Boys and Girls Page #2

and how I can't believe that|I can love somebody that much.

And then he sang this brand-new|song, a little something called...

Jennifer, Jennifer|You asked me to be true

What can I say?|I found someone new

That's horrible.

Actually,|it was pretty catchy.

By the second chorus,|everybody was singing along.

-What did you do?|-Nothing.

I don't think I've ever felt this way|before. I'm a complete idiot!

Why didn't I listen to my instincts,|you know what I mean?

Hey, look on the bright side.|Now you get to move in with me.

I know things look pretty horrible,|but it's just gonna take some time.

-That's what my therapist says.|-To hell with your therapist, Amy.

Because I just need|to feel better. Now!

"Doo doo be doo" my ass!

It's tough out there, man.|You don't know how lucky you are.

-Betty and I broke up.|-What?

-You're kidding. When?|-A couple of days ago.

-Why didn't you tell me?|-I don't know.

I guess it's just now|kinda sinking in.

This is great news.|Now you and "me" can hit the circuit.

-"You and I".|-Right.

-I don't think so.|-No, believe me.

It's way easier with two of us.|You pretend to be my idiot cousin.

All of a sudden, I'm sensitive.|You get drunk, come out too strong...

I beat the sh*t out of you,|I'm masculine.

-I don't think I'm ready for that.|-We could trade off.

-You can hit me first if you want.|-It was two days ago.

-I think I need a little time.|-I'm sorry. You're hurting.

-Let's get drunk and see strippers.|-I'm not that hurt!

-Please.|-I'm fine.

Breaking up was the right thing|to do. We were just...

going in different directions.

-Hit me.|-No!

-Hurry, before she leaves.|-Who?

-You know her?|-Kind of.

-Okay, then I'll hit you.|-No!

-How you been?|-Good. You?

Great.

-So I see you're all settled in.|-Yes.

-Did you get Fridays off?|-Yes.

-I got Friday nights off.|-I'm sure you do.

-Jennifer, this is Hunter.|-Hi.

Well, I'd love to|stick around...

but I have to go to the station to|pick up my cousin. He's an idiot.

My whole family is, actually.|Me too.

Yeah, me too. I'm an idiot.|I'll see you.

I got dumped.

Music man. Michael.|Dumped me.

How's long-distance Betty?

-I don't wanna talk about it.|-I just told you about my breakup.

-I mean, it couldn't be worse.|-Why do you wanna know?

-Misery loves company.|-No, you'll use it against me.

Okay, maybe I might have done that|in the past, but I've changed.

I have. I'm scarred now and|I look at life very differently.

Okay.

-You were right.|-The long-distance thing. I knew it.

But not for me! I was fine with it.|I would go there, she would come here.

If I told her I'd call her a certain|time, no matter where I was...

-You would call.|-...l would call!

If I told her to call me at a certain|time, I would always be home.

I mean, I loved her. None of that|ever seemed like work to me.

-But it did to her, right?|-Yeah.

This one weekend, I was down there,|we were kissing each other goodbye...

and her room-mate came by with her|boyfriend, both carrying laundry.

And Betty just started crying.

I asked her, "What's wrong?"|She said:

We never get to do|our laundry together.

She was right. We never did our|laundry together, and that was it.

You broke up|because of laundry?

-I send mine out.|-Not laundry exactly.

Just all the things that couples|do together and should do together.

We didn't have the time anymore.|She couldn't handle that.

-Why didn't you move there?|-Scholarship.

-She could've moved here.|-Scholarship.

-So that was it?|-Yeah.

-She needed what I couldn't give her.|-No.

There's a lot of other things. Too|many differences make it impossible.

Michael and I didn't|agree on anything. Ever.

That's what I loved about it.|We fought, shouted...

had sex... That's what I miss!

-That doesn't sound very healthy.|-But what do you know about it?

-Excuse me?|-Who are you to judge me?

-See? I knew this was a mistake!|-What?

I'm just saying that you were|in an unhealthy relationship.

It isn't about having to like things|all the time. It's about surprises!

Love's exciting and it's thrilling|and it drives you so insane...

that you think you're gonna explode!|That's the whole point.

Then, I guess Michael|didn't get the point.

You've never been to her apartment?|That's some weird sh*t.

No, it's not!

She's just being careful. There's no|point introducing me into her world...

unless she feels secure in|our relationship. I admire that.

What are you doing today?

I've got a scuba diving|class at three.

Really?

No, that's a lie. I lied. I can't stop.|I'm lying about everything!

It started so I can impress girls.|And now I can't stop.

-You should see someone about that.|-Yeah, I am.

-No, you're not!|-See? I can't stop! I can't!

Tell you what. The next time|I catch you lying...

I'll expose you for|the fraud that you are.

-You wouldn't.|-I would.

-You're not lying.|-I'm not.

-What are you really doing today?|-Dance class.

So my therapist keeps telling me|to expand my horizons...

but with this guy all I did was|pretend to be someone I wasn't.

-And I can't handle it anymore.|-So you're breaking up with him.

Yeah, but do you think|I'm being too cowardly?

My therapist wants me to take more|responsibility for my emotions...

but I just don't think this is the|right time for that, you know?

It doesn't matter how you do it.|Phone, fax, e-mail, song...

it's all the same message:|"Adios, amigo".

Okay, but you have|to be nice about it.

Amy, are you breaking up|with your boyfriend, or am I?

I wouldn't call him my boyfriend.|I barely know the guy.

-So don't worry about it.|-Yeah, but he just seems so sweet.

-I don't wanna see him get hurt.|-I know.

What are you doing here?

I was coming to pick up Amy.

Interesting.

-What are you doing here?|-I'm Amy's room-mate.

-Is she here?|-We need to talk.

-We're not right together?!|-I'm telling you what she told me.

-You shouldn't take it personally.|-Why do people say that?

How can I not take it personally?|It's me she doesn't like!

-Okay, fine. Take it personally.|-Why didn't she tell me?

-She didn't want to hurt you.|-And you did?!

No. I didn't know it was you.

I knew it was a Ryan, but I|didn't know it was you, Ryan.

-Well, this sucks!|-"Noli nuntium necare".

-What?|-Latin. "Don't kill the messenger".

You know what?|You're having too much fun with this.

I'm trying not to!

Try harder!

Look, it's not funny.

I'm not laughing at you. Chicks|love making us jump through hoops.

-This isn't a hoop. We broke up!|-No, it's a test.

She's testing you to see|how much you really want her.

-You think?|-I know.

You've gotta swim across the moat,|bust down the castle door...

slay the dragon. No euphemism.|And sweep her off her feet.

-You're right!|-Of course I am.

You're absolutely right! We were great|together. I even made a chart!

-I'm sure you did.|-It proved how perfect we were.

Now all I have to do|is prove it to Amy.

-What?|-You've gotta do more than that.

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