Boys on the Side Page #7

ROBIN:

And you can't live a lie. You just can't.

HOLLY:

Well, there's lying and then there's just not telling.

ELAINE:

She's a black lesbian?

ABE:

Yes, ma'am. That's right.

ELAINE:

And she was living here, with you?

HOLLY:

No, no, no, no. She was just living here. They

weren't like, f***ing or anything...Were you?

ELAINE:

Were you?

ABE:

Were you?

ROBIN:

I'll get the coffee.

SCENE 67

ABE:

I have to get going, Babe.

HOLLY:

Why? Your shift doesn't start until 10:30. Don't you

wanna go upstairs for a while?

ABE:

No, not tonight. Um, it was nice meeting you ma'am.

ELAINE:

You're going already?

ABE:

Yes.

ELAINE:

We have dessert.

ABE:

Maybe next time, thank you. Uh Robin, good night.

ROBIN:

Good night.

HOLLY:

Maybe I'm just too fat now.

ELAINE:

Don't worry, Dear. It's a natural thing.

SCENE 68

ELAINE:

Will they live here after they get married?

ROBIN:

Who?

ELAINE:

Holly and um...oh, that nice young man. What is his

name?

ROBIN:

Oh, Abe...um...Well, I'm not sure she wants to marry

him.

ELAINE:

A pregnant girl? Is she crazy? She should grab him.

ROBIN:

Well, it's not really his baby.

ELAINE:

So what? She still should grab him. Believe me, I

know what she's going to have to go through. You

know, I'm a feminist, too. I was a single mother

after your father left. You think that was easy? I

even voted for Carter twice. But you can't fight

nature. God knows you girls keep trying. Treating

your men like side dishes. Stick a fork in when

needed. Just like men used to treat us.

ROBIN:

Mother, who am I treating? Do you see a man here

anywhere?

ELAINE:

No, I don't. And I think it's a problem.

SCENE 69

ELAINE:

I don't understand why you don't come home.

ROBIN:

I like it here, Mom.

ELAINE:

You're not exactly bubbling over with happiness.

ROBIN:

It's a life, Mom. It's not a hayride.

SCENE 70

ELAINE:

Honey, what is this? Oh my gosh! The police are

here!

ROBIN:

Yes, I see the police, Mother.

JANE:

What the f*** is goin' on? What the hell is goin' on?

POLICE:

Hold it.

JANE:

Okay.

HOLLY:

Jane, what are you doing here?

ABE:

I called her. I thought that she should know.

ROBIN:

Know what?

HOLLY:

He's arresting me.

ROBIN:

What for?

ABE:

You know what for, Robin. Pittsburgh.

JANE:

You told him?

ABE:

Yes, she told me. And I take this name seriously. I

cannot tell a lie.

JANE:

That was Washington, shmuck!

ABE:

Whatever. Anyway, I'm going to stand by Holly one-

hundred percent. But I am sworn to uphold the law.

And I don't believe I would be any use to her

whatsoever if I broke my oath. Now would I?

HOLLY:

He really loves me.

JANE:

Oh yeah, I can tell by the manacles on your wrists!

ROBIN:

Don't say a word. Not to him, not to anybody. We'll

get you a lawyer.

HOLLY:

I'll miss you guys.

ABE:

Now I promise you that they are going to treat her

right. They know that she is going to be my future

wife.

JANE:

Son-of-a-b*tch!

ELAINE:

Honey, what in the world is going on? I feel like

I've just seen "America's Most Wanted" in person.

JANE:

This has got to be the mother.

ROBIN:

Jane, please.

ELAINE:

Yes, I am. And who are you?

JANE:

I'm the lesbo. I used to live here until your

daughter threw me out.

ELAINE:

Well, I'm sorry.

ROBIN:

Mother.

JANE:

Yeah, me too. But I think this makes her real happy,

because now she's got the whole house to herself.

ROBIN:

Cut it out. You're just being a baby. Jane, stop!

