Boys on the Side Page #9

JANE:

No ma'am.

ROBIN:

Good.

JANE:

I'm gonna go call Anna, she's got a...

ROBIN:

Okay.

JANE:

Yeah?

ROBIN:

Go ahead....

JANE:

Wait a minute. What's the matter? Hey! Hey! Hey!

Abe! ABE!

SCENE 81

JANE:

(Talking on the telephone): Elaine? Jane. Listen.

I'm sorry to wake you, but we're back in Tucson and

she's in the hospital.

SCENE 82Elaine runs to the hospital and finds

Robin laying in bed in her room.

SCENE 83Alex meets Jane at the hospital.

SCENE 84

PSYCHIC:

What curse, Honey? Who?

JANE:

One of my friends. Remember when I came to see you,

you said there was a curse on a friend of mine? It's

my friend, Robin. She's...Look, you know, I don't

believe in this stuff. You know that. I just thought

it couldn't hurt to come and see you.

PSYCHIC:

Oh, Robin. That's the girl with AIDS. Anna's friend.

JANE:

She's my friend.

PSYCHIC:

Oh, boy uh, let's see...

JANE:

So can you do it?

PSYCHIC:

Do what?

JANE:

Take the curse off of her. You said you could...

PSYCHIC:

It's AIDS, Honey.

JANE:

I know that, but right now it's just a lung infection,

see, and...I don't want a miracle. I just want to

give her a 51-49 shot. I mean look, I brought money.

I could pay you right now.

PSYCHIC:

Pay when it works. I can't promise anything.

SCENE 85

JANE:

Don't wake her up.

NURSE:

Just doing my job. (To Elaine): Is that a cold? She

can't afford an infection. I'll have to mask you.

JANE:

Are you blind? Can't you see she's been crying? It's

her mother.

NURSE:

People think that they're being nice but they come

here with colds and it's not a nice...

JANE:

It's not a goddamn cold. Don't be such a hoo-hoo!

NURSE:

And what's a hoo-hoo?

ELAINE:

It's a c*nt, Dear. Now why don't you leave us alone?

SCENE 86

ROBIN:

Tommy? Tommy?

JANE:

Hey. It's just me.

ROBIN:

I know.

JANE:

Okay.

ROBIN:

Where's Mom?

JANE:

She had to go back to the house.

ROBIN:

Will you call her?

JANE:

Sure. (Talking to Elaine on the telephone): Yeah,

hi. Uh, she's asking for you. (To Robin): Do you

want me to get a doctor?

ROBIN:

No. No....I had a crush on a woman once. I was ten.

JANE:

That's when I had crushes on boys.

ROBIN:

She was a strawberry blonde. That's what my mom

called her. She was a baby-sitter at the hotel we

stayed at right before my Dad went to Vietnam. She

was beautiful. Strawberry blonde.

JANE:

I used to be a strawberry blonde, too.

ROBIN:

It was me you loved, wasn't it?

JANE:

Yeah. Still do.

ROBIN:

Well, I loved you, too. I don't want a funeral, but

Mom will. But it's got to be here. Don't let her

take me back to San Diego.

JANE:

Okay.

ROBIN:

And afterwards, have a big party at the house. Okay?

JANE:

Okay.

ROBIN:

Big party.

JANE:

A big party.

SCENE 87

NURSE:

You can do it! Push! Push! Come on Holly, you can

do it! Push right into it. Take a deep breath. Good!

Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!

DOCTOR:

Give us a real good push now....The head is coming.

SCENE 88Abe visits Holly in the hospital.

SCENE 89

ABE:

I wanted to be here to help her with the breathing and

everything.

JANE:

Next time. Next time. Have you ever seen one of

these things?

ABE:

Uh uh.

JANE:

They're really ugly.

ABE:

Where are they?

JANE:

Let's go. Whoa, wait a minute! Come on, man!

SCENE 90

ABE:

Firstad. Mitchell. Pulchik.

JANE:

Don't look at me.

SCENE 91

EVERYONE:

Welcome back!

ABE:

You made it. You're back home.

ELAINE:

Isn't she beautiful?

HOLLY:

Hi, little one. Hello. Welcome. Welcome Mary Todd.

(Holly hands the baby to Robin).

JANE:

Push it right out.

SCENE 92Everyone is singing "Mellow Yellow" at the

party outside.

SCENE 93

JANE:

It was rough goin' in there. But she managed to pull

herself through, you know. And the next day the

Pentamidine kicked in, so....

HOLLY:

What are her T-cells now?

JANE:

Uh, they're about 35. They were under 20 before.

HOLLY:

She just...she doesn't look good.

JANE:

She looks great.

SCENE 94

JANE:

Everyone, welcome Holly home, with her new baby and

her new husband Abe. We're all glad to be here with

our friends. And I want you right now, ladies and

gentlemen, to put your hands together and give a round

of warm applause, to 1983's fourth runner-up in the

"Star Search" talent competition!

ELAINE:

No! No! No! Jane! Jane! It was third runner-up,

not fourth. I told her. Fourth was this terrible

little boy tap dancer with pimples. He only got that

far because he cheated. I mean, that is the only

reason that I...

ALEX:

Elaine.

ELAINE:

What?

JERRY:

Shut up.

ELAINE:

Jerry!

ROBIN:

(Singing):
"Every time I look into your loving

eyes...I see love that money just can't buy...

JANE:

(Singing):
"One look, from you...I drift away...I

pray that you are here to stay...Anything you want,

you got it...Anything you need, you got it...Anything

at all, you got it...Baby...Every time I hold you I

begin to understand...Everything about you tells me

that I'm your best friend...So I live my life to be

with you... 'Cause no one can do the things you

do...Anything you want, you got it...Anything you

need, you got it...Anything at all, you got

it...Baby...Anything you need...Anything you

want...you got it...Anything you need, you got it..."

SCENE 95Jane looks at Robin's empty wheelchair.

HOLLY:

Ready to go?

JANE:

Yeah.

HOLLY:

Okay. But you better be back for Christmas because

Mary Todd's expecting you.

JANE:

Yeah, I will.

HOLLY:

You make sure you call me as soon as you get to L.A.

I want to know how the audition goes.

JANE:

Okay, Mom!

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