Boy Toy Page #9

Is there anything else?

Muscles.

He must have muscles.

Muscles?

Mm, yours will work.

Come on.

Um, okay.

Yeah, absolutely. Okay,

we're gonna email you some pictures

and some stats

within the hour.

Perfect.

Now Mouse here will get all

the necessary information...

a credit card,

everything else you need.

- I want you to relax.

- Thank you so much.

That's enough.

That's what we're here for...

providing you

the service you need, right?

There is no way

I would show up alone

to a ritzy dinner party

at Barbra Skypes's house.

It would be social suicide, darling,

especially for us pumas.

Whoa, hold on.

Did you say Barbra Skypes?

Yes. Do you know her?

Yeah. No no no, I don't...

I don't know her. I know her daughter

Norah.

- Well...

- Is she gonna be there?

I suppose.

I will be waiting for that email

with high expectations.

- Got it?

- Of course.

- See you.

- Within the hour. Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Take care.

You gotta watch the shop

for just an hour, okay?

- One hour... watch the shop for one hour.

- No no.

No no no, you can't. You can't bust in

on that party. You're gonna get arrested.

- Why?

- I hate to say this, but I agree with Ronnie.

- I'm not gonna get arrested.

- You're gonna cause a scene

with these high-class peeps.

And we've worked way too hard

to even just get some

of your clients here.

- You're gonna kill business.

- All right, it's cool.

- Stop.

- You guys are right. You're right.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't thinking.

- God, you're gonna kill the business.

- You're right.

- Give me your keys. Give me your keys.

- No. Ow.

- Hey, Jake...

- One hour.

Jake, okay, I'll drive.

I'll drive.

I'm gonna take you.

Please.

Well, then I'm gonna go too.

Listen, guys, I really

appreciate you coming with me,

but you don't have

to do this, okay?

Well, if you're gonna

go down in flames,

I at least want

to watch.

Okay okay, look, the trick is to act

like you belong, okay?

Act like you belong.

You look really good.

- Jake.

- Thanks. You look really good.

- Thanks, buddy.

- Are you ready? Are you gonna do this?

- Are you gonna break some hearts?

- As ready as I'll ever be.

- You ever been to Switzerland?

- No no, I haven't.

Really?

What about older men?

Have you ever dated

an older man, Norah?

Not as old as you.

Okay, remember, just act

like you belong, man.

Hey, Christie,

nice dress. Jeez.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hey, buddy, listen, l...

- Jake, what are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

I'm actually looking for Norah.

Have you seen her anywhere?

- Norah?

- Yeah.

- Jake, you are nothing but a doofus.

- Doofus.

A guy has never hurt me

the way you have.

- Ever.

- It's like you take my heart,

you stick it in the dryer and you

don't even use fabric softener.

Fabric softener.

Hey, how are you doing?

Hey, man.

- Hey, Gerard.

- Hi, Helen.

- What a pleasant surprise.

- Good to see you.

Yeah, hey, you made an excellent choice

ditching Barbra.

- She's so high maintenance.

- That's great.

Yeah, now you're free

for a real woman like me.

You look great, Helen. I'd love to talk

about this, but some other time.

I'm looking for Barbra's daughter Norah.

Have you seen her anywhere?

- A little young for you, don't you think?

- Mm-hm.

What about you, Kylie?

Have you seen her anywhere?

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

What, are you Prince Charming now?

Are you gonna come win her back?

- God.

- You're so pathetic.

Thank you.

Hey, big guy,

quick question...

oh, it's you.

What's up, poop stick?

What are you doing here?

Partying.

God. Have you seen

Norah anywhere?

Yeah?

Up my butt.

- Jake.

- Hi.

Hello, hey. Gerard Depardouche

in the flesh.

Fancy seeing you here, eh?

We just had a threesome in the bathroom

with your grandmother.

No, kidding.

Let bygones be bygones, no?

- Really?

- Yeah.

Psych.

I got him with the psych.

I told you.

You're so stupid.

He's so... he's stupid, Mousy.

You dropped your dick

back there.

- You might want to go get it.

- That's funny. I like that.

Well, what would you say

if I had a 100' yacht

down at the marina

waiting for you and me

right now?

What, is that, like,

99' 8" bigger

than your penis?

Right? Get it?

Norah darling, you can't

just sit here and sulk.

You're becoming a distraction

for the whole party.

Mom, I don't want to mingle

with your old man friends.

Well, you can't just

sit here and pout.

- Hello, ladies.

- Gerard...

- Jake.

- Jake, what are you doing here?

Hi. Look, can I just have a word with you,

please, really quickly?

Jake, look, just get out of here.

Don't make me sic Clive on you.

Look, Barbra, I know

I broke your rules, okay?

But for what it's worth, I had no

idea Norah was your daughter.

I never would have bailed on you

if I didn't care about her so much.

I think you should leave.

Just hear me out

for one second, please?

Excuse me.

You just gotta hear me out

for one second, okay?

What could you possibly say

that could change anything?

I've changed.

You know what?

Enough. Enough.

All right, I knew

you were a playboy,

but you roped me in

with your stupid charm.

You lied to my face.

You had sex with my mom's friends.

You had sex with my mom.

And now all these people

are looking at me like,

"Poor girl,

she never saw it coming."

Norah, I hate to

interject, darling,

but Jake never slept

with me.

Jeez, Helen, I really

appreciate it,

- but I don't think that's helping right now.

- We just kissed.

We didn't have sex,

but you did do

an amazing pinkie pool.

We didn't either. He wouldn't even

let me touch his package.

I swear, sweetheart,

I only just licked his feet.

He was a perfect

gentleman.

All right, all right,

look, Norah,

we didn't

have sex either.

I appreciate it,

you guys, really I do.

That's sweet.

But none of this matters,

because you were still seeing

dozens of women behind my back.

Look, I was just doing what

I needed to do to get by, okay?

I was providing a service

for these ladies, you know?

Look, I was always

a gentleman.

I always treated them

with the utmost respect.

But I never ever cared for any of them.

It was just a job.

How do I know that you're not

gonna just turn into Gerard?

Yeah, is it Jake or Gerard?

Which is it today?

- Clive.

- Sorry.

How do I know that?

Because...

because I love you.

Aww.

This is coming from a guy who's never

said that to anyone in his entire life...

well, except for Ronnie, but he's more

like a brother kind of love.

- I love you, bro.

- Thanks, buddy.

Look, I love you so much,

there's nothing

I wouldn't do for you.

And I'm just asking for

one more chance, please...

one chance

to make you happy.

And I'll never ever

disappoint you again.

I can't help it.

I love you too.

Yes!

Hot... that's hot.

Whoo!

Ronnie, come here.

What?

No, come closer.

- What?

- Come closer.

What?

Did I tell you

I drive a Porsche?

Oh God, tell me it's red.

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