Breathless Page #5

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out of me.

I swear to God,

Dale loves that dog

as if it's his own

flesh and blood.

Earl, stop.

You're gonna track this mess

all over this house.

My God, get out of here.

He seized Dale's hand.

Good.

I hope he comes back

and cleans up the rest of this mess.

What the hell have you got to be

so mirthful about?

Oh, God, Tiny,

you should see yourself.

You look like hell.

Well, you just look dandy

yourself.

Does this blood

making me look fat?

God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shoot.

Oh, hell, Lorna,

I don't know how we're gonna

get out of this,

but it's been good

knowing you.

It sure has been

a wild ride.

I'll be damned.

This place looks like it's seen

the Second Battle of Bull Run.

Hey. Ah.

Ah, don't try

to be too smart.

Women don't fare too well

when they try to be smart.

Man, my papa always told me

the good Lord never meant

for women

to have idle time

on their hands-

cause nothing

but trouble.

Well, you gals have caused

your fair share here.

Damn, there's more blood

spilled in here

than there's water

in the Rio Grande.

What the hell are you

doing here?

You know him?

Oh, yeah, she knows me

just fine.

Ain't that right, Lorna?

And I know you too.

Are you surprised?

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Maurice Doucette

and I know things.

Yeah, I know, for instance,

your name is Tillie Belle,

but they call you Tiny on account

you so goddamn skinny.

Yeah, you like to smoke

light cigarettes.

You like your Jack Daniels

with a Coke back.

You work Mondays, Tuesdays

and Wednesdays

at the Blue Iguana Bar

on Main Street.

Past few weeks, you've been

behind the bar on Saturdays too,

till about midnight, I believe.

Yeah, am I forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

You like to paint your toenails

flame red.

Very nice.

How do you know

all that?

Mm, how I know it

is not as important

as why I know it.

Ain't that right, Lorna?

What in Sam Hill

is he talking about?

Oh.

Oh, you two gals got a lot

of catching up to do.

And you're gonna have

all the time in the world

once I'm

out of your hair, okay?

That is, of course,

after I get what I come for.

And what would that be?

Oh, Lorna,

you disappoint me.

I thought you hired me

because you heard

of my reputation.

I mean, you know I am

pretty darn good at what I do,

like finding out things.

I mean, that's why folks

call on Maurice Doucette,

P.I.

But I must admit I'm surprised

how things turned out here.

God damn.

I mean, knowing what I know, I expected

a whole different state of affairs.

See, I thought maybe

one of you

or, hell, even both of you

would be dead,

and Dale would be on his merry way

out to Mexico.

Instead there's poor old Dale.

He's deader than

Chief Billy Bowlegs

out of the Third Seminole War,

while you two gals are just

having the time of your lives.

Damn, I never could

understand women.

Why is he saying

that you hired him?

'Cause I did.

That's right.

She did.

She hired the darn best

private investigator in the country.

Ain't that right?

Why would you hire

a private investigator?

To catch that son of a b*tch Dale

cheating on me.

Yeah, and I did too.

I caught the fornicating husband

right in the act.

I mean, like I said,

I am the best.

I always knew

he was a cheating dog.

I guess I just needed

an official confirmation.

Well, I'm glad

I could be of service.

Well, you was.

Now you can leave.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

My job here is not quite done.

No.

You really think I was gonna let

this little robbery business slide

and just collect my $200 fee

and disappear? Huh?

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm talking

about dear old Dale

making away with $100,000

of Red County money.

Shoot.

That's a lot of dough.

I like dough.

It buys me nice clothes.

I like nice clothes.

Well, that's just dandy.

What, did he go and rob that bank

right under your nose?

No. Not quite, no.

No, I didn't add it all up

until I saw the paper this morning.

Then it all made

a whole lot of sense.

- What did?

- Hell, when you spend all your time

following a man around

day in and day out,

you get to know a few things

about the fella.

And after I read

about the robbery,

I put all the pieces together.

Yeah, Dale served two years

at Lovelady State

for armed robbery.

The man used

a Smith & Wesson Model 29

with custom-made

Rio Rosewood grip

for all the holdups.

That's the same gun

described in the paper.

And that's the same one

right here.

And then

there are the boots.

- Boots?

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

See, I'm a fine

boot connoisseur myself.

I can appreciate a fine specimen

of custom-made footwear when I see it.

And the first time I laid eyes

on Dale's boots

I knew I'd never seen

a pair like that before.

What do Dale's boots

gotta do with the robbery?

Ah, well, allow me

to elucidate.

Now I visited

the Waldorf Savings & Loan

after I read about the deed.

Yeah, and I made nice

with the teller.

He's an old-timer.

He's as proud as a parade

to be a part of the great robbery.

And he says to me

that he was just standing at his window

when this highwayman

just waltzed right up to him

and demanded the money.

He says the man acted

like he owned the world

and, hell, wearing a pair of boots

like he was wearing,

he might as well have.

So I asked him,

"What about the boots?"

And he tells me

the man was wearing

the nicest footwear

he's seen this side of Abilene--

a great pair.

A full-quill ostrich vamp

with a smooth,

hand-stitched bovine leg.

One-of-a-kind footwear

and a Rio Rosewood grip

revolver.

Now it's not every day

you see a man commit armed robbery

sporting his favorite duds.

God damn it, Dale.

That is, of course,

unless he was busy with less--

now how shall I say this?

--Savory activities.

Ain't that right, Tiny?

I don't know

what you're talking about.

You don't need to keep

playing dumb, Tiny.

I know you was

screwing Dale.

He didn't surprise me.

But you--

I didn't know

you'd stoop that low.

We've been friends for a lifetime.

Shame on you.

I swear, Lorna,

I didn't so much as touch the man.

Oh, you did a lot more

than touch him.

Oh, yeah, after your shift

at the Blue Iguana,

you two was fornicating

like bunnies.

Go on, tell her

what you done.

She ain't lying.

No.

See, I got some pretty

revealing photographs

of you two lovebirds

getting intimately acquainted

in the backseat

of Dale's car

parked right out

behind the Blue Iguana-

hell of a classy spectacle.

How did you--?

What, how did I suspect?

Dale never smoked nothing

but them stinky cigarettes

that smelled like hell.

And guess what I found

in the ashtray of his car?

What?

Light cigarettes.

Sh*t.

Dale never smoked them

light cigarettes in his life.

- Lots of folks smoke lights.

- Oh, yeah?

And how many of them

work at the Blue Iguana?

You left clues

all over Dale's car.

Oh, but then I found me

one hell of an incriminating

evidence.

Ooh, this here is the real doozy.

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