Boys and Girls Page #3

-You've gotta weep. Openly.|-You should've quit while ahead.

Squeeze the lids. Turn on the|sprinklers. You need the tears...

of a man who can't breathe another|second without the love of his life.

Hold on.

I got just the thing. Here.

-What's this?|-Icy Balm.

A little dab under your eyes,|you'll sob like a miss America.

Wish me luck.|Today I learn second position.

Ladies!

Do you know that they rearranged|all the desks in the library?

-No!|-Yeah. It's completely different.

I spent 2 hours to find my desk, and|if it wasn't for the Diet Coke stain...

I wouldn't have found it at all.|They put it on the third floor.

Not the second, not the fourth.|The third. Number three.

-And that would be a bad thing?|-Please. It's a disaster!

-You wanna hear about the breakup?|-I totally forgot. Was it horrible?

-You think we can still be friends?|-I don't know. He seemed shook up.

-Poor guy.|-Wanna hear the weird part?

-I kinda know him.|-You do?

Yeah, we run into each other|once in awhile.

Do you think I did the right thing|in having you break up with him?

-I don't know.|-I do.

It was just putting|too much pressure on me.

-Yeah, I can see that.|-But maybe that's what I need.

What if that's him?

My God, you're crying!|He's crying!

Why are you doing this to me?|It's over. Do you understand me?

Ryan? Ryan! It's not so bad.|People break up all the time.

I can't see!

I think I'm blind!

Nice patch.

-Thanks. You didn't have to wait.|-I'm not waiting.

Can't a girl enjoy a lollipop in|front of the Free Health Center?

Who also feels maybe|a little bit responsible.

You didn't do anything.

I didn't put the Icy Balm in your|eye, but I did break up with you.

-Remember?|-Yep.

-Where are you going?|-For a walk.

-Try to forget today ever happened.|-Can I come?

What for?

Can't a girl enjoy a walk|with her ex-boyfriend?

Will the girl continue to refer|to herself in the third person?

-Did Ryan Walker just make a joke?|-I don't know. Let me ask him.

You know, you're pretty funny|when you're depressed.

-Well, get ready for comedy.|-Another one!

A few more, I'll take you back to|the clinic to fix your busted gut.

-You lost it.|-Not funny?

Let's put it this way: anymore|of those, and we'll break again.

Come on, this is it!|Round arms! Seven! Eight!

-How's it going?|-Get ready!

Eleven, ready spiral!

How are you doing?

Other way.

Pull out!

Excuse me. Question:|Exactly how far can you bend over?

-Do you come here a lot?|-Yeah.

-It's really beautiful.|-One of the greatest achievements.

You're the second person|to call me that this week.

-You know the only way to build it?|-Alien slaves from outer space?

Perfect planning.|And doesn't it make so much sense?

You examine a situation, you plan|a course of action, you execute it.

And everything works out fine.

But it doesn't.

Well, that's because most things|in life just aren't that simple.

Does that look simple to you?

You can't imagine how complicated|something like that is to create.

-I thought you used it as a metaphor.|-I did.

-For a relationship.|-Yes.

-Yeah, that's what I thought.|-I mean...

I know I didn't know|Amy incredibly well...

but it just felt like|everything added up.

-Are you a Math major?|-No, Structural Engineering.

-I'm done with it.|-Engineering?

Relationships.

They're just too much.|It's not worth it.

"Assentior".

-I hear you, brother. Latin.|-What is it with the Latin?

-My major.|-Latin?

-Yeah.|-Why?

-Why not?|-What are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to Italy for|my graduate school!

And after that?

I don't know.

See? You're amazing.|I could never do that.

-You mean not have a plan?|-Or something.

But... then again, why would|you ever need a plan?

I'm sure you've always had all you|wanted, whether you knew it or not.

You know, that's true.

The first time I really wanted|something and went for it...

it was Michael.|And it turned out great!

I just figured you being a junior,|you'd have it all figured out by now.

-That's what you think, huh?|-No, but I'm dumb. Isn't that right?

And uptight. And ugly,|if I remember correctly!

No, I said all of that|before I was on Prozac.

-You're on Prozac?|-I wish.

It's a joke.

It's okay.

I should go. I still have some|more studying to do. Finals.

Me too.|I'm gonna stay.

All right.

-So I'll see you around.|-Yeah.

I'm sorry about Amy.

It's okay.

-Did you get all your classes?|-All but one.

-The elusive one.|-Yes.

-So did you have a good summer?|-Yeah.

-I just went back to LA. You?|-Stayed here.

Learned how to butter bagels|for a living. It's surprisingly easy.

-You swipe it once back and forth.|-I take mine plain.

-Of course you do.|-No regulations for the Internet!

-So summer was good?|-Yeah.

Everything's good.|It's good.

Jennifer, are you okay?

I pushed him away. I literally|did everything in my power...

...to make sure that he dumped me!|-Obviously, you didn't like him.

No, that's the thing. I thought|it was just a summer fling...

but I actually started|to like him!

Then why'd you push him away?

I don't know. I just...

-It's just such a pain in the ass!|-Yes. Yes, it is.

What about you?|Did you get any this summer?

-Well, l... no.|-You've got the right idea.

You know, we should|do this again sometime.

Not the whole crying thing,|but, you know... this.

Sure.

Good.

Just another law suit.

-Hello. Wanna go do something?|-No!

-You haven't heard my proposal.|-It's the beauty of our friendship:

I don't need to hear your proposal|to know that my answer is "no".

I am the beauty in|our friendship.

-I'm hanging up now.|-You can't.

-Give me one good reason!|-'Cause...

I've rigged an explosive device to|your phone, and your place will blow.

Well, I've been|burned before, so...

Come on.|I can't study anymore.

I'm getting too smart.|People will start shunning me.

-Only if you beg me.|-I just did.

In Latin.

Come on!

-You weren't gonna go.|-I was too!

-You weren't going!|-Ladies first.

Okay. Fine.

Why don't I count for you?

-Okay.|-All right.

One.

Two.

-Three!|-Three. Here we go.

-You know, I can't help you.|-You can help me at the bottom.

Do you think I'd look good|with a goatee?

No.

Wait! This is crazy!|I'm not a natural dancer.

-No one in my family is!|-Just move. Have fun!

We're here to have fun. You, me|and that pubic hair on your chin.

Just follow him and|do what he does!

Where are you going?|It's this way, man!

-This isn't so bad.|-Good!

Come here.

You've never been|with a woman before?

I've lived with the monks my|whole life. Until yesterday.

I walked into the monsignor's office,|turned in my rosary beads and collar...

got my deposit back,|and now here I am...

playing this strange game|of sticks and balls.

-It's called pool.|-Pool.

-I have so much to learn.|-I'll teach you.

Here. Okay.

No, put your...

-Don't hurt him! He's a priest!|-I'm a priest!

How would you like to have a religious|experience with that cue stick?

Please.

Run, father, run!

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