Brassed Off Page #3

nowt wrong with a bit of vocal

support, eh?

-l hope you feel as good as you look.

-l'm nervous.

Get away with you. Your grandad would

be proud of you. Go on, in you get.

-Eh, up GIoria.

-Hey oggle-eyes, is that the lot?

No, no, no there's ...

There's one more,

as per bIoody usual.

Poor lass.

All she wants is a nice day out and

she gets stuck between them 2 buggers.

Sh*t.

Oh, sorry Harry.

-Come here, darling

-Thanks a lot, Kylie.

There you go, mate. What

were aII that about?

Here comes Fast bloody Eddie now.

Come on Andy lad. Step on it.

Sorry.

-AII right StanIey, that's the lot.

-What about these two here?

Bloody heII.

Don't look Iike that, Danny lad.

lt's nearest colours we could find.

-What are you doing?

-We'vejust founded t'fan cIub.

Well l don't think we...

Look ladies, l mean, this is

traditionalIy a...

-male onIy excursion. You know that.

-New Iass on board, is she?

Aye. That's different.

I mean, she's very taIented.

Aye, l know, we saw her.

l'll have you know, that girl bIows

flugeI Iike a dream.

Danny Ormondroyd!

At your age!

Come on love, it's not

"What's my Iine?" .

Well, l'm a surveyor.

BIimey. What, you mean like a

quantity surveyor?

-Kind of.

-Want to survey my quantity, Iove?

WelI I do say

"no job too smaII" .

Get away love. Take you a bloody

fortnight, this one.

We had no option,

Iover, honest.

Shift up, duck.

Eh, up PhiI, groupies are on.

Sex, drugs and rock and roll,

eh girls?

Aye, except we can do without

drugs and rock and roII.

Laughing. They were bloody

laughing at us.

Look at them. If they were alive

today, they'd turn in their graves.

And if Arthur MulIins was Iooking

down on us, weII God bIoody heIp us.

l mean,

is this what it's come to?

Bits of trombone flying

alI over t'shop?

Stopping t'march to change

bloody nappies?

Too bIoody bewied to stay on

t'buggering bandstand.

We may as well

aIl bIoody give up.

I reckon we

aIready have, Dan.

That's kind of why itwent

like it did.

Reckon we thought we'd go out

on a high note.

Happen our idea of a high note's a

bit different from yours, like.

Go out? What are you talking about

Ernie, go out?

Danny lad,

you've got to face it.

-lf pit goes, band goes with it.

-When pit goes.

If.

However balIot goes, they'lI

still cIose the bugger.

Not necessariIy.

It depends on the...

On that review thingy.

Surely?

Trouble with you lot is you've

got no pride.

And you know one thing more than owt

eIse here that symbolises pride?

It's this bIoody band,

that's what. Ask anybody.

l mean, if they cIose down the pit,

knock it down...

fiIl it up, Iike they've done with

all t'bloody rest, no trace.

Years to come, there'lI onIy be one

reminder...

Of hundred bIoody years hard graft:

this bloody band.

Oh, they can shut up the unions,

they can shut up the workers...

but I'll teII you one thing for

nothing, they'II never shut us up.

We'll play on. Loud as ever. Starting

with National Semis in HaIifax.

Win them and we can carry

our heads high and march...

on to the Albert bIoody Hall,

aIl right?

-Are we pIaying or are we packing in?

-Playing.

Sorry.

No, don't you worry, flower.

You've nowt to be ashamed of.

No bugger eIse, then?

Danny, l reckon l speak

for everybody.

We'll play on whiIe pit's open...

-Minute they close it, we pack it in.

-Aye, right.

-You can't ask for more than that.

-Hear hear.

No.

Obviously not.

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

Moving words.

-What?

-Back there. Danny.

Aye, daft old codger. lf it weren't

for band, he'd pop his clogs.

I wondered if you fancied some grub?

-Where?

-Don't know. l'll go posh if you want.

-Andy.

All right, Phil.

-Have you seen me dad?

-Aye he's stiII inside, I think.

-WeII?

-All right.

You all right, Dad?

Thank you for

your support, son.

Oh, Iisten, Phil lad.

I've been thinking, right...

Semi-Final's no place for

Better find yourself

a new bit of brass.

I'm not forking out for a new

trombone just for one performance.

One?

What about the Albert HaII?

Now normaIIy l'd say get summat

cheap, but...

but you're a bloody good trombonist

lad, you need a bloody good trombone.

Dad...

l like the band. I love the band,

we aII do.

But there's other things in Iife,

you know, that's more important.

Not in mine, there isn't .

What's that on your hankie?

Oh, nowt.

Chain come off me bike.

Didn't realise we were going this

posh, I'd have got doIIed up.

You know back there, when Danny said

you'd nowt to be ashamed of?

Is that right, then?

You work for bloody management

don't you?

-Andy, I'm just...

-F***.

l just compiIe surveys, Andy, just do

viability studies, boring, maybe...

-but hardly summat to be ashamed of.

-No?

-Kept very quiet about it.

-Cause I knew you'd get it aII wrong.

-Oh, aye?

-l'm on the same side as you, Andy.

l want Grimley to stay open too, and

once it gets to review...

-I can help it stay open with my report.

-BoIlocks.

My figures show GrimIey has a future,

it's a profitable pit.

They know that. It'lI never reach

review. The lads'll go for redundancy.

And that's another thing that you

lot know...

just how much to offer

to get a resuIt.

Every miner l've spoken to is

voting to stay put.

Do you think they'd telI you

any different?

Four to one

it'lI go for pay-off.

-You're voting to stay put?

-Course l bloody am.

Then you must

have some hope.

No hope.

Just principles.

It's your first job for them,

isn't it?

Otherwise you'd know that your report

means as much as we do. Bugger aIl.

lt's just a

bIoody PR exercise.

So blind, naive peopIe, peopIe not

unlike yourseIf...

wiII think those good eggs at Head

Office have been very fair...

very reasonable. Done

their best, done their sums...

and, oh dear, they

just don't add up.

They'll have to cIose another pit.

Shame.

They won't even

read the bugger.

They've aIready made their decision,

probably when you were at college.

Oh, don't be ridicuIous.

Anyway, if my job's so bloody

irrelevant...

how come you

hate me so much?

l don't have you, I...

-Who's the haddock?

-She is.

l chose Grimley, you know.

They offered me other pits, but l

chose Grimley for two reasons.

Because if I could help keep one pit

aIive, I wanted it to be this one.

Second...

Hey, isn't that...

where the old bus station was?

-l didn't think you'd remember.

-How could I forget?

I'm sorry. FumbIings of a fourteen

year old.

What did we call it?

Top half onIy.

Can hardly have been worth it

at that age. Just kids.

-l'd get better value now.

-Well that's inflation for you.

l did know your name,

you know.

When l called you

Barry Andrews.

l just didn'twant

you to think...

I don't know.

That it was etched forever

on me brain.

'Cause it hasn't been,

has it?

Do you want to come

up for a coffee?

l don't drink coffee.

I haven't got any.

-Eh up, Phil.

-Jesus Christ.

Did you Iike it so much you want

to go back?

-What?

-WakefieId Prison?

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