Boobs in the Wood Page #4

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This is how we do it in L.A.

The party's over. Time to go home.

Walk me outside?

Yeah, sure.

- I had so much fun.

- Me, too.

- I guess I'll talk to you at school.

- Why not this weekend?

- You're asking me for my number?

- Yeah, I guess so.

- You guess so?

- Okay, I am.

Here.

How the hell did you do that?

- I told you not to worry about me.

- Whatever. I got seven numbers.

The last one wasn't cute,

but she had a body. I won.

- I got seven, too. It's a tie.

- How many did you get?

Just one.

- Alicia? Damn!

- I knew you danced with her, but damn!

That number is worth ten of

those skeezers. You won, Big Mike.

You're taking all my money.

I still don't know

how you swung that.

- That's why I'm Big Mike.

- Don't act stupid.

- I'm forgetting about the wedding.

- What do you want us to tell them?

- I don't know.

- Should I tell them it's off?

- No!

- What then? They're all waiting.

- I need some time to think.

- You had time before you proposed.

- I did think.

- Grow up and act responsible.

- I don't want to wonder "what if".

- You won't, because we know it.

You need to face that, man.

- Pull the car over.

- No! I'm getting your ass there.

- We'll stick by you no matter what.

- Tell him to stop the car.

Stop running...

Are you all right?

- Mike, don't even start.

- He don't look too good.

Get the window.

This is my new sh*t!

Look at this sh*t!

These are Ferragamos!

They cost $300!

- How much did you pay for them?

- They're worth 300! Stupid ass!

- Chill, man. It's over.

- Get back in. You're marrying Lisa.

- Are you gonna force him?

- I never said I don't want to marry her.

See? He's crazy.

You're crazy, a drunk and a punk!

- Why do I have to be a punk?

- Ro, step the f*** back.

I will beat your little ass up.

You f***ing midget.

Have you lost your mind?

I will body-slam your ass.

Are you calm?

Are you calm?

Ro... stop playing.

Both of you are acting like punks.

The wedding is or isn't going to happen

today. Only you know the answer.

Don't let cold feet f*** this up, Ro.

- Are you gonna do this or not?

- I guess so.

We ain't asking you to get doughnuts!

That's good enough for now.

If he says "no" in the church...

- We got to get cleaned up.

- Where?

Hell, no.

No, no, no.

Just go. Get this sh*t away from...

What the f*** is that smell?

Ro got carsick. We need to clean up.

Gas stations have fresh paper towels.

This ain't no damn commercial.

Ro gets married in two hours.

We really need your help.

Please.

I'm doing this for her.

Not for you and especially not for him.

- She must be going through hell.

- If he gets cleaned up, she won't know.

- Can you clean the tuxedos?

- Do I look like a maid?

Take them to the cleaners!

I've got some of my man's clothes.

- I'm first in the shower.

- Shower?

There's a hose in the backyard.

- We ain't washing no dogs.

- Says who?

- What choice have we got?

- Through the back way!

- You stink. Go through the back.

- Like Benson?

- That's bad.

- So are you.

Thank you.

- Damn, this sh*t is cold.

- Maybe it'll snap Ro back to normal.

Stop playing!

Damn you all. Stop playing.

I see not a lot has changed

since high school.

This is shrinkage, right?

Back me up, you all.

- The joke's over. Pass the clothes.

- What clothes? Oh, my God.

We look like three nerds.

Why is this so painful?

I'm talking about marriage.

It's like you're going to the electric

chair. It's supposed to be special.

- It ain't that simple.

- Do you love her?

- Yeah.

- Then it's simple.

Getting drunk and dirty, fighting,

just so you can act like a schoolboy.

- Thank you, Oprah!

- Can't take the heat?

I can take the heat fine.

That fool's getting married.

But you do look good in them jeans.

Thanks for putting up with me, Tanya.

- That's for the bride.

- I deserve that.

- Ladies.

- Hi there.

- We need this done in an hour.

- What would you like cleaned?

Find a church. It'll take a miracle

to have this cleaned in an hour.

Please, we're going to a wedding.

We need you to work a miracle.

I'll see what I can do.

But I won't promise you anything.

- Here. One hour.

- Thank you.

- Think we'll get there on time?

- We've got two hours.

You want this last piece?

You're not getting it. I'll take it.

- Why did you ask me, then?

- I didn't ask you.

I asked Mike for the same reason

you proposed to Lisa. It sounds nice.

- That's cold.

- I thought you'd understand my doubts.

After the way you treated me

when I proposed.

When I said I'd propose, you said:

"Why are you busting up the group?"

You just shouldn't follow her. She

should move where you are. Be a man!

That's bull. She has a good job,

so I'm gonna follow her.

N*gger, you need some panties.

Mike, tell this ignorant Negro, please.

I'll put it this way. I see what

you're saying, but Slim got a point.

What about Alicia?

What about her? That was high school.

She went to Columbia, I got into S.C.

- You also got into New York University.

- Damn, he's right.

So now what?

Stay, let's talk about this.

Let's talk about Alicia. Lying b*tch.

We've been in the Wood for years.

You're talking about leaving?

- I'm getting married.

- What time? So I can be there.

Nobody said a thing

when you went to Italy.

- That was to play ball. I love ball.

- I love Lisa.

Then why aren't we at the wedding?

"Because I'm a punk."

That's the answer, Ro.

I can solve all your problems. We're

gonna do this the old-school style.

- I've got Jennifer Lopez.

- No, I've got J.L. Here.

- You've got Janet Jackson.

- I always had Janet Jackson.

- You've got Lisa Davis.

- Your player card's revoked.

- Let's do this.

- One nice one.

- That's me. I'm the closest.

- You always do that!

- Remember the bet?

- Do you, Mike?

I do. Do you?

St. Bernard's High School.

Lots of memories here.

High school was a different world,

but with the same objective: Girls.

High school was nice. Still beautiful

girls, but instead ofjust booty-

- they had legs, hips, breasts...

And I'm a breast man.

How you doing?

- What's up?

- Checking out some fine-assed girls.

First day of school is always the best.

Go grab a piece of booty.

It's full of possibilities. For us, that

meant sex, the wild thing, the nasty.

- See you later.

- Leave the waddy-haired girls alone.

- You're jealous.

- Stop calling girls that, man.

Look at that.

- Yeah, so?

- You gonna let Eric mack your girl?

- Funny.

- What's up?

After that dance,

me and Alicia talked.

We were a couple for the standard

three weeks. But we stayed friends.

- We're juniors now. Buckle down.

- Yeah. Ain't it a trip, though?

- Meet me at the library at five.

- Why? It's the first day of school.

- Ms Quiano is giving us a test.

- For real? I'll meet you there.

- I'll see you later.

- Yeah, me too.

That girl is still fine.

You should've stayed with that.

Come on. I'm onto bigger

and better things now.

- Like what?

- Like your mama, n*gger!

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