy!

I'm bringing you back home! I'm gonna

get you out of here! Let's go!

Help! Help! Somebody help us!

We're straight! We're straight.

Hey, Nick! Stop acting like a jerk!

We'll figure this out!

What are we gonna do, Jerry?

We gotta get off this boat!

Excuse me sir, do you know

where we can get off real quick?

- Try the hole in one room.

- I'm starting to think that 's...

not a real driving range, Jer.

In fact, I'm convinced of it.

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

We're trapped like rats!

What?

I checked our itinerary.

We don't dock for four days.

Why do I ever listen to you?

Are you implying

that this is somehow my fault?

I'm not implying it.

I'm saying it.

If you hadn't insulted the travel agent,

none of this would've happened.

- Maybe there's another explanation.

- Yeah? What?

Maybe that travel agent thought

he was doing you a favor.

Because...

- You know.

- Because what?

Because you're a little fem.

That's why.

You always dress real nice.

You're in shape. You're neat.

And you use those pastel

colored balls at the bowling alley.

Don't think that got past me.

You're an idiot.

A thick-headed moron.

Felicia was right. I should've

dumped your ass years ago!

If you wanted to dump somebody's

ass, it should've been Felicia's.

That chick was Satan's sister, bro.

Yeah! Devil in a d-cup!

Felicia was as frosty a b*tch

as I've ever seen in my life!

I'm gonna kill ya!

Get off.

I know I heard

do the bump-bump time.

Hey you, don't get the wrong idea.

Hector always gets the wrong idea.

That's why he is no longer welcome

in the state of Missouri.

Buddy, you pranced into the wrong

cabin. My friend and I...

we're not gay.

Ring, ring. Hold the phone. What you

tell me? You two guys are not gay?

That's right!

Go on, pull Hector's other leg.

He's got bells on it.

I'm getting out of here.

Gee. What hasn't gotten into him?

Out.

Oh, here he comes

Watch out, boy

He'll chew you up

Oh, here he comes

He's a maneater

Oh, here he comes

Watch out, boy

He'll chew you up

Oh, here he comes

He's a maneater

lwouldn't if lwere you

Bachelor number 2. What's the most

unusual place you ever made love?

Well, once I did it in a dressing

room in International Male.

Right. How about you,

bachelor number 3?

What's the most unusual place

that you ever made love?

Inside a woman.

Oh, no...

Hey! Who do I have to screw

to get a drink around here?

Oops.

Oops.

Hey buddy, you okay?

Do I look gay?

Never saw an old gay

grandpa before.

Where are all the gay people at?

You're all always supposed

to want to party.

Oops. Oops.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine!

Men on dates, holding hands,

touching, kissing.

I can't take it. Then I think

"not delay it."

Took too much shop

in high school.

Help! Pick me up!

Get me out of here!

Drop down a ladder!

I like girls!

Please!

Please, come back!

I don't know anything about a flare

gun. I swear I was here all night.

A flare gun? I don't know anything.

I was here all night.

Flare gun? I don't know nothing

about no stinking flare gun.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Okay.

Here we are.

You should go change now.

Where's your robe?

Okay.

Okay, I give up.

I did it.

Hey, Jer, how was your evening?

Hi. Your friend

had a little too much to drink.

She thinks I'm drunk.

- Nicky, Nicky!

- Alright, alright.

I fell in the pool.

- You're sitting on my balls!

- Okay...

I'm gonna leave you two alone.

- Good night.

- You're getting me all wet.

Jerry!

Wake up, I'm starving!

Come on, Jerry!

Dude, don't make me go up there

by myself. Get up.

Jerry!

Screw it.

What am I afraid of?

How gay can a buffet be?

Is this seat taken?

- Actually...

- I hate dining alone.

- I bet you feel the same way too.

- I'm okay with it, actually.

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