Boy Toy Page #2

- We're getting crazy.

Getting crazy.

Sorry, I forget your name.

- I didn't tell you.

- Oh, okay.

Two vodka tonics.

- You're an air sign, right?

- Yes. How did you know that?

I'm gonna say

you are an Aquarius.

Yes. That is crazy.

Oh my God, are you like

psychic or something?

- Hey buddy, hey buddy.

- Hold on, pal.

- Just make the drinks, all right?

- One sec, buddy, one sec.

- My name is Cindi.

- Cindi? Hmm.

Cindi, you don't strike me

as a vodka tonic kind of gal.

I'm gonna go ahead

and say

your favorite drink is

a strawberry mojito.

Oh my gosh, that is

my friggin' favorite.

Yeah, I think

what we should do is

once you're done with Von Douche here,

you and I get together

- and grab that strawberry mojito.

- Whoa, what did you just say?

- I said once you're done...

- Hey, come here.

- Come here. Come here.

- What?

- Oh!

- I'll cut you.

- All right. Enough with the 'roid rage.

- Get yourself a tan, all right?

- She already has this.

- Hey, enough.

- She doesn't need that.

- Enough with the 'roid rage already.

Take your drink.

- Have a sandwich, buddy.

- It's okay.

- What's up with that?

- I'm sorry.

- Enough.

- Have a seat, baby.

- You are out of control.

- Why you gotta flirt with everyone, eh?

I leave you for two minutes,

you're starting fights in my bar.

- I built this for you. It's yours. It's my gift.

- All right, all right.

Why you gotta look at him...

pale boy over there?

Did you do your

astrology magic?

- I did indeed.

- Yes, did it work?

Apparently it's

one-in-four chances,

and the rest is just luck,

so, I don't know, the best odds I'll ever get.

- Hi Jake.

- Jesus. What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

Hello.

Yeah, we should put

a bell around your neck.

How did your audition go?

Apparently he's not Middle America

enough. He's been weeping in his beer

- for like 20 minutes.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Maybe Mouse can help

you feel better.

Maybe Mouse can keep

her hands to herself.

Wait a sec. What the hell are you

doing here anyways?

Aren't you supposed

to be at work?

Yeah, well,

things got a little firm

at the firm

and I had sex

with a client.

I'm sorry.

You had sex with your client?

- So you got fired?

- Shocking.

- Wow.

- My boss found out about it,

- so I had sex with him too.

- Nice.

- And so then we both got fired.

- That's interesting.

That's great.

That makes two of us

who don't have jobs

or any money.

This is one of my favorite

places in town.

I'll get you

the cream-filled skin roll.

- Let's go.

- Ooh, nice.

- What a bottom feeder.

- Let's sit down, no?

He's for hire.

What are you talking about?

What do you mean, he's for hire?

- Yeah, like an escort.

- There's no such thing as a male escort.

- Oh, you guys are so naive.

- That guy's a prostitute?

He's a pretty hot item

in the cougar world.

Five years younger,

I would suck your face off right here.

- Waiter!

- You should go bust in on them,

because compared to

his little faucet,

yours is a freakin'

fire hose.

She would flip.

- Everybody know Jake has a giant dick.

- Yeah, I'm just saying...

Waiter, two martinis,

please.

Cha-cha-cha.

Women would pay for

that muscle of yours.

Guys, enough.

I mean, come on.

Yes, that's exactly

what you need.

Hey, barkeep, can we get

a round of drinks?

Look, now Jorge's

pouring drinks.

Whoo! One for you,

one for you...

- You're not qualified.

- Jorge, can you pass me a vodka?

Two for you and for you.

Looking good.

Jorge, get me another

beer too, will you?

- Jorge.

- Ah.

He just does this now.

More. Come on.

Whoo!

I love you.

Oh God.

Good morning, sunshine.

What are you doing here?

I slept over, silly.

Oh God.

Did we have sex?

Feels like we had sex.

Don't worry about it,

Jakey.

The important thing is

we all had fun.

What... what does that

mean exactly?

It means what it means.

Do you like my PJs?

Did you guys have sex?

I don't know.

She won't tell me.

Well, guess what, Jake.

It's tomorrow morning already.

You know what that means?

Stu's on his way over here.

- Did you make coffee?

- Yeah, there's coffee out there.

The landlord's coming over.

What are we gonna do?

All right.

Shh.

Shh... is money coming out

of your mouth?

Where's the money, Jake?

Coffee coffee coffee.

What are we gonna do, guys?

- About what?

- The money, Mouse, the money.

- He owes me money.

- I'm thinking, okay?

- My landlord is coming in 20 minutes.

- Seriously, calm down.

God.

Okay, Jake,

no offense or anything,

but the only modeling you've ever done

is on this wall

right here, right?

- It's a good shot, right?

- You can't really see your face, can you?

I think that it's probably

time for you to move on,

you know, do other things

with your life,

leave the modeling thing

in the past.

What, are you saying

I'm a bad model?

Jake, you're a freakin'

terrible model.

Ouch, Ronnie.

I'm sorry, you are.

Someone had to say it.

You're a bad...

you're not a good model.

You don't have to be so harsh, man,

I mean, you know?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be harsh.

It's just I'm having

a hard time

paying my student loan

from my useless M.B.A.

And supporting you

at the same time.

And maybe you should

go out in the world,

get your stuff together,

get a job

and do something

with your life.

Mouse, you think

I'm a good model, right?

Oh, yeah yeah.

The dip in between your butt cheeks

and the back of your thigh,

especially the right side...

hello.

All right, whatever.

The point is

this is a pretty serious situation, okay?

We've got to figure something out.

Yes, Jake, yes.

Maybe you should

reassess your skill set

and get a job

you're actually good at.

That's actually

not a bad idea.

All right, what are

some skills that I have,

- things I'm good at?

- Picking up women.

Doing women,

not that I would know

from recent experience.

Okay, what else?

I think that's it.

I think that might be it.

- Jake.

- What?

That cougar

from last night.

Oh, man, I didn't sleep

with her, did I?

No no, the boy toy

that she was with.

I definitely didn't sleep with that guy.

I'd remember that.

No, that's not what I'm saying,

although that'd be hot.

No, do you remember him?

- Yeah, vaguely.

- Well, I think

he makes a pretty good living

taking out Ionely babes.

I bet he does.

And you could probably

do the same.

Oh, no, that's

a terrible idea.

I could bang for bucks.

- Everyone's got to make a living.

- That's gross.

Oh, no, I think

I could do that.

- I could be your manager.

- Oh my God.

Wait a sec. You mean pimp.

You want to be my pimp.

Manager. Manager sounds

better on a business card.

Yeah, you know,

with my PR skills

and my old job alone...

I know so many cougs

that would love to take out

little Jakey here,

or should I say big Jakey?

Oh. Okay.

All right,

just say I do this...

I wouldn't want to sleep with all the

women, because I'd feel somewhat dirty.

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