Breakup at a Wedding Page #6

you're not gonna remember any of this.

I wanna make love

to your wedding!

Yeah! I have no idea

who that guy is!

This wedding thing just

spiralled out of control, Damian,

and it's really just

a timing thing, I swear.

You know what

I'm capable of.

You know my work ethic.

We're gonna get

this money back.

The Midguard development's

about to close.

We're gonna be flush.

The money's coming in.

I know this isn't

a big deal to you, Damian.

What do you honestly think

I'm gonna say to that?

You're gonna say...

Yes!

I'm your best man.

Come here, you daft bastard.

Look at him, the poor sod, begging

in a hotel toilet on his wedding day.

I know, I know. Right. Let's

go tell 'em. Let's go tell 'em.

We'll do the deed.

Okay, everybody. Okay,

everybody. Move aside. Move aside.

Red Sea, part.

Here comes Moses.

We've got a little

announcement to make tonight.

Where's the bride? Where's the

blushing bride? Alice. Alice.

Alison. Alison. Alice

is short for Alison.

Anyway, we've got something

rather special to say to you.

This wonderful man, with a bit of

help, admittedly, from yours truly,

has done something

rather wonderful today.

He has bought you a...

drumroll...

a house.

A whole house,

everybody.

A little one,

but a whole house. Yes.

A little place to call

your own. A little place...

Thank you, Damian.

Whoo! I'm nervous.

I feel like

I'm proposing again.

Um, Alison...

Do you remember that

beautiful little house...

on 41 Gregor Way

that, um, we walked past...

for the last year,

and you told me

how much you love it,

and it's got the beautiful baby blue

shutters that I said match your eyes?

Well...

That's our house, baby.

We need to talk.

Right now?

Yeah.

Okay, let's go talk.

Can you guys just give us

a few seconds, like...

Just don't film this part.

Like, just don't film this part.

Good? Come on.

I'm not missing this

for sh*t.

This is gonna be

my masterpiece.

I wanna marry you.

I wanna make it official.

I want the world to know

that I'm your husband.

All we have to do is sign.

But why did you go along

with everything?

When have I not

had your back?

I love you.

And if something were

to happen to me, like,

you know, I fell off

the back of a yacht...

and ended up in some hospital

in the deep South with amnesia.

That's the plot

of Overboard.

And Kurt and Goldie are still going

strong. But they're not married.

'Cause they're

a bunch of pussies.

Let's get married, baby,

and let's live

in this house...

happily ever after.

You and me,

Are you guys back there?

Oh, there you are.

What's happening?

We're dead tired.

That was a great,

great party.

Are you guys taking

off already? Yeah. Yeah.

- Did you have a good time?

- Sure, sure.

It was fun, right?

It was beautiful.

You're leaving?

Doesn't she look good?

Dad, it's so early.

There's something that we

wanna give you from both of us.

We love you very much, and

we're proud of you, tall man.

Oh, Hugh. Oh, thank you.

That is...

We don't want it.

- Don't you think we should talk about this?

- There you are.

- I'm looking for you.

- Oh, well, you found us.

And you're not gonna leave

until I have a dance with Helena.

Right? Come on. Come on,

Hughie. Let's go. Come on.

You haven't danced all night.

You're gonna come dance with me.

All right.

What the... Alison?

What?

I know you have your daddy

issues and all... My daddy issues?

Shut up, Phil! God forbid

anybody do anything nice for us.

You know what? I have worked hard so

I can pay for this wedding ourselves.

Oh, oh. Now you're

just getting mean.

You know what?

I agreed to your evil plan.

I... I get my heart broken

on our wedding day.

And now you want me

to be broke too?

Come on, Al! So what if

your parents aren't together?

So what if your dad is boning some

Eastern European lady who talks funny?

At least he's here for you.

Grow up! Get over it.

Are you guys

still filming this?

Can you just... Can you just focus on

our guests for a little while, please?

This is not... I don't

wanna see this in the movie.

How's it going?

Pretty great, thanks.

Listen, don't do

anything stupid.

What the hell are you talking

about? It's not worth it, Alison.

Uh-huh.

Your flowers!

No! Ugh.

Alison?

Florist?

Florist!

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you love Phil and Alison,

make some noise!

- This is from Alison? This is

the surprise cake? - Yeah.

I love my iPhone.

She hates it when I...

Right. And that's for a

little cake for her. Of course.

Um...

Is there a special way

we're supposed to do this, or...

However you want to cut it, Phil. Okay.

Where is Alison?

Will you help me find... - Teera went

to get her. She went to get her.

All right.

Here we go. We'll

start here on this end.

All right. Well, hey.

And that one.

I wish my wife was here.

All right.

These three are mine.

What are you laughing at?

You've never seen anybody eat...

Alison's here right now,

right, we're...

I love it.

Eat, please.

This is America.

It's a wedding. It's not a...

It's not a free-for-all buffet...

where you come and go as you

damn well please, you know?

Right? Am I right? Don't

tell me. I know I'm right.

'Cause why would you go to a

haberdasher to get your shoes done?

That's what a cobbler's for.

You know, it makes no sense.

Oh! Oh! No, thank you! No, no!

You know, I'd drink my

own tears for this country.

That's the state of the union

that we're in.

And it's like P-I-C-S-H.

Play it cool, hotshot.

That was weird.

Uh, that's why you would

never send your shoes...

Hey, sticky fingers!

I see what you're doing.

Yeah? What of it?

Give us... You're taking our

wine. Give us our wine back.

Does this look like wine? It's

whiskey, and, yeah, I'm taking it.

Well, first off, yes,

it looks like wine.

And second off, who are you?

Prince Albert in a can?

No. My character's name is

Thantos, all right? Give me this!

Whoa, whoa. Put it back

down. Give it to me!

No.

There goes your hat!

How you gonna

marry people in space?

I guess we're gonna

find out, aren't we?

Man, the Sasquatch

is running amok.

Amok.

What the hell

are you doing?

Stop it! Stop, stop!

No, no, no!

Goddamn it!

Let go of my sister!

I don't wanna fight you!

I don't wanna fight you.

I don't wanna

fight you guys.

Aw, sh*t.

Shut up!

Shut up!

- Can't do it, man.

- That's my best man in there, you know?

He's really not some

crazy animal of a dude.

He's just a high school teacher.

We were having a great time.

Come on. You know

how this goes, Owen.

It's different circumstances

now. I have a new partner.

The training process is...

I'm Phil.

Nice to meet you.

How's the townhouse?

Right? The ladies love it,

right?

Come on, Owen. I'm asking you

for a favor on my wedding day.

I never asked you for a...

I know this is out of line.

- What is this... a reality show?

- These... cameras for?

All right, guys. Can you back off a little

bit, please? Just let me handle this.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes