Bordering on Bad Behavior Page #2

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Don't worry.

Here, take my pistol,

it's an old 9mm.

Just follow

the yellow brick road.

You know,

from The Wizard of the Oz.

Yeah, thanks Dorothy, dumb-ass.

Dumb-ass?

I like this word.

Gay, dumb-ass.

Very nice words.

You teach me more.

Anyone home?

Ah, Ari!

How many times I gotta tell ya,

not to close that goddamn door?!

Bob, what the f*** are you

doing on the floor?

Shut up.

Okay man, okay man.

You speak English?

Just untie me and you can

walk free, my friend, okay?

Hey Druze boy...

You hear me, you f***ing...!

You f***ing hear me?!

What's your name?

Oh!

Ah, Bob.

And that cock-head over there

is named ah...

Ari.

Listen, mate...

I was on my way to

grandma's house, and got lost...

and ended up here.

So if I'm a guest in your home,

- I need you to be nice so we can resolve this little matter.

- Sure my friend...

We can have a cup of tea

and watch a little TV.

Huh, what do you think?

Don't be smart.

You're f***ing English

or Arabic?

Australian Lebanese.

Australian Lebanese, okay,

so let me get this right.

You crossed the Lebanese-

Israeli border,

without anyone seeing you.

You're Australian Lebanese...

You walked into a top secret

Israeli communication base,

and you've taken two prisoners!

Yeah, that sounds about right.

What the f*** happened, huh?

Work it out, f***-stick!

We've been captured.

Where the f*** were you, Bob?!

Uh...

Shu?

No, I was grabbing a beer...

and um, I got punched

in the face by this...

this here nice gentleman

with the gun.

F***ing Americans...

Everything is a f***ing party,

right?!

- What?

- Homecoming!

Miller time.

Well as you can see...

we have a crazy Australian Arab

with us tonight!

An Aussie?

Hey, you from the penal colony?!

You're a goddamn criminal, huh?

Jesus, Bob, when God

was giving out brains,

you clearly thought they were

milk shakes!

You make fun of my goddamn middle name

one more time, I'll bite off your nose!

What's your name, Arab?

Steady on with that Arab thing.

My name is Baz and I work

for nobody, alright?

You know Baz,

we have plenty of room for

pussies like you in our prisons.

You're in Israel, motherf***er!

No one fucks with us, got it?!

Shut the f*** up!

Boys please, for the love

of God, shut up.

Hey, hey, hey,

relax with the guns,

guns ain't funs.

What do you say

we have a few beers?

You Aussies love a cold one,

right? Yeah?

- Gimme a f***ing second!

- Sure, sure.

Alright, listen...

Bob...

That sounds good to me.

But no bullshit, alright?

I am no threat to you.

I just walked in

the wrong f***ing door.

Kind sir, if you would be so nice and

go over here and cut my cable tie,

I could get up

and get us some beers.

I just don't want to die today

or tomorrow.

Alright.

Don't cut off my hand, please.

But not you, Ari.

You have to calm

your sh*t down first!

Who the f*** gave you

all the power?

Just because you got a gun,

don't you think you're getting

out of this situation scott-free.

Hey, steady on mate.

- Alright, let's just tone it down a notch.

- F***!

Now, I know that your

adrenaline is pumping,

and the red mist is f***ing with your ability

to process this situation right now.

But I urge you to calm

your sh*t down.

Piece of sh*t.

This guy is off the charts.

There you go.

Ari, Ari...

Relax.

Yeah okay, fat man.

Fat man? I'm not fat.

Hey look...

Let me ask you

the same question.

Who gave you all the power?

Who gave me the power?

You're in my country,

you American idiot!

Go invade some other

weak-ass country!

Get your head out of your ass,

and clean the sh*t from your

ears, and hear me soldier.

Because when the sh*t

hits the fan

and it gets a little

rough out there,

all you pussies,

and you're all pussies...

you call the good ol' U.S. of A.

To save your f***ing asses.

It's your lucky day!

You can choose two cupcakes,

okay?

This one and...

Baby, I'm just gonna go out

for some fresh air, okay?

Oh, you mean a cancer stick?

Some people call it that.

I call it fresh air.

You sure?

What about that one?

- And this one.

- Mm-hm.

And that one.

How's it goin'?

Jewels baby, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, we're okay.

Oh God, you're hurt!

Listen, stay here

and don't move.

Sarah, gimme your mobile phone.

Wait, where are you going?

Get back.

Stay down, stay down.

Somebody please help me!

She was in the bomb blast.

Yes, yes tell me what happened?

Looks like she clipped

a femoral artery, hurry.

Hurry!

Where are you from?

What kind of question is that?

Are you Israeli?

What does it matter

where I'm from?

An old lady might die, and

you're asking where I'm from?

Yes, I want to know where

you come from.

Australia, you happy?!

You look Arabic.

Are you an Arab?

- You know an Arab did this.

- I don't know who the f*** did this,

- I know an Arab tried to save her life!

- Baz!

- Are you ok?

- I'm good.

Where's Lisa?

Uh, she's uh...

You're with this terrorist?

You bastard,

he's not a f***ing terrorist.

You're married to an Arab?

F*** you, terrorist!

F*** you!

So, Baz...

What's your story, huh?

I joined the Australian Army

back in '01.

I served in Afghanistan

and Iraq as a commando.

I discharged...

under a week ago.

I'm visiting my father who lives

about five kilometers from here.

How's that working out

for you, man?

Not so good, actually, Ari.

Don't mind him.

I was tagging along with my

cousin on a night patrol,

and I got lost and somehow

ended up here.

Talk about being in the wrong

place at the wrong time, huh?

This is retarded!

I am getting the f***

out of here!

Sayonara, d*ckheads!

Ari, you need to get

your head checked.

Bob, good luck, mate.

- Get the f*** out of my country!

- I'm f***ing trying mate!

- You can't leave, Baz!

- Bullshit, Bob!

You locked the front door,

which means you locked us all

in here for the next six hours.

You're making no sense,

sunshine.

It's a time-lock door Baz,

for security reasons.

It will automatically open

after six hours

or a soldier with a code from

the outside can get in, see?

- See the clock?

- That just makes no f***ing sense!

What makes sense in the

military, huh?

Well, I don't know?

A f***ing key?

Only a patrol

with the code number

can get in and the key went home with

the Israeli officer. So there you go.

What happens if there's a fire

or one of you nutters

decides to go all

Bowling for Columbine?

Well, a**hole, it's our duty

to stay locked in.

That's because you're pussies!

Why was the door unlocked

in the first place?

'Cause Bob wanted to tan

his beautiful body of a man!

That's true, that is true.

But we always leave

the door open, I mean...

nothing ever happens here.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

We're pretty much f***ed,

aren't we, right?

When that door opens,

I'm firing the first shot.

With any luck, I can make a run

for the border.

It's either that or I'm dead.

If you do that...

Israel will attack

Lebanon and...

anybody else she views

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