Bridesmaids

- I'm so...

- I'm so glad you called.

I'm so glad

you were free.

God,

I love your eyes.

Okay, now what?

Cup my balls.

- Okay, yes.

- All right. I can do that.

- Oh! There it is.

- There we go.

That feels good.

You know what to do.

Okay, you know what?

Slow it down, slow it down.

Okay.

Slow it down.

There we go.

How's that?

That's good, nice and slow.

See? Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah.

No, I want to go fast.

You want to go fast?

Fast.

Yeah. No...

Oh, yeah.

That feels good.

Oh, Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know what?

I think...

I think maybe

we are on different

rhythms here.

I was having a nightmare.

I was so scared.

Good morning.

You look beautiful.

No, I'm sure

I look terrible.

I just woke up.

Are you kidding?

I'm sure I'm a mess.

You slept over.

I did.

I thought we had

a rule against that.

Oh.

I'm kidding.

Oh.

That was funny.

I'm kidding.

You're funny

in the morning.

I like hanging out

with you.

Oh. Yeah.

I love hanging out with you.

I think we get

along really well

and you're so sexy.

I know.

I just have a lot

coming up at work

and I don't want

to make promises

I can't keep.

You know what I mean?

I know you do.

Yeah.

We're on the same page.

I'm not looking for

a relationship right now,

either. Let's just say that.

Whatever you wanna...

I can do...

I'd rather just...

I like simple...

I'm not like other girls.

I'm not like,

"Be my boyfriend!"

Unless you were like, "Yeah!"

Then I'd be like,

"Maybe."

Mmm. But let's not.

I don't want that either.

Wow, this is so awkward.

I really want you to leave,

but I don't know how to say it

without sounding like a dick.

Come on!

Hands behind your heads!

Let's go! Sit-ups!

You're looking

like pieces of bacon

on a plate.

It's disgusting!

I smell the fat!

- He scares me.

- Me, too.

But he's

an excellent motivator.

That's true.

What are you looking at?

Oh, Sh*t, he sees us.

Oh, God.

Hey! Hey!

If you want to

take this class,

you're going to

have to pay for it

like the rest

of these b*tches!

What, are you dancing?

In the park...

Dance class?

You are not dancing.

You are not

dancing in the park!

- Go, go, go, go!

- Freeloaders!

I'm coming over there.

- Is he coming?

- I'm coming after you!

Sorry, Rodney.

We're on a budget.

- Oh, come on!

- It's only 12 bucks!

Oh, my God!

Come on!

You f***ing freeloaders.

We are out

of our minds.

I know.

That's okay.

I'm so glad that

we got to do this.

I feel like I haven't

seen you in forever.

Mmm. I've been

in Chicago a lot.

I know.

Sleeping at Dougie's house.

Well, it's just

closer to work.

How is it going

with him anyway?

I don't know.

I mean, it's fine,

but I just feel

like he's been

distant lately.

And I don't know...

He calls me

"dude" a lot.

That doesn't mean anything.

I think everything is fine.

I don't know.

Anyway,

what did you

do last night?

Umm...

What did you

do last night?

You are not

telling me something.

I hung out with

Ted for a little bit.

I knew it!

We had fun.

It was fun.

Here's what I

don't like about it.

You hate yourself

after you see him,

every time.

And then we go through this,

and then you feel like sh*t,

and it's almost

like you're doing it

because you feel

bad about yourself.

He called me late,

and we hung out.

It wasn't a big deal.

And you know what?

It was fun.

Ew! You had

sex with him.

We had an

adult sleepover.

Ooh. Did you let him

sleep over in your mouth?

Annie!

I'm sorry!

You're unbelievable.

He kept putting

it near my face.

They do that,

don't they?

Why do they do that?

Let us offer.

If we don't offer...

Please.

You're supposed

to slap it away.

I couldn't.

You don't want to

look right at it.

No.

It's too aggressive.

It's like...

"Hello."

That's my impression.

Those are the balls?

Yeah.

I'm trying to make it round,

but I can't

because I have elbows.

He is so hot, though.

Look, I know

you say he's cute

and all that stuff,

but it makes you feel

like sh*t, you know?

You're a total catch,

and any guy

would be psyched

to be your man.

You should just

make room

for somebody who

is nice to you.

You know what?

He's honest!

He told me that

we are what we are

and we're just having fun.

And I like that.

He also told you that

you need dental work.

He's an a**hole.

I don't need dental work.

You're right.

There is nothing

wrong with my teeth.

You are so beautiful.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

I love you.

I don't want to

go to work today.

Mmm-mmm.

Let's see how many

times Terry's called me.

Oh! Only 15!

You know what, Terry?

I don't want

to pick up your

monkey lamps.

Sorry!

Monkey lamps?

Ugh. I cannot wait

to never work for

a psychopath again.

Oh! Annie!

I'm sorry. I should

have gone down Mason.

Well, I'm the genius

that opened a bakery

during the recession.

They were good cakes,

Annie.

Thank you.

Come on. Look away,

look away, look away.

Do you have any

ideas of styles?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you think, honey?

Whatever you want.

Look at how you guys

are making this

decision together.

That's sweet. You guys

love each other, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ohh! That's sweet.

That will go away.

You cannot

trust anybody, ever.

Especially someone

you're in a

relationship with.

'Cause they're

living with you,

you don't

know who you're

sleeping next to.

It is scary.

I mean, look at him.

He may not even be Asian.

It is scary.

So did you guys

want to look at

these engagement rings?

We're going to browse.

Okay, sure.

I'll be here.

Thank you.

What was that about?

Umm, nothing.

They had to run.

They had to go somewhere.

And no wonder.

You're selling

lifelong happiness.

You're not telling everyone

about your problems

and how your

boyfriend left you,

and maybe marriage

will work out.

Show me your

"love is eternal" face.

No, that's two years,

four years tops.

That is not eternal.

Kahlua, can you

come over here

for a second, please?

What's up, Don-Don?

You make up

the best nicknames.

You don't need

a nickname because

Kahlua is so delicious.

Don't sue me

for touching you.

Show Annie your

"love is eternal" face.

That looks like you

have menstrual cramps.

Thank you so much,

Kahlua.

Now, why can't you

be more like Kahlua?

Look, I'm trying

really hard.

You've just

got to try harder.

The whole reason

you have got this job,

Annie,

is because your mom

is my sponsor in AA,

and I'm doing her a favor.

I understand.

Oscar, get back to work.

You shouldn't be

behind the counter.

Andrew,

you are not the father!

That's great. Yeah.

Stop that.

Don't do that.

Hey, Brynn.

Oh, hey, roomie.

Guess what

happened to me today.

Hmm. What?

I got a free tattoo.

You did what?

I could not believe it.

The guy said,

"Do you want a tattoo?"

Just a random...

Yeah, opened up

the side of his van.

No.

He said, "it's for free!"

And I said, "Sure."

You said yes?

Yeah!

Yeah. Look.

See here?

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