Booty Call

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How you do it?

You just throw it like that?

Looks like I won. Man, if you don"t get

your hands off my money... Please.

- I ain"t never gonna go broke.

- Roll that sh*t again.

Brother, put your money in.

Can"t win unless you play.

You gotta throw it in there.

There we go.

Am I right? Slipped right out

of my hands. Look at that.

Yo, Bunz, we gotta go.

Seriously, his sister"s

got some ill will.

This is going to a good cause.

Sorry I gotta go like this.

Next time, to keep your sh*t,

you gotta know when to quit.

Let"s leave. Quickly.

Hey, brothers, y"all stay broke.

I mean, stay black.

Lucky you stopped me. I was about to

buy a condo in midtown.

- Lucky I stopped you?

- Hell, yeah.

I can tell Nikki, "We was late because

Bunz was on his knees playing dice."

Playing? I was the MVP.

You didn"t hear the roar of the crowd?

- Don"t want your cut?

- I ain"t saying that.

F*** you, motherf***er. Get out

of my sh*t, know what l"m saying?

I don"t need your tired ass!

Go back to your skank ho!

She called and left her f***ing number

and I caught your ass in the act!

Big nose, pop eyes, receding hairline.

Truth is, you can"t win, motherf***er!

Let me see you rise now, motherf***er!

No, I don"t think so!

Man, you ain"t got to take that.

Jab back, baby. Jab back.

Hold up one motherfucking minute!

When I need Howard Cosell,

I will call Howard Cosell!

Take your fake-dreaded ass,

pick up Mighty Mouse...

...and skippity-doo

your rank ass home, motherf***er!

Better run, man!

Got a greyhound on your back!

See? That"s why I don"t

like relationships, man.

That why I strictly deal

with booty calls.

Three a.m., no questions asked.

Speaking of that,

I don"t wanna do this blind date.

You go do your thing. L"m gonna

go back and try to win me some money.

Hey, you can do what you want, Bunz,

okay? But this girl is fine.

Miss Butterworth fine.

- It"s up to you.

- Miss Butterworth gives me gas.

Rushon, define "fine."

What does the girl look like?

I ain"t sitting at the table

with no wildebeest.

I got a reputation.

You know what l"m saying?

What about that fruit bat

you left the party with?

I was gonna tell you about that.

That girl put something

in my drink, man. L"m serious.

Because I wouldn"t go out like that.

- The girl had a beard.

- She did not have a beard.

- She had a beard. She had hair...

- She did not have a beard.

She had a goatee.

Real nice and thin...

If your girl ain"t Chinese, then why the

hell she live way down in Chinatown?

Good neighbourhood, nice apartment.

Her girlfriend lives across the hall.

The girlfriend is Chinese.

You thought l"d be upset.

I don"t mind having a little

Rice Krispies on my plate.

That means she know how

to pan-fry this noodle.

- She"s not Chinese.

- Then what"s going on? Watch yourself.

Chinese or not, she could still

snuggle up on these egg rolls.

You know what l"m saying?

They lower in fat.

See, that"s the reason why

l"II never take your ass nowhere.

You take me everywhere.

If I was a girl, we"d be dating.

Rushon"s friend is cute, right?

Oh, he"s cute enough.

No, no, no. You said he was cute.

L"m not asking you to have

the man"s baby.

Just run a little interference for me.

Know what l"m saying?

Okay.

But he does have class, though, right?

You know I do not mess with anyone

that does not have class.

Trust me. He is in a class

all by hisself.

Yo, man, what kind of name

is Lystie anyway?

It"s short for Lysterine.

That"s motherfucking mouthwash.

What"s up with these wack-ass names?

I went out with this girl named Genoria,

but she spelled it like "gonorrhoea."

I can"t put that on a postcard.

It"s Lysterine with a Y, not an I.

Oh, that makes all the difference

in the world, Rushon.

The point is

you"re doing this for me.

L"ve been going out with Nikki

for seven weeks...

Seven weeks?

And you ain"t hit that ass yet?

Hey, man, I like her, okay?

"Hey, man, I like her, okay?"

Nikki, why are you taking so long?

- I can"t go out like this.

- Here we go. Like what?

My cleavage is hanging out.

Cleavage?

I just don"t wanna send out

the wrong signal.

I think anyone that"s put up with you for

seven weeks deserves some nay-nay.

- Oh, really?

- Nikki...

...why are you making Rushon

wait so long?

He seems like he"s a good man.

He"s got a career. He treats you nice.

I know.

I just wanna make sure

that he"s the right one.

Just don"t leave me alone with him.

Sounds like he"s not the only one

feeling the seven-week itch.

It is not even like that.

You better watch that smile, then.

- Can we please go?

- All right.

This is how I peep the situation,

like this.

I think that college got you

too sensitive.

- Sensitive?

- You ain"t got no player left in you.

If I was you, I wouldn"t let the sun rise

without tagging that ass.

If it was me, l"d have that ass bouncing

like a low rider in a Dr. Dre video.

I say, " Miss Nikki, tonight is the night.

It"s a one-time offer."

She wanna give it to you tomorrow,

you say, " No, tomorrow"s too late."

- It"s not that simple.

- Not for somebody who"s slipping.

- Put me in the players" section.

- L"m not slipping.

You slipping like a motherf***er.

Look, Nikki and I are gonna

do our thing tonight.

She knows it, and I know it.

I don"t know why I disrespected you.

But you"re a gambling man, right?

Why don"t you put your money

where your mack is.

I won"t bet money

on something like that.

We don"t have to bet money.

Let"s just make it a gentleman"s bet.

We"re gentlemen, right?

- Not gonna let this go?

- Come on, big daddy...

...big player, big pimp, big baller.

There you go, that"s my boy.

You go the f*** on.

He"s celebrating his bar mitzvah.

He just got circumcised.

Go on with your food.

Oh, Rushon. It"s so good

to see you this evening.

And who is your friend?

Hello. My name is Chan,

and l"m here to serve you tonight.

Hey, brother. Rushon?

Chan, we"re waiting on

our dinner guests.

I think your hair is three things:

Fa-bu-Ious.

Well, I got three things for you:

Back up, Yoko Ono.

Oh, nigga, please.

They"re here.

Look, these girls got a lot of class.

So act like you got a little bit of sense.

Like you got a mama. Like you

wasn"t mixed up in some test tube.

We should move to a table

with better light.

- What"s wrong with the light here?

- I can"t get with ladies in muted light.

I need a good look.

Anybody can look good in dim light.

How many times you go to a club,

and under the disco lights...

...the girl look good?

You having a good time.

But the next day you go to pick her up.

You"re all happy and sh*t.

But it"s high noon.

She comes out the house...

...and a f***ing sea donkey

climbs into your car.

I believe in a brother"s right to know

what the hell he"s feeding...

Man, just get up.

Lysterine, this is

Rushon"s friend, Bunz.

Hey, now, I was...

Excuse me.

What do you think you are doing?

Did you see that tarantula-hair fool?

Motherf***er look like Predator.

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