Bordering on Bad Behavior

---

What do you call

a good looking Arab?

What the f***?

Thanks, mate.

Who are we escorting next,

habibi?

Put it this way...

It's a pencil-pushing tight-ass prick

you would love to punch the f*** out of,

the Defense Minister.

Ah, sh*t!

He's the reason we got no decent

fresh food in this place.

He keeps cutting the budget, pretty soon

we'll be throwing rocks like your mob!

Ha, ha, ha.

Your last deployment mate.

Going to miss you, Baz.

This place is gonna be

damn boring without you!

Ah, you'll find another Arab to

take the piss out of, I'm sure!

Yeah, but not a half Arab.

Hold your tongue or I'll stick

this rifle up your ass, wanker!

Yeah, you'd like that, hey!

- What the f*** is that?!

- Sir!

Sergeant Smith and I will be your escorts

to the U.S. Green Zone this morning, sir.

- ETA 20 mikes.

- What?

Ah, it will take us 20 minutes to

get to the American base, sir.

Yeah, of course.

What happened to all our

Black Hawk helicopters?

Well, sir, ah...

All the Black Hawks are

currently down at the moment,

well, with all the budget cuts.

You see that flak jacket

you're wearing, sir?

Yeah?

It has no armored plating.

A bullet would go

straight through that.

It's true, I'm using it as a

window shield in my room.

Well, you blokes do realize that

there is a recession going on, right?

Yes sir, we understand that.

But with all due respect,

it's just hard to do our job when

our equipment's falling apart.

What the f*** was that?!

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that

too much, sir.

It was nothing.

What do you f***ing mean,

"nothing?"

That thing just shat its pants!

Well, sir...

due to the budget cuts,

the thing that just shat its pants,

is the only thing we have

to get us where we're going.

Is it safe?

Yes sir, it's safe.

We'll get you back to your

recession in one piece.

Might be a good idea to stop

cutting the budget,

- right sir?

- F*** me...

New flak jackets and

helicopters for everyone.

Right on!

About time, you f***ing wanker.

Abdallah!

The pride of the Golani Brigade.

Yeah, not yet.

The pricks won't let me back,

till I pass my psych test.

That's because you... need to

stop head-butting brick walls.

You still taking your meds?

Don't need them.

Sh*t!

You got to chill out, man.

They are living in Haifa,

they are both retired.

Actually, his wife used to

babysit me and my brother.

I don't like the look of him.

Have fun looking at a screen

and try not to kill anyone.

F*** you, you goddamn cook!

Hey, I love my job!

What a beautiful day.

What a f***ing sh*t hole!

Damn.

Don't be closing

that door there.

How else am I gonna tan this

beautiful body of a man, huh?

What?

You heard me.

Good arm there, boy.

Now...

Don't be closing the door.

You hear me?

Welcome!

You must be Ari?

You're one friendly motherf***er,

you ever hear that?

This place is a sh*t fight.

I've never seen a comm's center

run so goddamn poorly.

Settle down, Justin Timberlake,

that's the way

thing's run up here.

You need to get with

the program, okay.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

Well, I want to talk to the

officer in charge, right now.

Well, let me get right on that.

Okay, son?

They told me about you.

You're that snapperhead

with no personality.

You listen to me!

I'm a special forces soldier of

the Golani Brigade! You hear me?

Uh-uh, you were!

You're a f***ing nobody.

Now you listen up, cocksucker.

Imma be leavin' this shithole

tomorrow morning,

so I'll be cussing...

and uh, drinking and calling

you a cocksucker, okay?

Now uh...

You see them three bars...

here, on my beautiful shirt?

That means, I'm Captain...

Officer.

And by the looks of things,

you're just a f***ing grunt, so...

That means, I...

am the officer...

in charge.

- Impossible.

- Ah...

Uh-uh, the Israeli officer wasn't

feeling well, so they sent him home.

So, it's just you and me, motherf***er,

until tomorrow morning, okay?

Get your bag, get back

in your hooch,

get suited and booted right now.

F*** off!

Ah, this is going to be fun.

Ah look, it's Aunty Samira!

So... how's mom?

She's good, yeah, she's still

busy with the caf.

Never stop's working.

She's a workaholic, alright.

So when are you leaving the

village and heading back home?

Australia?

This is where I belong.

Nice uniform, wanker!

Did your wife iron it for ya?

Habibi Bassam!

Still patrolling the border?

I am now in charge of a platoon.

Woohoo, big man!

Pride of the Lebanese Army.

So... tonight...

You come with me.

- Where to?

- Kfar Kila.

Why would I want

to go there for?

You are Lebanese, Baz, be proud.

Your father fought

for this land, yeah?

- And?

- You should go...

The girls will be fine here.

Get out and smell the fresh air

around here.

Fresh air, huh?

- We'll only be gone for a few hours?

- Of course.

I even have a uniform for you.

Uniform?!

She puts up with your sh*t?

The wife must always respect

and obey the man.

Oh, that's right, I forgot,

we're still in the village.

This is how you treat your wife?

In front of our friends?

A real man would treat me

like a princess!

Look at Baz,

how he treat Jewels.

I'm sorry princess,

please forgive me.

You are so beautiful.

She's beautiful, ah, yeah?

I love you.

Later I give you nice massage.

What, are we going on a picnic,

mate?

- What's the camera for?

- Surveillance.

Does this thing

have night vision?

You two love-birds

going camping, or what?

Jewels, my cousin!

Maz, the sleaze!

Sleaze?

I like this name!

We go on border patrol

of Israel tonight.

Don't worry, I will

look after Bassam.

What do you think, babe?

We have fun!

Take me to Australia with you,

please, cousin.

I would love to go.

I hear the people there are

nice and weather is beautiful.

Ya, Sydney, Melbourne...

Gold Coast, Sea World...

Dreamworld, kangaroo!

You sound like

a tourism commercial.

When your English gets a bit better

and you come out to Australia,

I'll get you a job in the caf.

Habibi Bassam!

Thank you.

Take it easy with the hugs,

mate.

People will think we're gay.

Patrol Unit 1, respond.

There's an urgent request

made by the CO.

He needs cigarettes.

Check my locker,

there's a carton in there.

We already did.

You better not be

drinking my Araq.

Too late... Just get some

cigarettes for the boss.

Over.

Shu, what's up?

I have to head back

to the base now.

Some sh*t job I must do.

What do you want me to do?

Listen, habibi, I'll be gone

40 minutes tops, okay?

All you have to do is walk

in this direction

until you come across a house with

lots of those antennas on the roof.

You're taking the piss, right?

No, I don't need piss now.

When you get there just

knock on the door,

tell them you're my cousin,

give them this.

I don't know a word of Arabic and you're

asking me to walk into a Lebanese Army base?

Why do Australians

worry about everything?

You're sending me on a tour

that has the Israeli soldiers

looking at me

through their scopes.

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