Boo 2! A Madea Halloween

---

[SILVASTONE, "FULL MOON TONIGHT" PLAYING]

# What is that howl from the woods #

# What shadows that lurk on the ground #

# It's much too late

Just make your escape #

# Can't fight it, you can't stop it now #

# All the ghosts arouse in a metal room #

# Through the streets and all over town #

# On the dirt that day

They come out to play #

# Don't try to run

You can't get away #

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- Happy birthday.

- Don't.

- What?

- Don't remind me.

It's your 18th birthday. Aren't you happy?

- Yes!

- And it's the day before Halloween.

Yes, all of that is good.

So? What's the problem?

You wanna see a problem?

[SCOFFS] I'll show you a problem.

- Look at him.

- What?

He's so lame.

Hi.

No, it's cute.

He's wearing a birthday hat.

He's excited. It's your birthday.

He does this every year.

Like, when is it gonna end?

- [TIFFANY SIGHS]

- Hi, Mr. Simmons.

- Hi, Dad.

- [BRIAN] Hi.

[BEATBOXING]

Dad. Okay, you've been

doing this every year since I was five.

- Can you stop now?

- What do you mean, can I stop?

This is tradition. We have to do it.

[SING-SONG] Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Thanks, okay. But can you take off

the stupid hat?

- This hat is not stupid. Come on.

- It's stupid.

Take it off. It's embarrassing.

Okay, all right. Fine. [CHUCKLES] Fine. Fine.

Okay! Now what do you say?

I'm not playing this game with you.

Fine. Then you won't get your gift.

[TIFFANY] Okay.

Okay, you know what?

On second thought, I'll play.

Yeah, there we go. See? See, I told you.

[BRIAN] Here we go, BJ. Here we go.

Dad, what are you doing here?

I just came to pick you up.

Why did you come to pick me up?

No reason.

Wow.

Mmm. She doesn't sound convincing, Dad.

BJ, stay in your lane.

Can I have my gift now?

Well, listen, why don't we

just wait until you get home?

Everybody's at the house.

Can't I just open it now?

Nobody's at the house.

What are you talkin' about?

- Nobody's there.

- What's going on?

My tired after-school birthday party.

Can I please have the gift now?

Fine. Bam! Take it.

- Thank you.

- There you go.

[LAUGHING]

It's headphones. So when we're driving,

I don't have to listen to your music.

You can just plug in

and listen to your own music in my car.

Wait, where's the car?

It's right there.

Mine?

For my 18th birthday?

No, that's mine. You're not getting

a car. What are you talkin' about?

Dad, no. This is the year

I'm supposed to have a car.

I'm graduating high school,

going to college. I'm 18!

[BRIAN] Okay. We talked about this.

First of all, you're not

responsible enough to have a car, okay?

And your driving sucks.

Okay, that's... But here's the thing.

If you're gonna have a car,

I think you need to earn it.

I don't think it should be given to you,

okay?

And you haven't earned it. I'm sorry.

Mom lets me drive.

You're not ready for a car, Tiffany.

You have to be responsible.

You have to learn what's going on.

I know your mom probably lets you drive.

But your mom kind of has a bit of an issue.

- [TIFFANY SCOFFS]

- I heard that.

Damn. Like Candyman.

I didn't mean you weren't,

like, the best judge...

You meant what you said.

- Hi, honey!

- Hi, Mom.

- Hey, baby. Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hi, Calvin. How you doin'?

- Hi, BJ.

- What's up?

- Hey, happy birthday.

- [MOUTHS] Okay.

Hi, thank you.

What are you guys doing here?

I knew your dad would be here

with that old hat.

And I knew you'd be humiliated.

So we came to do some damage control.

- Happy birthday!

- [GASPS]

- Mom, what?

- Yes!

Oh, my God! Thank you so much! [LAUGHING]

You're so welcome.

This is from me and your stepdad.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

[DEBRAH] Yeah, go, go. Go for a ride.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Hey, hey. Don't ruin this for her.

Tiffany, I need you to come home.

You can drive later.

- Are you serious?

- Yes!

For that tired-ass birthday party?

It's a surprise. Do you mind?

You've been doing it for 18 years.

It's not a surprise.

- Go on, baby. Have fun.

- Thank you. Thank you, Calvin.

- Bye!

- [CALVIN] You're welcome.

[SQUEALS]

Tiffany, I need you to come straight home.

- [TIRES SCREECHING]

- [GABRIELLA] Bye, Mr. Simmons.

- [WHOOPS]

- [DEBRAH] Have fun!

Okay. Did you have to do that?

Well, she's my daughter.

Okay, first of all, you walk out on us.

Then you undermine everything I do.

Then you won't discipline her,

and you walk in here like the hero.

I'm not doing this with you.

You're the one with the problem.

How am I the one with the problem?

She's 18, and you keep treating her

like she's still five.

Look, do not tell me how

to raise this child, okay?

She is not responsible enough

to have a car yet.

You need to learn to give her some room

to make a mistake.

[CALVIN] Can we not do this, please?

Can we not? BJ's watchin'.

I'll see you at the house.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you comin' to my house?

What are you comin' to my house for?

It's my daughter.

[BRIAN] Get in the car, BJ.

[BRIAN] Say hi to your Aunt Madea.

[ALL] Surprise!

[MADEA] Oh, it's just Brian.

How many times am I supposed

to say "surprise" for this little girl?

Y'all better get her ass up in here.

I don't have breath to be wasting like that.

Hell, I need my breath for when I inhale.

Then you need to stop smoking all that weed.

The devil is a liar.

I'm gonna be smokin' till I die.

Wrap me up in weed paper and cremate me.

I'mma get the whole damn funeral jacked up.

[LAUGHING]

[HATTIE] Oh, look at my baby.

Baby, you don't...

You don't look good at all.

No, he don't. What is it, boy?

- [BAM] Hattie.

- Hmm?

It's you. You the reason why he's not happy.

Bam, slow your roll. Slow your roll.

Brian is into me.

Got me? Brian loves me.

Don't you, boo?

Come on over here,

and let me make you feel good.

[MADEA] Hush all that.

Brian, what is wrong with you?

Nothing, nothing. I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

Speak up before I hit you in the nut

like I did when you was a little boy.

What is wrong with you?

Yeah. I'm fine. Is everybody here? I'm fine.

Well, just come on over here

and let me give you a hug, Brian.

I'll pass.

Okay, go ahead. Act like that, Brian.

You gonna wish you had

let me make you feel good.

[SIGHS]

[BLOWS KISS]

- Mmm.

- Damn.

Your breath came out your mouth

ass-backwards.

It was breech.

What the hell is that?

Joe, you smell it too?

I'm sitting right here by her.

Hell, that damn thing came over here,

walked past me like, "I'm funky."

Oh, y'all shut the hell up.

Girl, that breath smell like

it's been in the Civil War.

Girl, you need to just

bottle that up and sell it.

That cleared up all my sinuses.

Anytime somebody got breath

like that, honey, that bad,

something is going on inside.

That ain't just your teeth.

That's her esophagus.

It's down, way down there,

below her belly button.

No, Bam, it's comin' lower

than her esophagus.

That's comin' from down low.

Y'all shut the hell up. You shut up, Joe.

Rate this script:3.1 / 16 votes