Boy Toy Page #8

Guys, it's a Monday.

What are we gonna do on a Monday?

God damn it.

We have this house

for another night, right?

- House party!

- Yeah! I like it.

All right, sh*t, shower

and shave, big guy.

You too, Jorge.

Everybody's gonna get laid tonight.

My heart's beating

so fast now.

See, this is why I don't

want to be too close...

'cause I think we both

might have heart attacks.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh man, I gotta go

check on my friend.

- Please don't go anywhere.

- Oh, okay.

Don't move.

Wait right here for me, okay?

Don't move.

My God, what's wrong

with you?

- What?

- You can't swing your dick in this place

without hitting some

hot piece of ass.

No no, I don't know, man. I think we

disturbed the chi in this place, buddy.

What the hell is the chi?

Chi... it's this yoga stuff Norah's

been teaching me, you know?

It has to do with, like, good vibes

and good energy... that kind of stuff.

I'm picking up some really

bad chakras here, man.

I'm not gonna last.

Chakras? I thought

those gave you gas.

Look, my blonde's talking

to somebody else now.

- That sucks.

- That sucks big time.

You go do something, okay?

I can't have you standing

over here looking glum.

- Lay your yoga stuff on these girls, man.

- Okay.

They love yoga stuff.

Okay, I'll see you in a sec.

Wait wait wait,

have you learned

- how to suck your own dick?

- Oh, okay, all right.

'Cause if I could suck my own dick,

I just wouldn't even leave.

- Oh my God, Jake.

- Oh my God.

What the hey, this is your party.

What a coinky-dink.

I had no idea

that you lived here.

This is my friend Ronnie.

I can't believe you're here.

- Hi.

- This is amazing.

Yeah, my friend Mandy

here... she was like,

"Let's totally not go to that party 'cause

there's not gonna be cute guys there."

I was like, "Yeah, there's totally

gonna be cute guys here."

And there totally are cute guys here.

And thank goodness

I painted my nails

to match my dress, right?

- Yeah, you did.

- So this is your party.

This must be your place.

You want to give me a tour,

- maybe show me your bedroom?

- Actually I was just...

You used to play baseball, right?

You want to show me your balls?

Okay, let's go.

Really? You want

to see these things?

My baseballs

or these balls?

Oh, wow.

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

This is so much fun, isn't it?

It's going super well.

- Mm.

- Okay, all right.

Okay.

Okay, this is totally not like me.

I never hook up with random guys

because I'm totally paranoid about STDs

and teen pregnancy and...

- not that I'm a teen.

- No, that's good.

But you can never be too sure,

especially with guys.

Whoa. Why don't I put on some music?

What do you think?

Oh my gosh, music would be great.

That is so romantic.

- And guess what.

- What?

I've been been practicing

something just for you.

You don't say.

What is it?

It's called

the Belgian pretzel.

I learned it on this

naughty yoga website.

You just take your arms like this,

put your legs like this.

That's what you've been practicing?

Oh wow.

Is this too advanced

for you?

I know some beginner Kama Sutra stuff

if that would work better.

It just reminds me

of Norah.

You're thinking

of Norah?

Yeah yeah, I am.

Okay, you know what?

You totally shouldn't be,

because she is, like,

way over you

and I'm here and I'm doing this yoga pose

which is really hard.

She wouldn't even be able to do it.

We just go better together.

You know, we click.

Look, I'm really sorry. I just...

I can't do this with you right now.

Okay, well, if right now doesn't work,

how about tomorrow?

I'm free after work on Monday.

Tuesday I'm...

- Right.

- But I can see you after yoga.

Wednesday I have my

manicure and pedicure,

but we can do it right after that.

And then...

Okay, bye.

Look what you did.

You made him worse.

Okay, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

I thought a party would

make him feel better.

I didn't know he grew a conscience.

Don't you worry, Jakey.

These eggs I'm making...

they're magic eggs.

Ronnie's famous eggs...

they'll cure you.

I don't want

the magical eggs, Ronnie.

I just want

Norah back, man.

- Well, Christ Almighty.

- God, life sucks without her.

Well, weeping lizards, go get her back

if you want her then.

Don't just sit here

and whine.

If you put it that way...

sure, no problem.

I'll just run on over to her place

and knock on the door,

tell her I'm sorry

for being a male escort

and hopefully she'll take me back?

That's stupid.

All you have to do is

show her that you've changed.

Oh my God, you guys,

she's never gonna date

a male escort ever again.

I'm not even a male escort anymore.

I'm unemployed.

And I'm back living

in this dump.

Hey, man,

this is my house.

Maybe you could be the pimp

and I'll be the escort.

Do you think

she'll date a pimp?

Come on, Mouse,

you're not helping.

I'm being serious.

Jorge could show him the ropes.

That's not actually

a terribly bad idea.

What, pimping Mouse out?

Can't pimp Mouse out. She's already

had sex with everyone in Los Angeles.

- Hey, I haven't slept with you.

- Not yet.

- Mouse, bear with me. This could work.

- Huh?

Okay, think about this.

Boy Toy Enterprises,

right?

Boy Toy Enterprises

nationwide.

You and I could run

the company, okay?

We'll hire a bunch of guys.

They'll be our escorts.

It'll be a completely

legitimate business, right?

Okay, look, we keep it

on the up and up

the entire time...

no sexual contact

of any type.

Our escorts will provide

the kind of service

that Ionely women all over this city

are looking for.

We're actually pretty good

at doing this, are we not?

Well, we did have kind of a solid reputation

until you screwed it up with Barbra.

But that's exactly what

I'm talking about, right?

- We could be partners... you and I.

- Like sex partners?

- No, not sex partners. Business partners.

- With sex?

No, not with sex.

Okay, thanks, Mouse.

Well, you may have something,

but the question is,

what will Norah think?

I don't know.

I have no idea, man.

But it's worth a shot, right?

Come on, Ronnie.

I need your help on this, buddy.

We got the security

deposit from the loft.

That could cover our costs

initially, right?

You could be

the C.F.O., man.

And and and and

we can find

a very very attractive young lady

to be your assistant.

I don't know, if we kept it legit,

you know, maybe got an office space...

Come on, say yes.

Please.

Come on, bud.

Maybe?

All right, I'm down.

Let's pimp some hos.

Ahh.

- Boy Toy Enterprises.

- Boy Toy Enterprises.

- Boy Toy Enterprises.

- Boy Toy Enterprises.

How may I help you?

Absolutely. Can you hold, please?

Yes, but can you hold,

please? Thank you.

Boy Toy Enterprises.

How can I help you?

Okay, so you said

you were looking for

the intellectual type?

Well, he doesn't have

to be a genius,

but he should be able to

maintain a conversation.

Sure sure, yeah.

Okay, that sounds good.

We'll get everything squared away.

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