You know, she's going to need our help.

JANE:

No, not our help. I'll take care of this myself.

ROBIN:

Okay.

JANE:

Okay.

ROBIN:

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.

SCENE 71

ELAINE:

They do that now, don't they?

ROBIN:

What?

ELAINE:

Call themselves "lesbos."

ROBIN:

Oh, Mom.

ELAINE:

And she makes it sound like a compliment.

SCENE 72

HENRY:

She wants to confess. She says she doesn't want to

bring a child into a world of lies.

ABE:

Well you have nothing to worry about Henry. Holly has

promised me that she is going to keep her mouth shut

as long as does not have to lie out loud.

JANE:

We wouldn't even be here if wasn't for you, you brown-

nosin' putz!

ABE:

I took an oath, Jane.

JANE:

Yeah, you took a f***ing oath, man. Now were stuck

here in Pittsburgh and Holly's on trial because of

your oath!

SCENE 73

JANE:

So what exactly do they have?

HENRY:

Nothing. Except for Abe's testimony and that's just

hearsay.

ABE:

That is the truth.

JANE:

Oh, shut up! Nobody wants to hear the truth. But

aside from that, what do they have?

ABE:

They...they have the Polaroid.

JANE:

The Polaroid?

ABE:

Yes. I mentioned that I had seen a snapshot.

HENRY:

It's on the list of exhibits. I mean, come on. What

the hell can they do with that?

SCENE 74

LAWYER:

Cold blooded. Cruel. Inhuman. What words would you

use to describe a woman who posed and took this

photograph? This is a photograph of a man who in a

few short hours will be dead from a wound inflicted by

this woman that you see before you.

SCENE 75

LAWYER:

...and not surprisingly, everything that you

say...everything that you say tends to exonerate your

friend.

JANE:

Sorry. It's just the truth.

LAWYER:

And perhaps not coincidentally, it tends to exonerate

you.

JANE:

There are no charges against me.

LAWYER:

Yet.

JANE:

Oh, come on. Your Honor, is he allowed to just

intimidate me like this?

JUDGE:

Mr. Massarelli, please.

LAWYER:

Oh, I apologize your Honor. It was unintentional.

What is the nature of your friendship with Ms. Holly

Pulchik?

JANE:

Excuse me?

LAWYER:

Oh, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase the question. How

would you characterize your friendship?

JANE:

I would call her my friend. I mean, come on. What is

this "friendship" stuff about?

LAWYER:

That's precisely what I'm trying to find out. Let me

put this delicately to avoid offending the court. Is

there a "romantic" character to your friendship?

HENRY:

Objection!

JUDGE:

Over ruled. You may proceed Mr. Massarelli.

LAWYER:

To repeat Ms. Deluca, is there a romantic character to

your friendship with the defendant?

JANE:

No, Mr. Massaralli, there is not.

LAWYER:

Massarelli.

JANE:

I'm sorry. Unintentional.

LAWYER:

You are, however, one of these gay women that we read

about, or do you prefer lesbian?

JANE:

Do I prefer them to you?

LAWYER:

Are you gay?

JANE:

Do I look gay?

LAWYER:

Your Honor?

JUDGE:

Please answer the question.

LAWYER:

Are-you-gay?

JANE:

Yes-I-am. And I'm sure you hear that women all the

time. And in my case, it happens to be true.

SCENE 76

JANE:

(Talking on the telephone): She's scared shitless,

just like I would be after today. No, I don't want

you to do that Anna, okay? I don't want you to do

that. I'll call you tonight, all right? Good-bye.

(To Abe):
You shmuck!

ABE:

You did your best.

JANE:

Yeah, I did, which is more than I can say for you.

ABE:

Justice is hard.

JANE:

Justice? You call this justice? This girl protects

herself against some marauding a**hole who uses her

body as a punching bag, and she's going to jail? You

call that justice! Is that what you want?

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