Boy Culture Page #4

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I got nothing but love for you baby,

but you're twenty-five.

And that's already over the hill for a lot of logical people.

And working at a videostore has a promising future?

It's legal .

So, if I were dating you, I could sleep with my same

twelve clients, as long as I didn't get paid?

If it made you happy.

Getting paid makes me happy.

It hurts me.

You f***ing anything with a clever screen name hurts me.

It's like anyone can fulfill you .

What would make me special?

But if I charged them, you'd be okay with that?

What makes me special?

There's nothing special about you

I'm Kidding .

That's your problem .

You're too funny for your own good

You know why I do not always listen to you?

Because sometimes I do not feel like laughing

No .

The real problem is, I used to live with a decent,

attractive guy who sometimes I imagined dating one day.

But that guy has become a very ugly f*ggot who will

suck off anything with a cock and probably die

long before achieving his dream of becoming manager of Videomania.

Forgive me Father, I was wrathful.

Okay, you win .

Always do .

Is that a cross word?

Yeah

Sometimes you amaze me.

Andrew says to say he's not talking to you .

Well, tell Andrew

Make it good, 'cause you each get one message.

I do not wanna be asking people to

pass the lube to each other.

Just tell him I said ''okay.''

''Okay.'' Clever, could go either way.

X?

I'm not so amazing .

Huh ?

There's a really cute guy at the laundromat who always

does the cross word while he's waiting .

So I do it ahead of time.

Then if he looks stuck, I can help him and act like

I just thought up the answer.

You still amaze me.

I'm eighteen and I've do not have a job or a boyfriend .

How can I ever be rich and famous if I don't

even do anything?

Why is it that gays always feel forty at eighteen ?

That's what college is for.

X?

Yes?

You amaze me too .

I'm a monster.

So, was the dentist your first?

And there's a story.

About a friend .

Not about you .

Okay, this story's about cousins .

Teenagers .

Barely.

Do they have names?

Let's call the older one Andy,and the younger one

John?

John .

Let's call them that.

Andy was a jock and the center of attention.

He entertained the family with tales

of making first string.

John was pudgy and awkward, and the only string

he cared about was the one holding up Andy's sweats.

Oh dear.

One Sunday, pick any one, they're alone

in the basement TV room.

Andy blurts out I got a girlfriend.

This chick from school, Jennifer.

John hates her name. It's silly and common .

It's no Andy

''What's she look like?'' John asks.

''A whole lot better'n you. ''

It's just a joke, but it kills something in John,

who says sure took you long enough to start dating girls.

Andy twists John's arm .

''What are you trying to say?

I told you I finally have a girlfriend

because you're my best friend

And John?

Some tears.

Andy apologizes.

He says, I'm just kidding.

I'll always like you better than her

And then ?

Let's save that for the next visit.

U h-u h . I'm not falling for that old ruse.

Next visit begins now.

Andy brushes his head against John's cheek.

Touches his lips .

Like the horny virgins they are, it all happens .

Mmm .

Horny love-struck virgins .

How was it?

Unbelievable.

I remember every single thing we did in those

thirty-seven minutes.

It was the first and only time I've ever been taken .

It won't be the last.

I certainly hope not.

Anyway when it's over, Andy panics .

He tells John it's wrong, it can't ever happen again.

He runs away.

John's devastated .

What does he do?

He walks home.

Twelve miles.

When Andy calls, John won't answer.

They never really talk again .

Poor Andy.

Poor Andy?

I suppose you think Renaldo and I were happy from the start,

but it's just not true.

After our first encounter, he was unavailable for weeks .

Where'd he go?

I never knew, but when he returned, I confronted him

I said, you're avoiding me.

You're afraid of feeling towards me the way

a man feels towards a lover.

And?

That night he held me so close.

I knew he loved me.

So maybe Andy

Perhaps .

I hadn't thought about Andy for years .

And Andrew, the similarity of their names

is not lost on me.

The next few days were awkward around the house.

Andrew was ignoring me.

And Joey

I hate you both !

Andrew, I'm sorry.

So I poured myself in to my work.

Twelve steps to a happier me.

You look handsome.

Going out?

I haven't left this apartment for eight years .

I'm just trying to vary the scenery.

What makes you available to night?

I guess I'm avoiding home.

Why haven't you left your apartment?

I haven't left since Renaldo died?

Oh, what's this?

I'm ready, Gregory.

I desire you as much as you desire me.

You don't desire me.

You're just confused and lonely and horny.

I guess you're right.

Any news on this wedding?

Why does he want me to go?

What does he want from me?

Yes.

Excellent questions.

A road trip seems a perfect opportunity to explore them .

I should be going, it's late.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Thanks .

Damn, Hottie Central, hi !

Call us !

Oh my god !

I can stick around .

Likewise.

Okay, I'm out.

Nice to meet you .

Night, Joey.

I'm sorry, X.

I'm really sorry.

It's a free country.

I didn't mean to hurt you .

Who said I was hurt?

I'm so totally in love with you .

I know you think I'm a loser and a slut and stupid

Joey

I thought if I could be with Andrew I could

at least be on your radar.

I'm sorry.

I don't think any less of you .

Because you never thought any of me in the first place.

This self-pity routine is seriously

Joey, since I met you there hasn't been a day

I didn't fight to stop myself

from ripping off your clothes .

Liar.

I can think of a hundred reasons it would be

wonderful to be with you .

But I know it wouldn't work.

Who cares why it wouldn't work.

Because we'd find out why.

And we'd lose everything we have.

It's not so bad .

Losing everything .

What would you know about that?

Well, my whole f***ing house burned down once.

Really?

I lost everything .

My dog Mindy, who just learned to sit.

My diary.

You kept one?

From first grade on . I wrote in it every day.

All about figuring out how I was gay.

Poetry.

Drawings .

Every experience I had in the world .

Poof.

I'm sorry.

Be sure to write good stuff about me.

I don't keep one anymore.

Since then I decided to live for right now.

Come on, Joey.

You're so cute.

Joey, please.

Joey.

Joey?

Oh sh*t.

Joey, can you hear me?

Joey, listen to me.

I love you .

Joey?

F***.

Andrew!

Andrew!

It's Joey!

Joey listen to me.

Everything's going to be alright.

Sh*t, what happened?

What drugs did you guys do?

He drank the rest of that? !

The rest of what?

G H B .

There was like another half a dose in there.

He should be okay, he just fell out.

Allow me to take this moment for a public service announcement.

I actually advocate the legalization of most

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