Boy Toy Page #3

Oh, come on,

you've been dirtier.

- Would I have to sleep with all the women?

- Not if you don't want to.

Oh, dude, I can go

by Gerard... my stage name.

- Gerard.

- Yeah, I like it... Gerard.

Okay. We could make some

real money off this, couldn't we?

Oh, totally.

I mean, definitely.

In a couple of weeks

we'll be rolling in it.

Of course

in the beginning

there'll be some

start-up costs.

How much money

did you make last night?

Huh-uh.

Huh-uh.

- Ronnie money, we need you.

- No no.

- We need it. Oh, come on, please.

- No no.

In no time he's gonna have the payback

and the rent... in a week, I promise.

And I promise,

if you front me this cash

plus two weeks' rent,

I'll totally pay you back.

Nothing to lose

and everything to gain.

Come on. You might even

get a girlfriend.

Fine fine.

Ronnie money honey,

honey, we're gonna

make some money.

I'm the pimp. I'm the pimp.

Who's the pimp now?

Look, first things first.

If you're gonna go for a cougar,

you're gonna have to step it up a notch,

- get you some style.

- All right, whatever.

Oh wait, I think this is it.

Yep, it is.

Okay, he's doing me

a huge favor, so come on.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Dominic has been waiting for you.

- Hey, I'm Jake.

- Um, you can step up.

- Of course, yeah.

- Dominic.

- Hi.

- This is Jake.

- You're already jumping up there, are you?

- Hey, how are you?

- How are you doing?

- Good, thank you. Great.

- Well well well.

Ooh, someone made

the right career choice.

I didn't have my breakfast today,

so you'd better watch out.

I mean, boing!

Hello.

- Let me just check this inseam right here.

- Dude.

Wouldn't want you bursting

out of those britches now, would we?

- Wow.

- Thanks so much for doing this.

- You're such a sweetheart.

- Mwah!

Uh, Mousy, what is

Jorge doing here?

- He's my intern.

- He's your intern?

Does Ronnie know?

Because I'm sure he'd be very interested

to find out you're

poaching his employees.

Um, sweetie, you've got

a big old package,

but you need a body.

Listen, I can tailor you all up

and make you look all hot and sh*t.

However, you need

some gym action.

Look at these flabby arms here,

little chicken arms.

He's right, Jake.

Okay, so do you have any suggestions

for me? I live off Laurel Canyon.

Do I have any suggestions?

I am an overly opinionated

homosexual

living in West Hollywood.

I am the proud father

of a purebred cockapoo...

little Lily Allen.

- You would die for her.

- Aww.

Do I know a gym?

Honey, a butch gym,

like you.

And come on back here

and I'll have you work on some glutes.

So we're all

through here, right?

Good stuff. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Keep it coming.

- I'll wait outside.

Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh my God.

This is your genius plan,

PR guru...

place an ad

in a newspaper?

Who even reads

a newspaper anymore?

I know women who read

are a little bit out of your comfort zone,

but I'm telling you

this is our perfect target demo.

- Please, I know how to read.

- Yeah.

- Well, if you say so.

- Yeah, I say so.

- Hey look, just go place this ad.

- All right.

Because I have to make some phone calls

to get you some business.

All right, all right.

Thank you, thank you.

- Hello there.

- Good morning. I'm Jeanie.

- Hello, Jeanie.

- Welcome to "The Hollywood Beat,"

the largest and longest-running

industry newspaper in all of Los Angeles,

established 1921,

winner of the 2009 Reel Time Award

for entertainment journalism.

How can I help you?

They really make you

say a lot, don't they?

Yeah, they do.

My name is Jake Dylan.

And I'm looking to put an ad in the next

week's newspaper.

Oh great. I will call

our advertising manager.

Perfect.

Thank you.

Robert, I have

a Mr. Dylan here

that would like

to place an ad.

Great.

He'll be right out.

- Perfect.

- Can you do me a favor?

I would love

to do you a favor.

Be patient with him.

He's very sensitive

about his impairment.

His impairment?

You'll see.

Just be patient.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

- You mind if I ask you a question?

- Sure.

You seem to be

in outstanding shape.

I was wondering

if there was, like, a gym

or something like a gym

around here

where I could maybe,

you know, bulk up a little bit.

Yeah, actually I go to a great yoga studio

down the street

- called Back Door Yoga.

- Back Door Yoga?

They have great

berry protein shakes

and my friend Norah is the instructor.

She's really good.

Her mom's best friends

with my mom.

Yeah, but it's great

for your core.

Clearly... clearly great

for your core.

It's not like a greasy,

sweaty, smelly...

Oh, no no, just good old

American yoga.

But the classes

are mostly girls.

- Well, that's okay.

- Except for Robert... my boss.

I took Robert once

and now he goes all the time.

You love it,

don't you, Robert?

Hello.

Robert, this is Jake.

Mm...

Mr. Dylan.

- Yo.

- Jake.

Here's all the information

that you will need.

And I hope to see you

at yoga.

I hope to see you at yoga too.

Thank you.

Oh, don't want

to forget this.

Can't forget my ad, can I?

Thank you.

Okay, it's just...

Oh, sorry.

Do you mind?

S-s-s-s-s-so

you want to place an ad?

Yes, I would indeed.

Right here.

"Boy Toy for hire.

Are you bored with

Ionely nights alone?

Are you tired of

being a third wheel?

Do you just want

to have some fun?

Well, if so,

call the Boy Toy!

555-0188. Satisfaction

and discretion guaranteed."

Blah blah blah.

There you go.

There's a picture

that goes with it too.

Nice, eh?

Okey-dokey.

I gotta call it

to my designer.

S-s-stan,

it's m-me.

I have an ad.

"Boy Toy

for hire.

Bored with

Ionely n-n-n..."

What?

Yeah, I can start over.

Hey, look, if it's easier,

I can read it to the guy.

Blow it out your butthole.

Fair enough.

Let me do my job.

- Okay.

- "Bored...

bored with

l-l-l-Ionely nights

alone?

Tired of

- being a third wheel?

- Wheel.

Just want to have

some f-f-f...

Just...

Hi. Yeah.

No, it says,

"Boy Toy for hire.

Are you bored with Ionely nights alone?

Just want to have some fun?

Call the Boy Toy!

555-0188.

Satisfaction and

discretion guaranteed."

All right.

B-b-bye.

All right.

How much do I owe you?

$2100.

Whoa, $2100?

For what, man?

What do you...

what do you expect?

This... this isn't

"The Saver."

This is

"The Hollywood Beat"...

Of course not.

...the number...

- All right, all right.

200 right now. The rest I'll get to your

receptionist out front, okay?

- Great. Thank you.

...one newsp...

- Look at that.

...the number one

news... newspaper...

- All right.

...the longest...

...running newspaper.

...running newsp...

Shoot shoot.

Oh, you son of a b*tch.

- You bastard.

- That was close, man.

- Is your phone ringing?

- Yeah.

- Let me grab that for a sec.

- No, Jake.

- One second.

- Jake, Jake.

Listen, Ronnie,

I think I used

your telephone number

in the ad.

- You think you did?

- Hello, this is Boy Toy.

- Oh hey, Mouse.

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