Bowfinger Page #6

- I'll see you tonight at 8:00?

Okay.

There's someone who thinks

he should talk to you.

He says it concerns Kit Ramsey.

This is Bob, a Level Six.

He's been with us for four years.

There's something he wants to tell you.

- Jack, just taking her out for a wash.

- Okay.

We still have this one last scene,

the big ending or we don't have a movie.

- I know what else we don't have.

- What?

Permission.

Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea...

...he was in that vampire movie

till two years later?

Hello?

Hi, Jiff.

He's leaving his house at 4:45

to go to MindHead. Great work.

Now, we really need those pencils, buddy.

I will see you at the location.

We are about to shoot

the final scene in this movie.

I just talked with Kit. He is very excited.

So know your jobs. Don't screw up.

Let's go.

We have one hour to get there.

Make sure Slater has finished painting

that car! Let's go!

- Can I talk to you about the scene?

- Sure.

This is a hard scene for Kit.

He probably won't want

to get in that car with you.

He'll probably really resist

because of his character.

So you have to be very persuasive...

Because he doesn't know

he's in the movie.

I know what's going on.

I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.

I'm not mad.

- I'm working, aren't I?

- But...

Who told you?

We're packed and loaded.

Hi, honey.

Hi, sweetie. Will you make sure

my makeup case is in the van?

Let's hit it!

Anybody want a Frostee Freeze?

I look like I want

some damn Frostee Freeze?

Holy sh*t!

- Reverse it!

- I got it.

Hold on!

What the hell?

It's the dead guy!

Please don't let me die!

This is awesome!

It's going down!

Right now, it's going down.

I'm so glad you're here.

- I'm Kit Ramsey!

- That's Kit Ramsey.

You know who I am, right?

Please, one at a time. I can't hear you.

I'm Number 13 on Premiere's power list.

What are you doin'?

Tough guys like you

don't get far in this world.

We've been getting pursued

by alien forces!

Aliens!

I should never have slept with the alien

life form from the star system Neon!

Sh*t!

My gonads! My gonads!

Keith, there's only one way out of this.

Follow me!

Kiss you? Now?

Danger really turns you on!

Get in the car.

We must get to the alien antenna

before the summer solstice!

You best hurry! I'm Keith.

That way, Carol. This way.

Bill, we're here! Put the tripod there.

All right, ready?

We gotta eat.

How we could know if we're starving?

I needed love, love so strong,

but the alien embryos had already...

Hit the lights!

Action.

Get out!

There's the alien antenna.

That's where you must go to say,

"Gotcha, suckers!"

If you don't, we will all become pod people.

Cut! Let's move the camera.

They will impregnate everyone,

including the CIA and the FBI!

Soon as you're set,

start rolling on the stairwell.

In here!

They're all aliens worshipping

their false gods.

- Come on! Come on!

- No! No!

Keep running since you're

with the one person...

I got them.

Sh*t!

Cut to the stairwell.

Then I realized it was you

that I loved and...

The roof is your next shot.

Bastard! Bastard!

- No, no, I'm Keith!

- Bastard!

Stop it!

Stop it!

Sh*t!

She was from the planet Neon!

Don't bring that sh*t over here!

Put that down!

Cut! Okay, outside.

Drop that sh*t!

We must run. We have only 40 seconds!

This is it. We only need one shot.

Only one thing can stop them now.

- Lf you say, "Gotcha, suckers!"

- What?

- Put your hands right here.

- What?

Go! Cue the pyrotechnics.

Sh*t!

My God! It's time!

Look into the sky and say,

"Gotcha, suckers!"

Kincaid!

Gotcha, suckers!

Come on, say it.

Come on, say it!

It seems the paranoid

are sometimes actually being followed.

This film is only for Madagascar and Iran...

...neither of which

accept American copyright law.

Terry! I'm Keith Kincaid.

I saved the world.

I saved it.

I have eight brothers, four sisters,

and no job! I'm screwed!

There's no movie!

I can't believe there's no movie!

I didn't look for work,

I thought I was working.

- I showed my breasts on film. For what?

- I'm a felon.

My friends, I have a cousin who's a lawyer.

I say we take action. We sue. Sue! Sue!

Carol, what do you think?

I think...

I think it was a beautiful lie.

It could've worked.

Boss, what you want me to do

with this stuff?

- What is it?

- It's the film.

I told him to follow Kit around

and get some random shots.

You never know. We could've used it.

The trash is outside.

- I wanna take a look at it.

- Why hurt ourselves?

We need Kit Ramsey's permission.

Why didn't someone bring that up

to me at some point?

Hold up, hold up.

Useless. A tennis-playing alien fighter.

Nice work, guys.

Thank you, Mr. Bowfinger.

We used a Pro-Mist...

...and tried to open up the aperture

to give him a rim light.

What's he doing?

I think we just got our permission.

Hey, Laker Girls.

It's not funny!

You realize all courts in the country

would consider this blackmail!

I don't know anything about blackmail.

I'm just a guy with a great film.

I need a shot of Kit saying,

"Gotcha, suckers"...

...and a couple of close-ups.

Or we'll use a shot of Kit wagging his thing

at the Laker Girls.

Which is a great ending.

Though not such a good ending for Kit.

It could sort of stop his money flow...

...and possibly make that family film

he's about to do, just...

We'll have to think about it.

We'll have to think about it, for Kit.

Now that you've had time

to think about it...

...what do you and the other fellows

here at MindFu... Head think?

Good to see you.

This way.

Not bad seats at all!

CIA operative, Todd Delmonico...

... drove his '53 Buick to meet Keith Kincaid.

Kincaid!

It had rained that day.

But was it normal rain?

Or was it Chubby Rain?

- Freddy?

- You heard me there, Kincaid.

Freddy?

Freddy's about to have his guts replaced

with alien hardware!

Gotcha, suckers!

A hit. A hit.

Hey, you guys!

I want you to meet somebody.

This is Farrah.

Farrah and I met at the premiere.

Farrah's one of the most powerful lesbians

in Hollywood.

Bravo!

I can't talk to you right now.

It's an offer to direct a movie in Taiwan

starring Kit Ramsey's brother.

Oh, my God! Are you serious?

We're goin' to Taiwan!

Jiff! Jiff!

Good to see you again, brother.

I saved the world!

I saved it!

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