Brassed Off Page #2

-Andy Barrow.

Andy Barrow.

-God, you haven't changed a bit.

-You have.

-What are you up to now, then?

-This and that, y'know, keeping busy.

Hey, that's not...is it?

He Ieft it me in his will. Couldn't

let it go to rust, could I?

Clever oId sod. Even when he were

gone he made sure l'd take it up.

WelI I know it won't be t'same, but

it'd be loveIy just to hear it again.

-OK.

-What do you know?

Well, l've been practising...

-Rodrigo's Concerto D'A ranjuez.

-You what?

-Orange juice to you.

-Oh, aye.

-l'm a bit wobbly stiII.

-Don't you fret, pet.

Wobbly'd be too

good for this Iot.

Paul, the music. Bernie, get her

a stand.

OK, everyone.

AlI right?

Are we aIl together?

Andy, Iad, are you with us?

Poor Iad. Still got your mind

on that pit?

All right lads.

Rodrigo's Concerto...

D'Orange Juice.

And she calIs that wobbly.

-Well done, lass.

-Well done, love.

BIoody great.

-You doing anything at the weekend?

-No.

Right lads, listen up.

SaddIeworth tomorrow.

14 villages, love. Contest in each.

AII at the same time. Cash prizes.

So, any road, lads...

big chance to swelI the coffers

tomorrow, so...

we're going for all fourteen.

-Are you on, love?

-lf l'm allowed.

Don't be soft, Iass.

You were born here.

It's a profitable pit, this.

There's hundreds of years of coal

down there...

but it doesn't matterto them

bastards. We're making money for'em...

hand over fist, we are.

And stiII they want to shut us down.

-WelI, teII them bollocks to them.

-That's up to you Iot isn't it, Iad?

WeII, thank Christ

it isn't up to you.

Jesus, we shouIdn't have even Iet the

offer be put on't table.

They're just bIoody puppets, that Iot.

They do whateverthe bastards want.

-Phil, Iad.

-We didn't do what they wanted in '84.

No, we dug

us heels in, didn't we?

Aye, and some of us got bloody

Iocked up for it.

Big bloody deaI.

Hey, suspended I were.

It took that lot a year and a half

to get me reinstated.

That's eighteen month on bloody

strike pay.

-With a wife, bloody kids, mortgage.

-lt's ten years ago, paI.

Aye, ten years.

And l were that bloody broke, l'm

stiII frigging paying for it.

That's how big a f***ing deaI

it were.

Hey, where were

you then, eh, pal?

In '84?

I don't remember

seeing you on t'line.

Oh aye, we aII know which way

you'lI be voting.

-Come on then, you bastard.

-Anytime.

Leave it out.

Listen!

That's just what they're bIoody

wanting, you know that, don't you?

AII right, this is what you've got:

ballot next week, right?

You've got two options.

One:
you can vote to take pit to

Review Procedure.

Obviously that's one we want, because

we reckon you've got a decent chance.

Or, two...

-You can vote to take pay-off.

-Get stuffed.

Listen, Iisten. They told us

Iast night...

that redundancy offer's gone up

three thousand...

from a twenty grand maximum

to twenty three...

with a five grand sweetener.

This is only a temporary offer.

lf you say no, they're pulling any

future offer down to a fIat fifteen.

Bastards!

-Born bastards, stay bastards.

-That's right.

WeII it's no good shouting now Iads,

do it next week in the ballot.

Say no to bloody bIackmaiI...

-and yes to keeping this pit aIive.

-That's what we want.

The miners united will never

be defeated.

Poor biddies. Don't they know they're

pissing into t'wind like rest of us?

-Can they do that, women?

-What?

-Piss in the wind.

-No, Ernie, that's just the point.

But even on a nice day, y'know, when

there's no wind about, they can't ...

-y'know, get any direction on it.

-Well aIl right, whatever it is...

that Iasses do that's pointIess.

-Bloody hell, so much to choose from.

Fart in a force ten?

My God Phil, you don't half know

some funny women.

Steady, Iads,

my missus does that.

Oh you daft bastards.

"Women against CIosure"?

That is when she's not farting

in a force ten.

-Morning, love.

-See you.

lf I don't have a day away

on my own...

l'm going to go frigging barmy,

honest I am. l'll kill someone.

-WeII, go somewhere tomorrow, eh?

-PhiI...

l'm off today,

or I'm off for good.

Give me some money.

-Oh hey love, l've only got a tenner.

-Atenner'II do.

But it's SaddIeworth, and me dad'll

kiII me if l don't turn up.

And l will if you do.

Isn't life just sh*t?

On your head, Dad?

Course the offer's attractive. lt's

tantamount to bribery.

They want Grimley closed, for

whatever reason, nobody knows...

-they think by dangIing a carrot...

-This just came for you.

Oh, ta.

Thanks.

They want jobs, a future. They want

an industry, and come the ballot...

-that's what they'll be voting for.

-Yes. That's right.

...the hearing decides the pit has a

sound economic future...

then we shaII abide by that decision

and work towards it.

Naturally, l mean, nobody wants

Grimley to cIose.

Oh I'm bIoody

starving, aren't you?

Let's see whatwe've got.

Dad, who were that?

Just a couple of feIIas.

-Are you in troubIe, Dad?

-Your dad in trouble?

Looked like they were going

to smack you.

Aye, they were lad.

They were from t'council.

Leisure department.

They said that if we don't have

fun today...

-we are in big, big troubIe.

-Dad, I'm eight and a haIf now.

Are you?

Well you can heIp me find t'bastard

tin opener then, can't you?

GIoria Mullins?

What, Melons Mullins? Lived up Donny

Road? Chubby lass?

We used to sing that hymn: Gloria

in XL.

That's her, except she's

far from chubby now, Iike.

Aye, l remember her.

-You had her, behind t'bus station.

-No l never.

You toId us you did.

No. It were top half only.

-Does she remember?

-Does she heII as like.

-Couldn't even remember my name.

-Oh, get away.

Bet that's why she's come back.

To complete unfinished business.

What are you smiling at?

Another?

All right, go on then.

What the bleeding hell

are you two doing?

We fancied a game of golf, Iike.

You daft gawpheads. You never

resigned, did you?

Sat there like a couple of oId

biddies and paid t'money, didn't you?

OId Danny taIked us round, like.

He were very persuasive.

-We had no option, lover, honestIy.

-No bollocks, more like.

I reckon it were sommat to do with

bollocks that got us to stay.

-No bloody gumption, them two.

-Soup for brains, the pair of them.

Excuse me, where's the

Collier's Arms?

Hanging off his shoulders, pet.

-The oId one's are the best, eh?

-lt's the young ones we worry about.

-Off to Saddleworth, are you?

-That's right.

-FoIIow them two daft 'aporths.

-Ta.

-Hey, love?

-Yeah?

-Joined band last night, did you?

-Yeah. How did you know that?

Just something me husband

never said.

Aye, I am.

-What?

-Thinking what you're thinking.

-Eh, up.

-What are you doing?

-Don't sit on that.

-Get off.

-Eh, up, Iads.

-All right?

-Hi Danny,

-Paul.

Oh, teII me you're bloody joking

son, please.

-Sorry. AII of us or none at aII.

-Why for Christ's sake?

lt were them men from t'P leasure

Department, Grandad.

-You what?

-Anyway...

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