Bride Wars Page #7

Hello, bride!

[ Deejay ] All right, all right:

Now a little birdie has just told me:::

that we have a bride-to-be

in the house tonight.

- Over here!

- But she has been a very bad bride:

Officer Not-Your-Husband

is here to arrest youI

#I'm a model, You know what I mean #

- #And I do my little turn on the catwalk ##

- You're under arrest...

for being too sexy.

Time to be frisked.

Oh, my goodness!

Great!

We got two brides

in the house tonight!

[ Women Cheering ]

[ Deejay ]

Whoa:
Whoa, whoa: Hold upI

We have two brides

in the house tonight.

Emma, this party is invitation only.

I'm getting married too, baby!

[ Deejay ]

Well, I'll invite you right up there:

- Dj jazzles invites bride number two up on stage:

- Why not?

Come on up here, girlI

We want to see the way you moveI

That's what I'm talking aboutI

Work it out, girlI

You can't even let me

have my own bachelorette party?

Much the way you couldn't let me

have Dj Humble. That was low, Liv.

By the way, did you hear?

I'm not pregnant, okay?

I say it's time for a dance-off. Dance-off!.

Dance-off!. Dance-off!.

Dance-off!. Dance-off!.

# You say I'm so crazy #

[ Cheering ]

- #Coming home intoxicated #

- Oh! Oh!

- #I say I just want to love you #

- [ Woman ] Come on, LivI

#I just wanna love you, baby #

- Aw, come on, Liv.

- Come on, bride number one:

- I know y'all can do better than that.

- #Give it to me, baby #

Sprockets!

[ Women Cheering ]

Break it downI Now the sexiest bride

takes first prize: Let's see itI

- ##[ Hip-hop ]

- We gonna get this party started,y'allI

ShowdownI

Space!

[ Deejay ]

Check out bride number twoI

# They be watchin'while we wiggle around

Look at 'em droolin'#

# They ain't used to this sound

I keep 'em movin'#

#All my ladies put your hands in the air

It's all right now #

# We gon'keep you up on your feet

the whole night now #

#Rop them bottles

Yeah, drink that up, man #

#Got you feelin'crazy

Well, that was the plan #

# They was waitin'for me

Wasn't ready for this #

#He got the game sewed up

No, I'm talkin'bout Swiss #

- [ Cheering ]

- # Why would you try #

# We got 'em shakin'everything

from the hood to Dubai #

Bride number two,you are

the sexiest bride of the night, baby:

Give it up for bride number two,y'allI

Sorry, bride number one:

Can't win 'em all, girl:

##[ Techno Dance Rop ]

It's weird, losing.

I gotta say I'm not loving it.

No, but you were both so good.

Yeah, you really got up there, and you tried.

- Forget it. It's my bachelorette party, right?

- Yes.

- [ Shutter Clicks ]

- Good girl. Here you go.

It's like you read my mind.

[ Car Alarm Honking ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Taxi! Taxi.

Kevin. Kevin. I need coffee.

Excuse me. I need coffee.

I need three Advil.

Yeah. Four waters.

Get a splash of that Kahlua

next to wherever that paralegal is.

- Hey, Elana.

- Good morning.

- You work too hard.

I'm gonna treat you to lunch.

- Okay.

- Where are you, Kev? Are you in the office?

- I hear you coming. Liv?

- Liv, blue! Hair!

- Hey, Advil.

- [ Whispering ] You have blue hair!

- [ Gasps ]

[ Whispering ]

Oh, my God. I totally forgot.

I was supposed to get it

dyed back at 7:
00.

I think it's very- It's gonna be-

They're gonna love it.

I got it. I'm gonna figure it out.

If we could all refer to the briefs I've drawn up:

I've highlighted a few main points:

Our discovery process in depositions

and document requests-

maybe you guys could share that one-

has yielded significant results.

W-W-Wait. Okay. I am looking

at the brief dated two weeks ago.

- Where is the latest version?

- I could have sworn that I updated these.

Just a second.

Goddamn it!

Your hair.

Yes, my hair. My hair... is blue!

My hair is blue. My wedding's in a week,

and I'm paying my maid of honor.

Okay? Or rather Mr. Colson is.

And,yes, maybe

I misplaced the briefl:

And, yes, maybe my best friend

in the world forever hates me!

Hates me!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my God.

[ Sobs ]

I'm gonna be a bald bride.

It's so not ideal.

This is who's representing us?

Not anymore. Miss Lerner's off the case.

I'm taking over.

No, now look, calm down.

I'm gonna get it dyed back.

- [ Sighs ]

- Miss Lerner.

You are excused.

[ Sniffs ]

I'm not this girl.

I just don't screw up:

I just don't get demoted:

It's like I don't have anybody.

I feel so alone.

Hey.

Babe, I'm right here.

[ Sniffs, Sighs ]

You miss your friend,

especially now.

She'd know just what to say.

[ Sobs ]

I'm mad at her too.

She went for the hair.

Girlfriends don't do that.

You'll fix it. And if you can't, I love it.

I do. You're like this very tall,

very hot Smurf.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, honey.

It's not just about the hair.

I'm mad because maybe she's right.

And it's exhausting having to

try to be perfect all the time.

That's how I held it together

ever since I was a kid.

I figured nothing- nothing bad

would happen again if I was just...

one step ahead of everything

and everybody, all the time.

- [ Sighs ]

- Life isn't perfect, hon.

It's messy.

You're right.

I mean, I was gonna be

perfect for you...

but now that you say

it's impossible- Hey.

No, you don't. No, you

don't have to be perfect.

I've always wanted a human wife.

Yeah, the other ones are just...

too hard to inflate.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Almost back to normal, huh?

- I know, right?

I have, like, one layer of skin left,

but that should be okay for our wedding.

So, oops, sorry, Liv.

I wish I had pictures: You know?

It's like I was up there, and there's

this spotlight, and when I hit that rope-

- Oh, my God!

- Hey! Enough, enough, enough!

I've heard this story

1 0,000 times, Emma:

You've been acting

a little wild lately. Okay?

And I'm tired of it.

So knock it off.

Lately you've been very mad

and tense and excited.

You know what? I just don't know

how to deal with this:

- Uh-huh.

- And quite frankly, you have me

questioning whether or not...

this is something about- to do with

the wedding or if this is permanent.

Um, well, Fletcher, it is kind

of permanent. You know?

It is possible that I might be mad or tense or

excited more than once in the next 40 years.

Is it? Really? You know what?

You're doing it right now.

- What?

- You're being, not, I mean, not bitchy, but-

I said ""not bitchy.'' But you're

right there in that neighborhood.

You should have the cab,

like, take a U-turn...

drop you off at Pleasant and Nice,

where we met.

Are you upset because of this thing

with Liv, or because I'm having feelings?

- Totally:

- Because it's kind of hard to read you.

My God! That's totally it. I'm upset

because you have feelings. You nailed it.

Okay. So in other words, then don't have

so many feelings, but if I do, don't show 'em.

- I shouldn't have so many-

- Oh, God! I can't even talk to you right now!

You haven't tried yet. Do you realize-

Do you know how hard this is for me?

- I don't even know who you are:

- You have not even tried to

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