Bodysnatch Page #3

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Zero to 60 faster than a

hobo on a ham sandwich.

[laughs]

It looks like something

out of RoboCop.

Yeah,

she's a real beaut, huh?

We've been riding

around in her all day.

I don't know

if you knew this, but, uh,

Indy's actually one of the most

dangerous places in the nation, so...

You know, we just wanted to come

see where all the sh*t goes down.

[Marcus]

Hey, nope, nope, a**hole.

Get in the back.

You know how it goes,

you know how it goes.

Emma, Emma, Emma.

[laughs]

[exhales]

[engine starts]

[Marcus, on speaker] Cruisin'

down the street Cuz I'm Five-O

Friskin' the hunnies

Pullin' over the ho's

I'm on your ass

In hot pursuit

Yo pull over, baby

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you

Cuz the boys in blue

We ball so hard

I'll ticket ya ass

If you disregard

Me and my crew

We run the city

When I flash my lights

Yo flash them titties

We don't have no clue

where the f*** we're going.

[rap music continuing]

Aha! Aha!

Beautiful!

What is that, velvet?

There's nice little pond.

That's a beautiful pond.

And that,

ladies and Johnsons,

is what you call

a California stop.

[Emma] Uh-oh. Here we go. Now

you're paying attention.

[laughing]

[engine revving]

Flash 'em.

- Me?

- Yeah.

[siren]

Pull over!

[imitating scratching]

Let's see what

we've got right here.

[siren stops]

5-Y-C-6-7-A.

Boom!

Oh!

Brandie Roddenfield.

She is smokin'! Man!

Brunette,

237 Hollybrook Court. 35.

MILF, right?

5'3", 110 pounds.

- Oh, she's tiny.

- I know her.

Ah. 1200 on her SAT.

Oh, she lost

her virginity at 15.

I'm just kidding.

You can't tell

from looking at the screen.

Be nice

if you could though, huh?

Hell, I don't know when

she got her cherry popped,

but she is smokin'!

I'm sorry.

My tender

sensibilities, sir!

She goes to my yoga studio.

Ooh... bendable.

She's sweet.

Sweet, tiny...

bendy!

On it!

[laughs]

Dispatch, we got a 24-44 on

Route 44 and Washington Ave.

Uh, copy.

You copy a plate?

5-Y-C-6-7-A.

A 2015 issue. Copy?

[dispatcher] That's a negative, 86.

Disengage.

B*tch, you are not about

to cock-block me right now.

86, do you copy?

Could you repeat that?

Disengage immediately.

[grams]

Car 86, clear.

Over and out.

[breathes, sniffs]

How do I look?

She just told you

to lay off.

Dude, her rules

don't apply to me.

I'm a P-I-M-P

Besides, I'll give Brandie a

warning and a mustache ride.

Am I right?

Am I right?

Yeah, that's my cuz!

That's how we roll.

Watch and learn.

Watch and learn.

Brandie Roddenfield.

[laughing]

What a douche.

Does he actually think

that's going to work?

You'd be surprised.

Girls appreciate

a guy with balls.

[gunshot]

What?! Oh, my God,

what is she doing?!

Oh, sh*t!

[Jeremy]

Did she see us?

I don't think so.

The radio, the radio.

Officer down.

We have an officer down.

Say over,

you got to say over.

This is car 86.

We have an officer dow...

[gunshot]

- [gunshots]

- Drive, Steve! Drive! Drive!

[gunshots]

- [gunshot]

- [engine revs]

Sh*t.

[Steve]

It's OK. We're OK.

It's OK.

It's over, we're OK.

I don't think so, man.

She just got up!

I just hit her with a car

really damn hard!

How could she just get up?

Dude, I know what I saw!

She made it!

[Emma]

Why is she attacking us?

We saw what she did to Marcus!

We're witnesses!

Maybe she was on drugs.

Maybe she's not human!

Maybe you're an idiot!

[dispatcher]

Car 86, do you read me?

- Answer it.

- No, no, no! Don't... don't, man!

- But why not?

- I don't know.

Are you crazy?

Car 86, I repeat,

do you read me?

Respond. Over.

What about Marcus?

Help! This is Car 86!

We have an officer down!

Officer Wilder

was just attacked. He's...

[dispatcher]

Ma'am, please calm down.

I'll need you to follow

my exact instructions

so we can get you to safety.

Proceed to 1720 Kent Avenue.

What about Marcus?

An officer will meet you there

to escort you to the station.

Keep this channel clear

for police communication only.

Proceed

to Kent Ave immediately.

[Emma] Is this

an abandoned building?

Jeremy, are you sure you put

the address in correctly?

I put it in correctly.

[Steve] There's no way

this is right.

Hello,

this is car 86.

We've arrived

at the location.

No one is here.

Over.

Is there anyone here? Over.

Why isn't she responding?

I need some air.

No, I don't think that we should

get out of the car, Emma.

I was wrong, man.

Look like she's

totally into you.

[laughing]

Dispatch

to any unit in range.

We have a Code 10-31

on Route 44 at Washington Ave.

Over.

Dispatch, Car 14.

I'm arriving on the scene.

We've got a black SUV.

Appears to be idling.

No one's in sight.

I'm going to check it out.

Copy that. Proceed.

[engine running]

Dispatch, Car 14.

There's no signs of anyone.

The vehicle does

appear to be abandoned.

Copy that, 14.

No suspects found.

Stand by

for vehicle removal. Over.

Copy that.

- [Brandie grunts]

- [Colfax groans]

[vibrating vocalization]

I don't like this.

You don't like what?

This spot.

This situation.

The dispatcher.

I don't like

any of it.

When we called it in, how

did she know where we were?

[truck approaching]

[ominous music playing]

[engine revving]

[revving]

[tires screeching]

Aah!

Run!

- Jeremy! Jeremy!

- Jeremy!

Steve! Emma!

Come on!

[vibrating vocalization]

Right here!

Right here.

Right here.

[whispering]

It's her. It's Brandie.

I hit her with a car.

I saw her face.

[ominous music playing]

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

[gun clicking]

You know

how to use that thing?

Yeah. OK.

OK, OK.

On three, we just run.

No looking back.

Just run.

Run?

She'll shoot us if we run.

Better a moving target,

plus...

[pumps shotgun]

OK, we're ready.

One.

Run!

What the hell?!

You said on three!

Three, three, three,

three, three!

[shrieking]

[Jeremy] It's all

right, lay in the back!

Get in the back!

[engine starts]

[ominous music playing]

What the f*** was that?

"What" is exactly

the right question.

That thing

definitely wasn't human.

What did I say about

your conspiracy bullshit?

You seriously think

that thing wasn't human?

Well, it sure as sh*t

wasn't Sasquatch, Jeremy.

Of course not.

Sasquatch lives

in the Pacific Northwest.

Everybody knows that, man.

But I think we're dealing

with a Jangling.

That's a beer.

One second.

She was shooting a gun,

Jeremy!

I'm aware of that.

According to Ill Dr. Phil,

a lot of paranormals can do the

things us normal normals can do.

Like drive a forklift,

drink coffee, do yoga.

Janglings. Ah, here it is. Janglings.

Look. Look, man.

[Ill Dr. Phil] One of the most

recent and intriguing theories

in the field of exo-biology

is the Jangling,

or as it's known in popular

culture, the bodysnatcher.

Much like

their movie counterparts,

Janglings have been

described to possess

increased strength and resilience

compared to their human host.

A lack of emotion

and loss of unique identity

are also traits popularly

associated with Janglings.

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