Borderland

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Police!

Police!

Too bad.

Let's check the back.

There's nobody here.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

It's open.

There's nobody, Ulises.

Look.

Take a look at this.

Santeria.

Except for the mouth.

Looks like blood.

Let's have it checked out.

Find something that connects him

with the Vasquez cartel.

Good.

Ulises!

Ulises!

I think I found something else.

And it looks human!

Now can we please

get the f*** out of here?

Polical

Come out now!

Looks like they moved out in a hurry.

Son of a b*tch must have known

we were coming.

They came out of nowhere, Ulises.

Your jails can't hold us.

And your bullets can't hurt us.

We just want to talk to Santillan.

You're too late.

He turned into a bird...

and flew away.

No! No! No!

No! No!

No!

No!

No! No!

Ulises.

Ulises... Help me.

Cowardly sons of b*tches.

So what do we do with these?

Take them up to the farm.

Papa wants a cop's eyes for his Nganga.

Finish him.

Me?

Prove yourself, Luis.

Prove yourself.

Or should I tell Papa you

didn't have the balls?

Please... Leave him alone...

Leave him alone.

Leave him alone,

you son of a b*tch!

Leave him alone!

Open your eyes.

- No!

- Open your eyes.

No, you sick bastard!

Papa wants you to watch...

and tell your cop buddies...

who did this.

Noooo!

Poor people are poor

because they're lazy.

You know what? F*** the poor.

F*** 'em, all right?

What, it's my problem that somebody

can't compete in the open market?

We're supposed to help

the disadvantaged.

Boo-f***in'- hoo. My old man,

he was a mechanic, okay?

A grease monkey his whole life.

Now, in two days,

I'm off to the Wharton School.

Two years, I got my MBA,

and the world is my oyster.

You're an inspiration

to us all.

Can we go now?

Some primo sticky

for my beautiful lefty friend.

Hey, why don't you,

uh, stick around?

You coming?

Bye, Henry.

We gotta bail

this f***in' summer camp.

Did you find Ed?

No.

But I did watch some guy

nail Courtney Anderson.

Oh, yeah?

That's practically

a rite of passage.

Yeah, well, I haven't.

Right. That's 'cause

your head's been filled

with all that wack

fire and brimstone sh*t.

It's not wack, Henry.

Yo, where the f*** is Eddie?

I wanna get to the border

by noon.

Hey!

Ed! Eddie!

Dude, where ya been?

We've been looking for you

all night.

Hey, stop worrying.

You're doing the right thing.

Sh*t! No way!

- You f***ing maniac!

- Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!

- What the f***'s wrong with you?

- Whoo!

F***!

Lmagine a land, if you will,

where a man can be a man.

A land where he can

indulge in all

those animal urges,

far from the petty judgments

of parents and teachers

and less-enlightened peers.

A land where he can

ride the demon!

- Yeah!

- Behave bad!

- Bad!

- Whatever he goddamn well pleases,

and no one gives a sh*t,

including the cops.

Tell it, Brother Henry!

- I'm talking real freedom, my friend!

- Real freedom!

Not this overregulated bullshit that

passes for liberty in our country.

Hell, no!

Let's go to the border!

Mexico.

We leave right now,

we hit Manzanita

right about the time

the strip joints open.

- I'm gonna get laid.

- You're kidding.

I finally convinced

our upstanding minister's son

- to get his cherry popped.

- Pop!

A truly blessed event.

Let's pray he doesn't

contract an STD.

Worrywart.

Fellas, say hello

to the senoritas for me.

Come on, man. You're not gonna

hang around here.

All right? All the poonsies are hooked up

or singing "Kumbaya" with the art fags.

Any other time,

I'm there, all right?

I just have a lot

on my mind.

You want a Zoloft, man?

I think I got one.

- I just wanna chill.

- Chill when you're dead, man.

Come on.

You're going off to Stanford.

I'm off to Penn.

Phil's off to wherever

the f*** he's going, right?

As your personal physician,

I insist you put that

big brain of yours to rest

and go a little nuts,

okay, for once.

Rise and shine, f*ggot.

Wharton, motherf***er!

Wharton!

Whoop-whoop, Wharton!

You're gonna be the first dealer

on your block with an MBA.

Yeah, f*** all that, man.

I'm getting out of pharmaceuticals.

Human cloning

is about to explode, dude.

Keep everything offshore,

do your marketing on the Internet.

Promise me you

won't clone yourself.

You know, when you get out of Stanford,

man, I could use you on my team.

What do you say?

Feel like being

a rich son of a b*tch?

Is that really

the best we can do?

What? Get rich?

Yeah.

We could do worse.

For example.

What's going on?

Well, your mother and I

were just discussing

how disappointed we were you couldn't

get into a decent law school.

What's wrong with Austin?

It's in the top 100.

One hundred what?

Oh! Hey!

Hot car!

Welcome to the happiest

place on Earth.

Hey, chickie!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, gringo, hello!

Welcome to Mexico. I have a surprise

for you, you know?

Three beers for a buck.

Hey, I have three VIP passes for you.

- Come on, eh?

- All right.

What's up?

Beautiful broads.

Let's go, my friend!

Welcome to Mexico. Hey!

Juan, I got three.

Can you believe this?

That chick back there

just asked me to go back

to her place and grind.

Why didn't I come down here

years ago?

Are you sure

this is what you want?

What, you mean,

uh, sex? Yeah.

But it's your first time.

Don't you want it

to mean something?

It does mean something.

I mean, you guys

are here, right?

What a Hallmark moment.

I'll be right back.

Hold on one minute.

Hola.

Una ms cerveza, por favor.

"Fabor. "

Pardon?

"Fabor. "

The V is pronounced

like a B.

"Fabor. Cerbeza. "

Sorry.

My Spanish sucks.

At least you can order a beer

at a strip club.

What else

do you need to know?

She wants 80 for an hour,

and she'll do anal.

Anal?

Who said I want anal?

Well, you got a problem

with anal?

No, I...

You asked her that?

She's a professional, okay?

If I'm paying for her services,

I think I have a right

to know what they include.

She's barely 17, okay?

She's practically

a virgin herself.

Do not pass this up, okay?

I want you

to have a good time.

I want you to grow up.

I want you to be a man.

Hey, wait a minute.

This is for you.

But you already know that.

- I'm talking to you!

- Let me go!

- Now, a**hole.

- F***ing b*tch!

Why don't you chill, man?

She's no pro.

It's okay.

I can handle it.

It's okay.

This dickless f*ggot

more your type, Valeria?

F*** off, Gilberto.

You think you have the balls

for this girl?

I ask you something.

You deaf?

What the f***'s

your problem, man?

Ow! Sh*t!

That was pretty stupid.

At least now you have a great

story to tell your friends.

What? That I got my ass kicked?

No. How you came to the aid of a poor

and defenseless woman.

Yeah, right.

If it ever gets boring

around here,

you could bat cleanup

for the Astros.

You know, my ex-husband,

he hated the fact

that I could handle myself.

Let me guess.

That's why he's your ex.

I left him,

and I moved here

to Manzanita.

Can I buy you

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