Boy Meets Girl

Let's go swimmin'

before it gets too chilly.

Some of us have

to work for a livin'.

And normal people

get Sundays off.

Well, some of us normal people

have to work seven days

a week to save money.

And besides, you need

to start workin' a little harder

to keep me interested

in hangin' out with you.

Watchin' you troll for girls,

while barely tolerable

in high school,

has officially lost

its last little bit of luster.

Hey, hey!

I just invited

you to go swimmin'.

Yeah, euphemistic for watchin'

you text at the swimmin' hole,

as opposed to the coffee shop.

And, besides, it's pointless.

You've dated every girl

in the state of Kentucky.

I mighta missed one.

And, please, yo-you spend

as much time trolling for dudes

as I do trolling for girls.

Yeah, but, unlike you,

I'm not just lookin' for sex.

I wanna find love, get married.

I haven't even

found one good guy

who doesn't wanna

just get in my pants.

Maybe I should date girls.

How bad could it be?

I'm a fan.

Check one out

and see how you like it.

At least she'd be sweet.

And considerate.

And emotional.

Not just a dog, like all y'all.

Hey, I am very fond

of every one I go out with,

regardless of how long

the relationships last.

Now, you know, sometimes

likin' someone isn't enough

and you gotta break up.

Kinda quickly.

But it doesn't

make me a bad guy.

No, just a guy.

Hey, how's it goin'?

What can I get ya?

You have the prettiest hair.

I always wanted to try those

straight-across bangs like that.

Yeah, and you know I've

always wanted to try wearin'

a big ole sparkly

engagement ring like that.

Yeah, well, you know the grass

is always greener, I guess.

- So...?

- Oh! Right.

May I please have a double latte

caramel frappuccino, please.

Sweetheart,

Starbucks is on Montague Street.

We sell coffee here.

Oh, right. Um,

- well, may I have...

- Tread lightly now.

- Um, a ca- cappa...

- Cap...?

Chino?

Yes, you may.

So,

you've never been

married or engaged, even?

Mm-mm. No.

I mean, I do, but most of 'em

I'm not really attracted to

and the ones I have been

always seem to get cold feet.

Oh, God, men.

The very thing they want most

is the very thing

they're most afraid of.

Ain't that the truth.

- Commitment.

- Dick.

Oh, well, I mean that, too,

but it's a distant second.

Did you say

what I think you just said?

Mmm, that commitment's

a distant second?

No. Before that.

That men want dick

but are afraid of it.

Okay.

Apparently you did.

Two-fifty, please.

Thank you.

Do you- do you have a lot of

guy friends confide this in you?

I-I mean how do you know that

they're telling you the truth

and not just messin' with you?

'Cause if I weren't,

I'd have a big ole gorgeous

ring on my finger by now.

I don't follow.

That's my mom.

We're late for church.

Oh, I understand.

It was real nice

talkin' with you.

And you.

I'm Francesca, by the way.

Ricky.

Ricky and a rich girl

sittin' in a tree,

k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

Oh, f*** off.

Hell, why not?

She was sexy as hell.

In that kinda way.

What kinda way?

Oh, come on.

You grew up here

your whole life, too.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,

let me get this straight now.

You are gonna judge her

because of the kinda family

she may or may not come from?

Does come from.

Rich, Republican, debutant.

Oh, you are unbe-

You-you-you want peop- no,

you demand people judge you

by the content of your character

and nothin' else,

yet you're gonna dismiss her?

Because of what, what

kinda family she comes from?

It's different.

She was sweet and respectful

and friendly and liked you.

And anyway, that girl -

I mean what more

could you want

from your first

girlfriend experience?

She's not a lesbian.

How do you know?

And even if she were, she would

not go for a girl like me.

Why not?

You know.

No, I really don't, why?

Oh come on,

now you're just bein' an idiot.

No, really, Ricky,

why couldn't she be into you?

- Because I'm not...

- Republican?

You know what I was gonna say.

Look, Ricky,

maybe she won't care.

I mean, there's only

one way to find out.

You know,

that really isn't something

I just go surprisin'

people with, out the blue.

Oh, really?

Hey, what about that, uh,

Halloween incident

when we were little.

See, now that was different.

He had it comin',

f***ing pervert.

Hey, Cinderella,

trick or treat?

Trick.

Police!

Help!

Thank God I was

there to protect you.

Yeah, tough guy.

I've never seen

someone run so fast.

Nah, it's true.

That douche bag

scared the sh*t outta me. But...

that was the only time I

ever ran from a fight for you.

Leave her alone.

That's a boy, not a girl.

You are a boy.

You are a boy.

Didn't your father just die?

Yeah, that's true.

You didn't really need me.

Anyone came after you

left in tears.

Well, I always appreciated

your gallant efforts.

Well, when you turned

sixteen somethin' happened.

I don't know, but you really

didn't need me after that.

Why you so into Ricky?

'Cuz he's gay.

Shut up!

Fine, whatever you're

into man, I'm just sayin'.

I'm not- I'm not gay.

I just like her. You -

it's nice to have a

conversation about more than

Pamela Anderson's tits

every once in awhile.

Really?

Why?

It's cool. It's cool.

If you wanna bring a dude

to the football game

who dresses

like a girl, then you -

Hey, guys.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Hey, Ricky.

- You look great.

- Oh, thanks.

Um, so you sure it's okay

I tag along to the game?

- Yeah, fine.

- Absolutely.

Something happened

when I turned sixteen?

Yeah, somethin' happened.

And, uh, what was that

somethin' that happened, Robby?

What?

Why are you rollin' your eyes?

I'm fascinated by this

somethin' that happened.

Mm.

Is it that I suddenly got hot?

Is that the

somethin' that happened?

Ew, come on,

you're like my sister.

- Hey, come on, just a sip!

- No!

All right, well, fine.

You go ahead and judge a book

by its cover, hypocrite,

but don't look now

because here she comes.

Hi!

Hey.

Oh, my God,

what a coincidence.

I know, right?

- I love that bathing suit.

- Oh.

It's so classic.

Where did you get it?

Um, well I made it, actually.

Wha- You did not.

Yeah, um, that's my real job.

I'm a designer.

You are?

Well,

why aren't you in, um, uh,

New York or Paris

or somethin' like that?

Our Fashion Week

is kinda non-existent, obvi.

Well, hopefully

I'll be goin' to fashion school

in New York this fall.

I'm just kinda

waitin' to hear back.

God, that is so exciting.

Thanks.

Wow.

So, um, how do you

know about this place?

Oh, well, my daddy used to

take me here when I was little.

- You grew up here?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I thought I knew

everybody in this town.

Surprise.

I went away to boardin' school

when I was five,

and then I was just really

around for the holidays.

What about summers?

Abroad.

Oh. Of course.

He's cute.

Is he your boyfriend?

Uh, we've been best friends

since, like, first grade.

He works in my dad's garage.

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