Body Bags Page #2

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Brain tumor.

Severe head cold?

Let's check the drawers.

I call these

my necrophile cabinets.

Seems to be stuck.

Obviously,

these drawers were built

before breast implants

became so popular.

These oughtta be recycled.

That's odd.

Ooh.

Marital spat?

Kiss and make up.

Ahh.

Believe it or not,

this was a human body.

Poor guy fell off a high-rise

onto the top of a car,

which swerved in front

of a train

and was dragged 900 yards

under the engine.

Fascinating what can happen

to the human body

under the right circumstances.

Tonight will be mostly clear

but some low clouds late tonight

through midmorning tomorrow.

Light winds,

lows in the upper 50s.

High tomorrow

in the mid 70s.

And now this--

At the Roswell Hair Growth

Laboratories,

we have perfected

a simple surgical procedure

to restore full hair growth

virtually overnight.

After my Roswell Hair

growth treatment,

I bought the company.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Come on in.

More wine?

Mm, I'd love some.

- Richard?

- Hm?

What did you do to your hair?

Nothing.

Well, I mean,

I combed it a different way.

Sweetheart, are you worried

about your hair thinning?

No, of course not.

I think you look

very distinguished.

You're very handsome.

You don't like it, do you?

I like you.

Eat.

This veal is delicious, you know.

So, you think I'm going bald?

No, I don't.

What's the big deal,

if you are anyway?

Oh, so, now I am going bald?

It really doesn't matter to me.

Are you telling me

that you don't like hair?

Of course, I like hair.

Then how can you stand

looking at me?

I mean, look at this.

Look at that, huh?

Richard,

you're behaving like a baby.

Well, why not?

I got hair like a baby.

Why don't you let me make

an appointment

for you with my hairdresser?

Dennis'll give your hair

a nice shape.

I don't need shape.

I need quantity.

I need volume.

I need more hair.

Now, what about this?

- Huh?

- Forget it!

- No way, no way!

- Wait, wait, wait, hey, hey!

Come on,

just give it a chance.

Take a look at it!

- You mean--

- That looks ridiculous.

- It won't fool anybody.

- Would you be careful with that?

Oh, for God's sake, Richard.

Okay.

- Well, you see,

- Yeah.

I don't think you'd ever know

it was a hairpiece.

If you just take a little-- no.

- No-oh-oh.

- What about there?

- No?

- Wouldn't do it there.

- Hey!

- God, no.

Hey, wait a minute.

- It's gotta go.

- What are you--

Come on, man, I need that,

I need that back.

Richard, you're in denial.

It makes you look like

the world's biggest jerk off.

It makes me look like

I've got more hair.

Sit down, Rich--

I need that back.

Fine.

Let me just tell you

how things are, okay, Richard?

You're headin' for egg city.

Located in the chrome dome county

in the state of the cue ball.

Do you understand what

I'm talking about?

In a year, your head will look

like a Christmas tree lot in January.

I understand that.

That's why I need your help.

Have you got some kind

of a thickening agent?

Something I can put in there

and give me a little bit more,

you know, volume, huh?

I can help you, Richard.

How?

Only if you let me.

- Of course.

- Okay.

Now, what I can do--

I can cut your hair.

I can give it shape.

- I can give it style, Richard.

- Come on.

Now, I can empower you, Richard.

- Give you back your manhood.

- I can't let you cut my hair.

- It's your birthright.

- What are you going to cut?

Please, let me just

style it a little bit.

What I do is, see--

I start from--

We start from here.

No cutting, no cutting.

Fine, just styling.

Just as plants

respond to soothing music,

your follicles will love

Harmonies for Hair.

Grow, baby, grow.

Hi!

I really like your hair like that,

it looks nice.

How about a drink?

Did Dennis do that?

Do what?

Paint your head.

Who painted your head?

Doesn't work?

Dennis didn't do that, did he?

Tell me he didn't do that.

No, I did it.

You don't like it, do you?

Poor baby.

All this is really gettin'

to you, isn't it?

Oh, it's driving me crazy, Megan.

I can't eat, I can't sleep.

The only thing

I can think about is my hair.

I'm losing my hair.

Oh, darling.

It wouldn't be so--

What?

You-- you've got stuff

all over your face.

Oh!

Look at all this crap.

I disgust you, don't I?

What disgusts me, Richard,

is your inability

to accept yourself

as you are.

I just don't want

to be a bald guy.

You're not a bald guy.

You-- you're just--

you're just a thinning hair guy.

It means the same thing.

It doesn't mean

the same thing, okay?

What it--

I just can't deal with you

when you're like this, okay?

- Megan.

- Bye.

Megan.

Megan, please.

I think we need to spend some time

away from each other.

Oh, sure, just walk out

on the bald guy.

Do yourself a favor, Richard,

wash your head.

Miracle Shine, the miracle shampoo.

Miracle Shine will add

new fullness of life to your hair.

That youthful luster is what

all other shampoo products

have claimed to achieve,

but never really delivered.

Miracle Shine, the miracle shampoo.

Add new--

With Colossal Grow

your lawn will never be thicker.

Professional gardeners are buying

Colossal Grow and doubling their--

The Roswell Hair Growth

Laboratories'

patented technique

is guaranteed.

No painful and iffy transplants.

No silly toupees or weaves.

Just a full head

of beautiful, living hair.

Call now for an immediate

appointment.

Operators are standing by

24 hours a day.

Remember, after my Roswell

hair growth procedure,

I bought the company.

5-5-5-9-9-1-1.

Yes.

Mr. Richard

Coberts is here for his appointment.

Show him in, please.

- Nice to meet you, Richard.

- Doctor.

Mr. Coberts' before picture.

Have a seat, please.

I take it my nurses

fully explained our procedure.

Uh, yes, I saw your commercial

on television.

How does it work?

We revive dead hair follicles

by applying

a protein-based solution

to the hair roots

beneath the scalp.

What's in the protein solution?

That's patented.

I love it when he talks that way.

Don't you think he'll look just

too sexy with a full head of hair?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Richard might not be right

for our treatment.

Tell me, why do you want hair?

Uh, I think I'll feel better

about myself.

There are certain advantages

to being bald, Richard.

For instance,

Bald men are often considered to be

more trustworthy, less threatening.

The primal power that a full head

of hair bestows on a man

brings a certain pressure

to perform.

Some men realize that

they prefer to remain

out of the limelight.

Well, that may be so, Doctor,

but I want hair.

I want lots of hair.

You don't think

I'm up to it, do you?

- Are you?

- I think so.

I think so too.

It'll change your life, Richard.

I want it to change.

- You sure?

- I'm positive.

I love a positive man.

Very well.

Nurse, activate the compuscan.

I'll just insert your picture

into the graphic scanner.

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