Bon Cop, Bad Cop Page #6

why in God's name he would sell

the world's greatest hockey player

out from under us,

apparently, he's in danger!

Boo-hoo!

And I've got two cops in the corner

who won't tell me a thing

about this lunatic.

Can we see these cops?

Can we get a shot of them?

Hi, guys. How you doin'?

So maybe you have something

to say on the subject, so call in

and talk to me on the air

and tell me what you think about...

The Tattoo Killer.

- What?

- And cut!

90 seconds! Make-up!

- Mr. Berry,

I'm sure you know yourjob...

- Don't tell me how to do my job.

- You can't talk about the killer

on the air.

We don't want to provoke him.

And branding him "The Tattoo Killer,"

that's publicity,

just what these guys want.

- I can talk about whatever

the hell I want to talk about,

because I have a lot of time

I have to fill.

Can someone please

get this fruit away from me?

- Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.

Tom, you good? Coffee? Yes?

- No, I don't have a guest!

How am I good?

- Can someone

find him a guest, please?

Okay, people,

we're back in 5, 4, 3...

- Welcome back.

We have two very special guests

in the studio

to talk about... The Tattoo Killer!

With us from Ontario,

Detective Martin Ward,

and from Montreal,

David Bouch...

Boucha...

Boucherville, Bouchie...

One of these French names

I always screw up.

Men, are you any closer

to getting this jerk?

- Well, Tom, I don't think we can

say categorically that he is a jerk.

What we do know

is that he works very fast.

And though we don't want

to sound alarmist,

we think it would be a good idea

if those people in the hockey

community were careful.

- Careful?

What does that mean?

- Well, to respond

to your question,

Tom, uh...

the best way to be prudent

would be to change

your hapitudes.

- Your habitubes?

- Habits, Tom.

That's a good point, David.

The killer seems to know

the habits of all his victims

and is using that knowledge

to capture them.

So it might be a good idea

to change your routine.

- Yeah, what I'm wondering is,

why do we have a French cop

on our turf? I mean,

is this killer

not challenging enough for you?

- Keep it up and you'll regret

wearing those ugly ties.

- Come again?

- He just said:

"What a sharp dresser you are!"

- No, I said go on with

your stupid comments about me

and you'll regret those ties.

- You want a piece of me?

- Are you hitting on me?

- Tom, caller on line 1!

- Okay, apparently

we have a caller on the air

who has

some very important information.

Caller, you're on the air.

What's your name, please?

- Tattoo Killer.

- Ha-ha. Very funny,

but we just don't have the time.

- You have a problem

with my quest, Tom?

You think you can do better?

You think I'm just a jerk?

- I don't think you're a jerk,

I think you're a flake or a fake.

- Shut the f*** up.

Mr. Pickleton

is getting his tattoo now.

- Let me talk to him.

Unfortunately, Detective Ward,

Mr. Pickleton can't come

to the phone right now.

He was moving too much

and it was impossible

to make a nice tattoo.

And by the way...

sorry about your car, David.

- Sir, we're going to hang up now.

If you'd like to talk to us,

we're going to give you a number

that you can call us at.

- Don't you f***ing hang up on me!

I know your names and faces.

So don't worry,

if I wanna talk to you...

(laughing)

...believe me,

I'll find you.

- Hang up the phone.

- I don't think so.

- You're either with me or against me.

- Watch it, frog!

- You are trying to stop me

in my heroic attempt

to save our national sport.

When I get finished with all

the moneygrubbers and scumbags

who sold our game to Americans,

who couldn't care less...

- Stand back!

...about the art of hockey,

I'll come after you

and those two cops and everyone

else who gets in my way!

If you think

I'm going to let my game

become less important

than bowling

because of a couple of rich...

(dial tone)

F***!

- Listen to me, you sick f***.

You want to talk, call me.

514-555-5594.

- Ah!

- Pickleton can't be too far

from the limo.

- If he's still in the building.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

- David?

You want to talk to me?

- Keep him talking.

- Yeah.

What will you do with him?

- Let's just say...

...I'm going to leave him on ice.

- On ice?

- He's on Bouchard's cellphone.

Try and trace the call.

I don't care! Just trace it!

- Don't you speak French?

- When I feel like it.

And now I don't.

- I'm understand everything you've

done, except for Benoit Brisset.

Why him?

- He's the one who loved

Colorado so much.

- How come you have such

a strong accent in English and French?

Who was your teacher?

Jean Chretien?

Funny. Real funny.

Time's up.

- F***.

(banging)

(muffled yelling)

- It's the police!

We'll get you out.

- It's unlocked.

(muffled yelling)

Tattoo gear.

Easy, easy.

- You all right?

- I'm fine, thanks.

- Who are you?

- I drive the Zamboni.

- Where is it?

- Down there.

- Let's go.

- Take care of this, guys.

(crowd cheering in distance)

Police! Freeze!

- Sh*t!

(rock music)

- Sh*t. Go, I got Pickleton!

Hey, come here!

I need some help!

- F***!

- Police! Out of the way!

- Hey! Whoa!

- Police! Out of the way!

- You f***ing Frenchies!

You run like you drive!

- Out of the way!

Ah!

Ah...

- Excuse me! Police!

Excuse me. Excuse me.

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm okay.

- Easy, easy.

We know Pickleton sold 99 to L.A.

And here we have the U.S. Dollar sign

and a big apple

which brings us to New York.

- You're sure it's New York?

- Well, New York money for sure.

- I don't know.

There's nothing Canadian about it.

- Call the New York FBI

to warn them

a maniac might be headed

their way.

- Maybe we should

go down there.

- Why? You gonna burn down

the Empire State Building?

Blow up Times Square?

- He's prejudiced,

isn't he?

- What did he say?

- Just ignore him.

What do you want us to do?

- Work with what you got.

As long as there's no body bags

in my territory,

I don't give a sh*t.

- Talk about a shitty week.

If he's going south,

there's nothing we can do about it.

I'll probably lose my job over this.

Lost my car...

The good news is,

it can't get any worse.

- You're right.

Let's get out of here.

You want to come home

for dinner?

- Why not.

- Don't do me any favours.

Can you hand me an endive,

please?

Aha! Rosemary.

Endive. Endive, s'il vous plait.

- This?

- Yes, that's it.

- The guest room is ready.

- Thanks.

Would you set the table, please?

- Do you have any beer?

- I don't,

but I might have some cognac.

- Aunt Iris bought some yesterday.

It's in the fridge.

- All right, so where's this hunk

who saved my big brother?

- Aunt Iris, this is David.

David, this is Aunt Iris.

- Okay...

Um... just Iris is good.

- Enchantay, Just Iris.

- Enchantay to you!

- Ah!

It's nothing.

- Are you adopted?

- 'Cause you can

see the difference?

- Want a beer?

- Thank you, baby.

- Maybe Toronto isn't so bad

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