Bon Cop Bad Cop 2 Page #4

(Chuckling):
OK!

- What the f***, Mikey?

- I don't know.

Maybe it's one of the mechanics.

- It's weird.

- What?

- Mike gave me the same list as last week.

- Really? OK, you have to come in tonight.

- No way. I have to get

at least one car tonight.

Meet me in an hour at Ste-Catherine

and Crescent. - 10-4.

- Oh, and bring me a white

shirt and a bow tie.

- What? A white shirt and a bow tie?

( Bass thumping in distance )

I can't believe you got me

helping you steal a car.

( Pop on sound system )

Whenever you're ready.

- On my way.

Merci.

Good evening!

Welcome to... 5!

Have a good night!

(Woman):
No one makes me feel

like you do

Love the way you light up the room

No one makes me feel like you do...

Thanks.

Motorcycles with girls

No one makes me feel like you do

Love the way you light up the room

No one makes me feel like you do

Wow! That was too easy, man!

Let's do it again tomorrow!

- No way!

I'm the one who has to

pretend I lost my ticket,

then spend half an hour

waiting for my car.

(Laughing)

(Man):
Princesse Des tnbres

Archange maudit

Amazone moderne style

Que Le sculpteur, en Anglais

Surnomma Spirit of Ecstasy...

(Talking indistinctly)

- Hey, Jen!

- What's up with that look?

Are you my barback tonight?

- I have a little side gig going

with the symphony.

You don't like it?

I'll have a Jack and Coke.

- You sure you don't want a martini?

- Hi, Mike.

Martin?

Martin, can you hear me?

Wake up!

- I'm here! I'm here!

Is something wrong?

- The three clients are at the bar.

You need to tell them...

It's too risky for me.

- I'll be there in 10.

- Do it quick!

That's right, I talk to my penis.

(Martin chuckling)

I've even given him a name: Martin.

- Ha! A**hole!

- I don't give a damn!

Do what you want.

Just don't ask me to introduce you to mine.

- OK.

I'll be at the bar if you change your mind.

- Mike wants me to take care of them.

- Who are they?

- I don't know.

I don't ask questions,

as long as they tip well

and take it easy on the groping.

- Gina? Jen? Can I have another?

This one's empty.

A double. And three more

for my friends over there.

- What are you doing?

- Five minutes, tops!

- Jen, do you have any matches?

- Uh-oh! They're angry!

Don't worry, it's just liquid!

Dry it off with your turban!

- Yo, what's he saying?

- Get the hell out!

- I'll take care of it.

(Groaning)

Come on!

- What are you doing, man?

- It's all right.

- What's his problem?

- That's nothing.

- Salut!

- OK!

Go home and come back tomorrow.

- OK!

- OK?

- That way? Tomorrow?

- Good night!

- I'm here.

- Listen, big shot!

- Is he still here?

- You guys can't tell me what to do

in my own...

(Grunting)

- Do you have a light?

(Muttering indistinctly)

(Coughing)

I'm going inside.

- David, you won't f***ing believe this!

- You sure about that?

- No, Dave, I'm not 100% sure,

but seeing as there were

3 American flags hanging off the building,

2 armed Marines at the door,

oh, and yes, a gold plaque that says:

"United States of America Consulate,"

I think I might be onto something.

- What are they doing there?

- They're American.

- Yeah, and I'm Japanese.

On Saturdays, I put on my flip-flops

and make sushi at the mall.

- She's right. They are Americans.

Show him.

- They're all at the same university.

- What system did you hack into?

- None.

They're all properly enrolled.

They're even listed in

our official database

as humanitarian observers and consultants.

- For who? Crooks Without Borders?

- That's not a real thing.

- Thanks, Princess Leia.

- What if they're FBI?

- F***, this is heavy!

- They're rocks!

- FBI?

- Mm-hmm!

- Nah! No, no, no.

What next?

Are the KGB and Scotland Yard on their way

for middle management like DiPietro?

- OK, you take care of DiPietro,

and I'll keep my eyes on the Americans.

- Great. Keep me posted.

- Hey!

Aren't you forgetting something?

- Uh, no.

- Uh, the tip?

- What tip?

- Yesterday, the guy whose car you stole,

he gave you a tip.

$20, right?

- Yeah, and?

- Well, I tipped the valet, too,

and I'd like to get my money back.

- Man!

You're so cheap!

(Both chuckling)

How much did you tip him?

- $10 bucks!

- I want my change.

- And you're calling me cheap.

- You're $5 short.

- No!

I paid $10, you got $20,

the profit is $10, so your share is $5.

- Tabarnak!

You need help. You need therapy, my friend.

Hey!

You should be in AA. Or maybe in CC...

"Cheap Canadians."

"Hi, my name is Martin!"

"Hi, Martin!"

"I've been a cheap

Canadian since I was born,

"and I'm so excited to get 5 bucks,

I'm still shaking."

- Here! Swap this out!

- Whoa! You seem to think I work for you.

- Ah!

I'm sorry. Didn't I explain this to you?

Federal...

provincial.

- That's not the best way to talk

to a separatist with anger issues!

- Watch your mouth, young man!

This morning, my endocrinologist

told me I wasn't the right sex!

My testosterone level is abnormally high:

women are at 2, men are at 7,

and I'm a f***ing 9.2!

(Door slamming)

- At least she's seeing a professional.

(Car honking)

- Martin Ward, RCMP.

I need to see an official.

It's regarding

a very important and delicate matter.

- Everything is important, sir.

Take a blue number.

Take a seat right there.

Somebody will be with you shortly.

- Have a nice day!

Hello! Can I take your order?

- Yes, I'd like the surf and turf,

a baked potato with FOIE Gras

and a glass of red wine, please.

- Dad! OK, anything else?

- I needed to see your face.

Are you ready for your exam?

- Yes, I'm ready.

Nervous, but ready.

- Let's go over the steps involved

in a civilian intervention.

- Dad, I'm ready!

- Tut, tut, tut!

Envoie!

- Approach, identification,

questioning, listening,

situation analysis, conflict resolution.

- And if you can't resolve the conflict?

- I'll do what you'd do:

make up a law or pull my gun.

- Ha ha ha!

Very funny!

(Laughing)

- I'm ready, Dad.

- I know you are. If I passed it,

then you'll ace it.

- Thanks.

(Car honking)

- Hey!

Let's go, moron!

- Calm down!

There are 40 different donuts!

I need a minute to choose!

- Dad!

- I don't have all day!

(Speaking gibberish)

- Drive up to the first window, please.

( Muzak on PA )

(Groaning quietly)

(Machine whirring)

(Sighing)

$4. 75.

- Can you do me a favour?

Buy some ice cream for your mother.

Honey-lavender.

- Gross.

- I can't believe that even exists.

They need a bacon and ribs flavour.

(Gabrielle laughing)

OK?

- OK.

Here.

- Smile!

- Babe, 2 sandwiches for the price of one!

(Both laughing)

- What?

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- We're serving number 159, sir.

- Perhaps you've made a mistake

and slipped by a couple too quickly?

- Impossible. It's all done by computer.

The numbers are not switched manually.

- I need to speak to somebody now!

- Ken!

We have a Code 63.

- Code 63? What the heck is that?

- Please... Thanks, Clo. Take your 15.

I got this.

(Sighing)

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