Boo 2! A Madea Halloween Page #2

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I know damn well you ain't talkin' to me.

I know when my breath smell.

If my breath smell bad, it's 'cause

of what I've been eating. Hello?

Joe, cut it out.

Where's Tiffany, boy?

I thought you went to get her.

Well, I did. I went to get her.

And her mother and her husband were there,

and they bought her a car.

[JOE] They bought a car?

A real one?

Wait, hold on. They gave her a car for free?

She didn't have to work for it?

That's... You see,

that's exactly what I'm saying.

Exactly what I'm saying.

Oh, hell no, honey. No.

Do you know how much work I had to do

to get my first car?

Oh, I had to walk up and down them streets.

My heels was run over just like this

'cause I was walkin' and workin' them

streets so hard.

Oh, that's not what I'm saying.

That is not what I'm saying.

No, no. They say...

They say like people's pets

start to look like them...

I'mma tell you right now,

if you give up too much ass,

your ass start to look like

whatever you gave it up for.

That's why this ass look like

a Buick Electra 225.

You see that sh*t, right there?

That's gonna make me throw up.

Madea, I'm not talking

about that. Okay? Thanks.

So, baby, so, you said that

they bought her a car for "pree"?

- For what?

- A car for "pree."

Ain't no P-R in "free," honey. "Free. Free."

Not one dime

did she have to pay for it. Yeah.

I was pimpin' hard to get my first Cadillac.

I had so many hoes out on the street,

I couldn't even keep count.

I had every ho from every nation.

Yeah, they used to call me NATO.

[BAM] What do you mean, "NATO"?

You don't know

what the hell NATO is? Damn, Bam.

NATO. I'm the National Pimp Association

that tolerates all the old hoes.

- [BAM] Oh!

- Yeah, NATO.

What the hell? [CHUCKLES]

[MADEA] Hush all of that.

Well, baby, a car is a nice thing

even though she got it for free.

No, it's not. It's not a nice thing.

Why not?

She's not responsible. Tiffany can't drive.

Duh, Brian.

You supposed to teach her

how to drive, honey.

I tried to teach her. I tried to teach her.

What did she do?

I was teaching her how to parallel park.

I said, "Put it in reverse

and back up," she hit a tree.

She hit a tree? Why?

I said, "Why'd you do that?"

She said, "I didn't hear the beeps."

Oh, yeah.

[MADEA] What you talkin' about, "Oh, yeah"?

What do you know about a damn beep?

Mabel, the new cars nowadays...

She don't know.

New cars nowadays, honey,

they beep when you start going

backwards, baby.

That's all, honey.

But you wouldn't know nothin' about that

'cause you ain't got no nice car.

She done went off on you

about your raggedy-ass car.

[MADEA] You ain't talkin' about my Cadillac.

My Cadillac is special.

I worked hard for that Cadillac.

That pole was bent when I leapt up off of it,

working for that Cadillac. Do you understand?

I didn't have them

kind of poles back in my day.

Them silver, gold ones.

They had telephone poles,

and I snapped it one night

when I was doing my somersault.

It's called a helicopter.

Where you run up to it, and you grab it

by the bottom of your legs,

then you come on down.

That's what I did.

That's what bought my Cadillac.

Don't talk about my Cadillac.

And listen to me, my car is nice too.

If I'm backing up and I'm about to hit

somethin', I hear noise too.

It's from the bastard I'm about to hit.

Okay, and so now, what did you buy her?

Wait, that's a good question, Bam.

What'd you give her?

I know you got somethin'

that just wiped her out here.

You ain't gonna let her outdo you.

If she got a car, what you got?

I bought her some headphones.

[EXCLAIMS]

[EXCLAIMS]

[MADEA] I'm sorry.

Headphones like you put on your ears?

[BAM] That's what I...

Yes.

Oh, Brian.

[LAUGHING]

Now, don't you think that... that...

that made your little gift look like...

Sh*t.

I was going to say that,

but I was gonna say, "bull squat."

[JOE] Boy, what the hell wrong with you?

You're just... You're just a dork.

"Here's your car." "Here's your headphones."

[LAUGHING]

- [HATTIE] That's the same thing I said!

- [JOE LAUGHING]

He's full of it if he thinks...

[MADEA] Where you goin'?

Come on, we wanna see the headphones!

Keep the phone, just give me the head.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[LOWELL, "RIDE" PLAYING ON RADIO]

# Break the windows, ride, ride, ride #

- [TIFFANY LAUGHING]

- [GABRIELLA] Tiffany, look out!

Can you slow down?

[TIFFANY] I'm so excited! Aren't you excited?

[GABRIELLA] That was a red light.

# Love is in the air, hey, hey #

# Ride, ride, ride, break the windows #

- [MUSIC STOPS]

- Oh, I love this car.

Yeah, it's a nice car.

But your dad was right. You can't drive.

Yes, I can.

Uh, yeah. See,

the thing is you actually can't.

Wait, what are we doing here?

It's called a do-over.

What's a "do-over"?

See, last year I was too young

to come to the Halloween party.

But this year, I'm gonna be the life of it.

- No, no, no. This is not a good idea.

- Yes!

- No. Nope.

- Oh, okay, you...

You think everything is a bad idea.

You need to live a little.

No. Because I am not letting

you get me into trouble

like you did with Aday last year!

Come on!

No! No, no. Your dad got so mad,

Aday's dad was furious,

and Madea got everyone into trouble,

and the cops were called.

- Come on. It'll be fun.

- No. Nope.

No, yes, you're doing this with me.

We're doing this together.

We're best friends.

We're gonna do it. Come on.

- [HORN HONKS]

- Oops, sorry.

[GABRIELLA GRUMBLING] Not gonna like this.

Wait! Your dad is not gonna like this.

[TIFFANY] I don't care! I'm an adult. I'm 18.

He doesn't have to like it.

- Aren't you excited?

- [GABRIELLA] No.

- Be excited. It'll be fun.

- No...

- I don't wanna go.

- [TIFFANY] Come on!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DINO] Who is it?

[TIFFANY] It's a surprise!

Whoa. Whoa.

- Back up!

- [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

[GABRIELLA] What is wrong with you?

[TIFFANY] What's with

all the cloak-and-dagger?

Just being careful, you know? Do I know you?

- Well...

- [CLEARS THROAT]

No. Missed me with that.

I ain't the father, all right?

Um, is Jonathan here?

Oh. He ain't the father either.

I do know you. Okay.

Yeah, you're the 17-year-old charlatan.

Go ahead, take a hike, you rug rat.

Look, I just wanna talk to Jonathan.

Jonathan don't live here no more.

All right? He moved to Shanghai.

- Dino.

- No Dino here.

I am the security of this fraternity.

Right here, you see these toasters?

Make bread, heat it up.

Dino, come on.

The guest list isn't gonna write itself.

Oh, can I get on it? Hi. How are you?

[LAUGHS] Hey! Yeah, I'm not talking to you.

- Why not?

- Oh, I don't know.

'Cause last time I checked, you're 17.

Oh, well, last time I checked,

I just turned 18.

[CHUCKLES]

Really? She's 18?

[DINO] Don't fall for it, dude.

She's a temptress.

- Yeah.

- I just wanted to apologize

for last year, all right?

And I wanted to see if we could

get invited to this Halloween party.

"Oh, boo-hoo, I wanted to apologize."

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