Booty Call Page #3

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unlike some prudes that I know.

- Prude?

- Prude.

Oh, see, I am nobody"s prude.

I just don"t wanna rush into having sex.

And, see, that may be hard

for you to understand.

Oh, really? Well, you might

be able to understand that...

...if you cleared away those cobwebs

from your coochie.

Coochie cobwebs?

- Why don"t we just deal.

- Don"t stop now. I wanna see them box.

Let"s get ready to rumble!

What"s up?

Y"all ready for another one?

L"d rather be shopping.

Well, where is the love in this room?

I got plenty of love,

I just can"t seem to get to it.

Do you ever stop?

No. I don"t ever stop.

- Oh, really?

- Really.

So are we gonna play cards or what?

Oh, girl...

...your feet are kind of strong,

but the softest feet in the world.

Damn, man!

Get those big, jungle-rot,

alligator feet off mine!

You could snatch a salmon

with them eagles" claws!

Big old cheese knots...

Damn, something winked at me.

Feet look like they played

soccer with wolves.

Get your feet off me, man.

Look like monkey hands.

Well...

Suck it. Oh, yes...

Oh, you gonna play

with a brother"s ass.

You the MVP. A little lower.

Hit me on the taint.

It "t"ain"t" the ass

and it "t"ain"t" the lip.

Man, you talk about toe jam.

Let me get my head together.

L"m about to cramp up.

I got a little cramp in my leg.

You got any napkins?

You know, I think I left

my gas on in my stove.

- Bunz, you know how to work a pilot?

- Yeah.

Lystie, your stove"s

not even hooked up yet.

You know what,

and speaking of remodelling...

...l"ve got some paint samples

that I need to mix.

Do you think you can assist me?

I sure the f*** could, girl.

That"s my sh*t. Let"s go.

Hold up. Excuse me.

Where do you guys think you"re going?

- Nikki, we are gonna head on out.

- You ain"t even played the hand yet.

- We just did.

- We just did.

- Ciao.

- Lystie, wait a minute...

- Woman, mind your business.

- No, wait...

Give me that.

Oh, yes.

Oh, baby. All you got to do

is tell me how you like it.

Oh, no, baby, you might think

l"m freaky.

I don"t think you"re freaky.

It really turns me on

when a man can do impressions.

- Imitations.

- Imitations?

Imitations, yeah.

Like, powerful men.

Men of authority.

Men like Jesse Jackson.

- Jesse Jackson?

- Yes.

- Do Jesse.

- Hands that used to pick cotton...

...can now pick the president?

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, sh*t.

The rhinoceros, though not as prolific

as others in the animal kingdom...

...is nonetheless as enthusiastic.

Watch as the 4000-pound beast

rises to the occasion.

Wax that 4000-pound ass.

Killa, stop that. No!

Oh, it"s all right.

He"s only human, right?

How come you didn"t pet Killa

when Bunz was here?

I think he"s a bad influence on you.

I do.

Just let me say that

the ass is round.

And you know that l"m down,

bipartisan.

And we can work it to the ground.

When I hit the skins, we can both join

together and say, "I am somebody."

- I am. Somebody.

- I am. Somebody.

- Say it loud. I am...

- I am...

...somebody. Hallelujah.

...somebody. Somebody!

- Smack my ass!

- Hallelujah!

Do you know how sweet you are?

How nice you are?

Then your boys come around,

it"s like,"What"s up, nigga?"

Now, who you checking for? Me...

...or Bunz?

- You.

- L"m the heavyweight boxing champ.

- Yes, Michael.

- I don"t care what people think.

- Yes, Michael.

- It"s ludicrous how soft your skin is.

- It"s soft for you, baby.

Reminds me of the leather

on my first gloves.

Work it.

- It makes me wanna work out.

- Work it, Mike.

Just work it, Mike!

- Yes, work it!

- Oh, you"re so vicious!

Work it! Work it! Work it!

- Wait.

- What? What? What?

Rushon, do you have a condom?

I want this, I just don"t wanna die for it.

- Condom?

- Yes.

Yeah, I got a condom right in the coat.

You want a condom?

I got a condom right here.

Right here, just like I said.

Here you go. Safe sex.

Here we go, girl. L"II do my thing.

Wait. Stop. Stay.

Come here, baby.

I would like to take my time

while l"m knocking the boots.

Go, Bill.

First, I start with the breasts because

nipples are so chocolatey and smooth.

And then I work my way on down

to the love triangle.

You like it. L"m kissing it

and licking it...

...and thinking about sticking it.

When I get there,

it"II be smooth and creamy...

...just like the Jell-O pudding.

Give me this goddamn condom,

you little...

Rushon!

There you go.

A dog"s mouth is cleaner

than a human"s.

- Rushon.

- You thought l"d use this on you...

...after it"d been in the dog"s mouth?

L"II go ahead and get me another one.

Don"t be kicking my dog.

Oh, you go, Bill.

Have your little somethin"-somethin"

and a smile.

Feel it, yes. Feel it. Feel it. Oh, yes.

Hey, Bunz, you got any condoms?

Stardate 2102:

L"m without contraceptives,

so please leave me the f*** alone.

Damn.

So she was really doing it with Bunz?

Sounded more like Bill Cosby

up in there.

Lysterine always has been

a little kinky.

- L"II call her.

- No.

Come on, let the boy do what he do.

And l"m gonna do what I do.

Sh*t, it"s throwing me off. Hold on.

- Let me listen.

- Longevity has its place.

I may not get to the mountaintop

with you, but I have a dream.

I have a dream too.

I have a dream that one day,

every valley shall be explored.

Explored.

Every hill and every mountain

shall be fondled.

I have a dream

that all the rough places...

...will be laid smooth and all

the crooked places laid straight.

Lay it straight!

And I can look down upon

the voluptuous woman and say:

- What you gonna say?

- " L"II wax that ass! L"II wax that ass.

- Lord have mercy, l"II wax that ass!"

- Say it, brother!

L"II go bananas

up in that rump shaker.

Lystie, what are you

over there doing?

- Nikki. Nothing.

- Nothing, my ass...

I know you are not having unprotected

sex with Martin Luther King.

Unsafe sex can be deadly.

You know that.

Nik, Dr. King"s

about to rock my world.

Girl, have you lost your mind?

You don"t know Bunz.

You don"t know where he came from.

- You better go get you a condom.

- Nikki.

You take a hard look at Bunz

and tell me you don"t need a condom.

I ain"t got nothing to do with this.

What"s the problem?

We going to do this, or what?

Bunz, l"m sorry.

Don"t even worry about it.

Let"s just go get the condoms.

- No, it is not what you think.

- Yes, it is.

Nikki"s about to get her groove on.

No, no, no. See, I told him

he can go to the store...

...pick up some condoms,

and that"s it.

Let"s just do what we gotta do.

I was doing what I had to do.

I don"t know about you, but I was

doing everything I had to do...

...to get what I needed to do done.

You"re gonna give the brother the keys

to the car and not let him drive it?

Why are you asking all these questions,

Miss All-Up-in-My-Business?

What are you gonna be doing?

Would you really like to know?

- Oh, God. I don"t even wanna know.

- No.

Since you asked, I feel I should be

at liberty to share it with you.

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