Booty Call Page #2

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It"s just dinner. Some egg rolls, mu shu,

and we out. Girl, why are you tripping?

She don"t look like

she want my sh*t, man.

No, she"s on you. She"s just nervous.

- It"s a blind date. All right?

- All right. Right.

Everybody"s got a weakness.

Who knows? You and Bunz

just might hit it off.

Bunz?

You blind-date me with

a little "hood-rat named Bunz?

Girl, have you lost your mind?

No. I can"t get

with a brother named Bunz.

No, but it"s Bunz with a Z, not an S.

You never can be too ready.

Just do this for me, please.

- You owe me.

- Big-time. Now, let"s roll.

Ladies, you look good.

So, what"s up?

- Nothing.

- Are we ready to order?

- I am. I want the shrimp fried rice.

- Make that two, please.

Perfect, and I will have the prawns

in garlic sauce.

And you, Miss Thang?

- Excuse me?

- You got her with the "Miss Thang."

You eating or just looking?

Okay, boyfriend. I want a lobster tail

in butter-wine sauce.

And we girls want a bottle of Mot.

Damn, girl, why you gotta order

the most expensive sh*t on the menu?

- Rushon, you need to check your boy.

- Check my ass.

That"s what l"m talking about,

is the check.

Now, the lobster don"t even have

a price. It just says "seasonal."

So you know what that means,

a brother gotta pay $28.

And if I get you lobster and some Mot,

you know what"s happening after that.

No, what does happen?

L"m going deep-sea diving.

Bunz, this is a platinum card.

I could buy and sell

your ashy black, blue-collared ass.

- Is that right?

- Yes, it is.

Well, lookie here.

- What is that?

- It"s a gold gas card.

That means I can buy

all the gas I want...

...in all 50 states

and 11 foreign countries.

And I got platinum privileges too.

Because, you know, if you buy enough

gas, they give you coffee mugs.

A gas card?

You don"t even got a car.

Why you putting me on front street?

L"II have you to know that I laid away

a "68 Chevy Super Sport...

...with a 427-cubic inch twin cam

with a Hurst gearshift.

Sounds like a man who has some

serious doubts about his manhood.

Those cars are nothing but extensions

of your penis or lack thereof.

Yeah. You"re right,

because my dick is only two inches...

...from the ground.

Isn"t he grand?

Can"t get a brother"s order straight.

Look, I ordered shrimp fried rice.

Can I get some shrimp?

Oh, there is one shrimp there

and another shrimp here.

What"s with the green leafy stuff? You

trying to fool a brother with shrubbery.

Child, that"s garnishment.

Make your food look good.

What will make my food look good

is five extra shrimp.

I thought there was no smoking

in this restaurant.

- L"II take care of this.

- Bunz, sit down.

That"s the notorious Ug Lee,

the godfather of the Leuang Triad.

He runs Chinatown.

Yeah, I know, I got all his albums.

L"II tell him you said what"s up.

I know you impressed.

You probably thought

I was just a common "hood-rat, huh?

I didn"t know you spoke Chinese.

Wasn"t like I could speak it

to your ass.

- Where"d you learn?

- Watching kung fu movies.

Me and my father, we always watched

kung fu movies.

- Our TV didn"t have a vertical hold.

What l"d do is, l"d get the kung fu

videos and listen to them.

Bit by bit, I started understanding

them motherfuckers.

One time I went to

the Chinese laundry...

...and all the sh*t that sounded like,

"Ping, ting, pang"...

...started making sense.

So why didn"t y"all just buy a new TV?

Everybody ain"t got

no platinum card.

You know, there is some poor folk

out in the world.

How"s your shrimp, baby?

He ain"t got no shrimp over there.

Oh, here"s one.

You can have it, baby.

Oh, my goodness, you whipped.

That boy is whipped.

You know what?

You need to pay attention and learn.

All he did was gave you

a old crusty-ass shrimp.

There"s that"hood-rat

emerging again.

No fighting in restaurant.

Cost you extra to fight in restaurant.

F*** me?

- My mother?

- My mother?

Suck these fortune-cookie nuts

and read your future...

You are a horse-mouth b*tch

motherf***er.

I will stick my elbow

sideways up your ass.

Hold this for me, baby. Thank you.

Bring it. Send it.

All that, now. That ain"t nothing

but some old beginner"s luck.

- Here"s a little cleavage for mommy.

- Thank you.

Cleavage? She needs a whole...

- Well, anyway...

- See, that"s why you"re losing.

Yeah, l"m losing, but I ain"t lost.

So nice. So sweet. Give it up, nigga.

L"m in the money. What? We in

the money. Got a little cleavage here.

Beginner"s luck, huh?

Sh*t happens.

You tripping.

L"m tripping?

- It"s a little messy in here.

- Girl, don"t even worry about it.

- It"s a little messy in here.

- Girl, don"t even worry about it.

- It"s about to get real messy. Ready?

- L"m gonna do my thing. Here we go.

Excuse me, but where do you two

think you"re going?

Thought l"d put on some mood music

so we could dance a little bit.

I think you have done enough

dancing for tonight.

Come on, you got the ambience here.

You know how we do it, girl.

Look, the only reason why we

came up here is to play some cards.

After that, you two are going home.

Dog, if you don"t... What is it?

L"m going to kick your ass.

Leave Killa alone. He does live here,

and you are just visiting, Bunz.

Well, if we was really in China,

l"d have his ass honey-roasted.

Play, Nikki.

- Somebody"s cheating.

- Something"s going on.

- I wish something was going on.

- Y"all are just mad...

...because you losing.

I heard that, Rushon.

- Caught you slipping again.

- Oh, that"s funny to y"all?

A guy with a girl for seven weeks,

don"t get no intimacy, and that"s funny?

Maybe the girl wants a relationship

and isn"t interested in casual sex.

Maybe the girl wants

a deeper commitment.

Maybe the girl wants a soul mate.

Maybe the girl got

some soul-searching to do.

Maybe got a brother uptown

with a 9-inch ding-dong...

...knocking the bottom out your ass.

- Shut up!

- I think it"s a legitimate question.

If I was going out with a girl for seven

weeks, know what she"d be doing?

She"d be playing the meat flute.

Riding the bologna pony.

Eating tube steak, but you gotta work

a little for the gravy.

Can I get some?

Excuse me.

Thanks so much

for sharing that with us.

L"ve been trying to share this big

paloosa with you all night, but you...

Oh, boy, am I getting tired.

Ain"t you tired, Bunz?

You know what,

l"m getting tired myself.

- It is getting a little late, though.

- Lystie.

Nikki. It is getting late.

Look, since y"all tired,

and we definitely tired...

...y"all go ahead.

We can kick it here.

No, let"s still play cards.

Ain"t nobody going nowhere.

- So, Lystie.

- What?

Can I ask you a hypothetical question?

Have you ever made a brother wait

seven weeks to get up on that thing?

Why are you asking her? She ain"t

never made a man wait 30 minutes.

Do I smell a whore?

No, see, I have full confidence

in my sexuality.

And I don"t toil over it,

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