Bowfinger

Bowfinger International Pictures.

This is Cherisse from AT&T.

We're wondering if your payment

for $5.43 has gone astray. Call us.

Just a reminder.

We no longer need access to

your residence to disconnect your phone.

Great script.

Betsy, it's now or never.

We are gonna make a movie.

- Bowfinger International Pictures.

- It's Carol.

How do I say this? I have an offer

to go to Edmonton to do Cats.

It's a small role, but I've got to take it.

- You keep promising me...

- No!

...but it's been 8 months.

- Carol, don't take that job.

We're gonna make a motion picture.

I promise you.

- But you've promised before.

- I know.

- Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

- I can't afford...

- Please!

- But you always...

This is Dave. Beep comin'.

Dave, can you get me

a Mercedes tomorrow?

I want you to find out when

and where Jerry Renfro is having lunch.

Just do it. Don't think about it.

You're my buddy.

Come on.

- Hello?

- Afrim? It's Bowfinger. Great script.

You wrote a great script.

Your accounting days are over.

He likes my script!

Afrim? Afrim?

- Be here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

- Yes, Boss.

- Slater.

- Who is this?

- Bowfinger.

- 'Bye.

Don't hang up. Be here tomorrow at 10:00.

- That's early.

- Big meeting, 10:00 a.m. Please?

You believe in me, don't you, Betsy?

First of all, thank you for coming.

I know things have been a little slow.

- Very slow.

- Slow and low.

Let him speak.

We are not the big guys.

We are the little guys.

We never had muscle before,

but now we do.

Because last night I read a screenplay...

...that every studio in town

is going to want.

And how did we get this screenplay?

Because Afrim here...

...is a damn fine writer,

and accountant and part-time receptionist.

I said, "Afrim, if you can write

as well as you can add..."

I didn't have to finish my sentence.

Twelve days later

he hands me this masterpiece.

Thank you, Boss.

Tell them the title.

Chubby Rain.

What?

Chubby Rain. Tell them why.

- The aliens come to Earth in raindrops.

- Yeah!

Making the raindrops chubby.

Aliens in the raindrops.

At the end of this movie...

...when our hero, Keith Kincaid,

looks up at the alien antenna and says:

"Gotcha, suckers!"

I mean, that is a moment.

I don't know.

I'll close the deal today.

If I don't, you can go anywhere you want.

Come here.

See that FedEx truck?

Every day, it delivers important papers

to people around the world.

And one day, it is going to stop here...

...a man is going to walk up and casually

toss a couple of FedExes on my desk.

And at that moment, we...

...and by "we" I mean "me,"

will be important.

Now, today...

...I have a very important meeting

with Jerry Renfro.

If it goes the way I think it's gonna go,

I will see you at the Oscars.

Good job, Dave.

Return it in 45 minutes.

I'm supposed to wash it.

Has Renfro left?

Fifteen minutes ago.

He should be at the restaurant now.

If this goes like I think,

I'm making you cameraman.

Know what that means?

- You'd be living up to your promise?

- That's right.

If this movie gets made,

I'm giving you my van.

It is my van.

Could you seat me next to Jerry Renfro?

Thank you.

Tony, how are you?

No. Say the deal back to me.

Net net?

If I'm putting $85 million

into an avalanche movie...

...I gotta know where the snow is.

And it better be Aspen.

And what a**hole will direct.

We gotta get a director. Get me a list.

- The star has to be international.

- I need an international star.

- Who's my star?

- How about Kit Ramsey?

Kit Ramsey is the hottest,

sexiest action star in the world.

When I think of Kit Ramsey in this movie,

I get very comfortable.

Yeah, but I won't bid

against Flanehfastah...

...because even if Kit Ramsey's interested,

we might not want him.

Can you believe this? Now they try

to tell us who's gonna be in our movies.

Get me Kit. Get me Kit right now.

You don't put me on hold,

I put you on hold.

Put me on hold and you're a dead man.

How are you? Bobby Bowfinger,

Bowfinger Films.

- We worked on that thing years ago.

- What thing?

The... famous movie.

Hi, Kit. How are you?

My man! How's Dolores?

Good. You are first in line for the script.

- You can't be more first than first.

- Can I talk to him?

- Can I talk to Kit?

- Absolutely. Kit?

Got a surprise for you. Kit?

I'm losing you...

- Bad line?

- These cell phones are so bad.

Universal's begging me for this script.

They screwed me once.

You ought to take a look.

- It starts nice.

- It does, doesn't it?

- All this.

- Yeah. Right.

- "Gotcha, suckers!" That is a catch phrase.

- Isn't that good?

I just saw the poster.

Let's be risky today. I'm going with this.

You bring me this script and Kit Ramsey

and you got yourself a go picture, Bobby.

Okay. Thanks.

I love what you do. Here's my card.

Just keep that.

What was that?

"A go picture! A go picture!"

Do you know anyone who knows

Kit Ramsey?

Damn it! I'm the biggest black

action star in the world!

- Where's my "Hasta la vista, baby"?

- What?

If Arnold Schwarnzen-cracker

is gettin' to say lines like that...

...then I deserve equally well-written sh*t.

- The script has that moment.

- When?

You say, "I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff."

Then you push the guy right over the cliff.

But the audience has to know

the guy's name is Cliff, and he's on a cliff.

It's too cerebral. We're trying

to make a movie, not a film.

You're supposed to be the agent!

You better find me a line

like the time I told Tommy Lee Jones...

..."F*** you," and blew his brains out.

You know what's happening?

Another example of the white man

taking all the best catch phrases...

...and then giving them

to Arnold or Stallone.

Exactly. And Jackie Chan and Van Damme.

They can't even speak English good.

There's covert stuff goin' on.

Some covert sh*t I just found out.

I'm glad you're here. Come in here.

Right now, everybody. Come here.

- What you talkin' about?

- Just for fun...

...I scanned the script to see

how many times the letter "K" appears.

The letter "K" appears

in this script 1,456 times.

That's perfectly divisible by three.

- So what're you saying?

- What am I sayin'?

"KKK" appears in this script 486 times.

- The sickness is deep.

- He's playing you.

- I've been played.

- That's really not the case here.

This is a great script.

It's not Shakespeare, but...

- What'd you just say?

- I said, "It's not Shakespeare, but..."

It's not... Did you hear what he's doing?

He's doing something.

I just can't put my finger on it.

What's he doing?

- Shakespeare, Freddy.

- Shakespeare!

- "Shake-a-spear. Spear-chucker."

- "Shake-a-spear!"

I'm a spear-chucker now.

- Call me a spear-chucker.

- It doesn't mean that!

It's my imagination?

There's no computer chip

in LaToya Jackson's brain.

She just acts like that.

Teddy Kennedy ain't 1/16 black.

- Teddy Kennedy?

- He's different to the other Kennedys.

- I got some calls to make.

- Go make some calls. Call Arnold and Sly!

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote